


keysmash

by AllThisAndLoveTooWillRuinUs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: ADHD James Potter, Accidental Outing, Anxiety, Coming Out, Depression, Desi James Potter, Desi Potter Family (Harry Potter), Healing, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Mental Health Themes, Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Texting, Wrong Number AU, brief discussion of a car crash, brief discussion of loss of a parent, for projecting purposes, i promise it's a mostly fluffy fic though, i use the q word and d slur if those bother u, i'll add tags as i go, it's all safe tho, side jily, side marlene/dorcas, text au, text fic, the social work is strong in this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2020-09-06 07:40:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 45,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20287849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllThisAndLoveTooWillRuinUs/pseuds/AllThisAndLoveTooWillRuinUs
Summary: Unknown number (sun, 9:03 am): hey settle an argument chocolate milk in cereal is innovative and cool, right?Remus (sun, 9:07 am): it absolutely is not who tf are uUnknown number (sun, 9:08 am): first of all, fuck u and second of all i told james u said yes anyway that’s what u get for living in my phoneSirius texts a wrong number, Remus faces some fears, and things get better.





	1. Saturday: fuckwads and walking tits

**Author's Note:**

> full disclosure, this is my first time posting an unfinished fic, but i have an outline and a small backlog and am hoping to consistently update every week. u can find me at @wishingitwerewolfstar on tumblr if u want

**Unknown number (sat, 11:24 am): hey fuckwad when do u wanna work on the chem project**

_ Remus (sat, 11:30 am): well, never, if you’re gonna have that attitude about it _

_ Remus (sat, 11:31 am): also wut chem project _

**Unknown number (sat, 11:31 am): u walking tit i am not going to fail just bc of one group project**

_ Remus (sat, 11:31 am): buddy idk how to tell u that i am not in a chemistry class, i think u have the wrong number _

**Unknown number (sat, 11:32 am): . . . fucking snape**

  
  
  


_ Remus (sat, 4:26 pm): so sorry, i know the conversation is over and everything, but i really need to know wtf a snape is. _

**Unknown number (sat, 5:45 pm): oh, aklfdasf that’s my group member’s last name. **

**Unknown number (sat, 5:47 pm): He gave me a fake number even though we go to a boarding school?? And I know where to find him?? He’s kind of a dipshit**

_ Remus (sat, 5:50 pm): u??? go to boarding school?? those still exist??? _

**Unknown number (sat, 5:58 pm): unfortunately so**

**Unknown number (sat, 6:05 pm): actually, idk why i said that. i actually like it here, on the whole. it’s definitely better than living at home.**

_ Remus (sat, 6:07 pm): huh, you go to boarding school and i’m homeschooled. completely opposite ways of being sheltered. _

**Unknown number (sat, 6:09 pm): oh wut ur homeschooled?? what grade?**

_ Remus (sat, 6:10 pm): isn’t that a little close to giving out my age?? to a complete stranger? _

**Unknown number (sat, 6:11 pm): i feel like we’re pals, i’ve already called u a fuckwad and a walking tit**

_ Remus (sat, 6:14 pm): do you? consider snape a pal?? _

**Unknown number (sat, 6:15 pm): o wut, lmao absolutely not. i actually mean it when i call him a walking tit**

_ Remus (sat, 6:17 pm): well,,, i’m honored, ig _

_ Remus (sat, 6:20 pm): i’m a senior, btw _

_ Remus (sat, 6:21 pm): but if ur like, a serial killer or something, ur legally required to forget that i told u that _

**Unknown number (sat, 6:27 pm): WHAT**

**Unknown number (sat, 6:27 pm): WAIT ACTUALLY?!!?!?**

_ Remus (sat, 6:31 pm): i mean, i feel like it’s not that uncommon. i may not know many, but i have been assured that a significant number of other high school seniors exist _

**Unknown number (sat, 6:32 pm): ya but I’M a high school senior**

**Unknown number (sat, 6:32 pm): omygod and u have the same area code**

**Unknown number (sat, 6:32 pm): wut if we were born in the same hospital, on the same day**

**Unknown number (sat, 6:32 pm): WHAT IF WE WERE SWITCHED AT BIRTH**

_ Remus (sat, 6:33 pm): that is,,,, an extreme conclusion to draw from the sheer fact that we’re in the same grade alone _

**Unknown number (sat, 6:33 pm): all i’m saying is, maybe we’ve met before**

**Unknown number (sat, 6:34 pm): have u ever been walking down the street and experienced an extremely handsome boy about your age with dark hair, pale skin, and silver eyes about hitting on you?**

_ Remus (sat, 6:34 pm): there is so much to unpack there first of all why do you describe urself like ur writing a bad porno second of all y do u assume u would have hit on me???? _

**Unknown number (sat 6:35 pm): if u knew me, you’d know that’s not an unreasonable conclusion to draw**

_ Remus (sat, 6:35 pm): u writing porn about yourself????????????? _

**Unknown number (sat, 6:35 pm): alfakdfjalkf i meant the me hitting on u bit**

_ Remus (sat, 6:36 pm): even if we had ever met, i’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have been hitting on me, my dude _

**Unknown number (sat, 6:36 pm): y not??? and don’t give me some self deprecating bullshit there is literally nothing less sexy**

_ Remus (sat, 6:37 pm): nah i was just gonna say that i’m a dude so, ya know _

**Unknown number (sat, 6:38 pm): ,,,,,,,,,,,, i literally,,,,,**

**Unknown number (sat, 6:38 pm): bro i literally keysmashed within like, 4 texts of meeting u.**

**Unknown number (sat, 6:38 pm): god, do i give off straight vibes????? fuck how do i fix this**

_ Remus (sat, 6:38 pm): oh,,, neat _

**Unknown number (sat, 6:39 pm): i’m sorry, neat? i come out to u and that’s all u have to say?**

_ Remus (sat, 6:40 pm): does it really count as coming out if u don’t actually know each other and you’ve only been talking for a day? _

**Unknown number (sat, 6:41 pm): first of all, we already established our friendship when i formally knighted u with the title of ‘walking tit’ and ur a coward for not acknowledging our deep bond so jot that down**

**Unknown number (sat, 6:41 pm): and second of all, it absolutely does count still. it’s like, a whole emotional ordeal every time, no matter who it’s to**

_ Remus (sat, 6:41 pm): do u ever get used to it? _

**Unknown number (sat, 6:42 pm): i mean,, i’m young so i’ve got a while but in my experience so far,, no, not really. it’s still better than the closet though**

_ Remus (sat, 6:44 pm): wish i knew what that was like _

**Unknown number (sat, 6:45 pm): uhhhhh no you don’t dude, trust me**

**Unknown number (sat, 6:45 pm): i mean, i know i make homosexuality look enviably cool but it is, in fact, not a Cool Thing Straight Guys Should Envy**

_ Remus (sat, 6:46 pm): oh, no u’ve misunderstood _

_ Remus (sat, 6:47 pm): that was me uhh _

_ Remus (sat, 6:48 pm): fuck _

_ Remus (sat, 6:49 pm): thought it might be easier, to a stranger, over text _

_ Remus (sat, 6:50 pm): that was me coming out back _

_ Remus (sat, 6:51 pm): god ur right that is an emotional ordeal _

_ Remus (sat, 7:16 pm): ,,,, i know that we’re strangers and i am in no way entitled to a response from u but that was kind of a big deal for me so the silence is kind of ill timed, my guy. _

**Unknown number (sat, 7:32 pm): oh oof sorry bud i was at dinner with my brother i did not see these but ur right that timing did not work out, not very cash money**

**Unknown number (sat, 7:32 pm): hey for what it’s worth, from a stranger over text, i’m proud of u**

_ Remus (sat, 7:34 pm): omygod i’m so sorry i made like a whole scene with u and u didn’t ask for this u just texted the wrong number and less than 12 hours later i’m using u as a crash test for coming out and it went horribly _

_ Remus (sat, 7:35 pm): anyway, i didn’t mean to make a big deal of it, just to make the comment and move on. _

**Unknown number (sat, 7:35 pm** ) **: it’s fine, really. i get it. And besides, now we’ve established the important thing.**

_ Remus (sat, 7:36 pm): what do you mean? _

**Unknown number (sat, 7:37 pm): if we HAVE met before i definitely WAS hitting on u.**

_ Remus (sat, 7:37 pm): alkfafdkal _

**Unknown number (sat, 7:38 pm): wow, u really are gay**


	2. Sunday: Classified Information

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we discuss punk rock, names, and other classified information

**Unknown number (sun, 9:03 am): hey settle an argument chocolate milk in cereal is innovative and cool, right?**

_ Remus (sun, 9:07 am): it absolutely is not who tf are u  _

**Unknown number (sun, 9:08 am): first of all, fuck u and second of all i told james u said yes anyway that’s what u get for living in my phone**

_ Remus (sun, 9:09 am): i do not live in ur phone i live in my own head, thank u very much _

_ Remus (sun, 9:10 am): wait no i take that back, i live in the Moment i am the Life Of The Party _

**Unknown number (sun, 9:12 am): cute gay boy on the phone this is james and after checking the receipts i would like to thank u for being a reasonable human being and also apologize for sirius robbing u of ur rights to vote on such atrocities**

_ Remus (sun, 9:13 am): what makes u think i’m cute?? _

_ Remus (sun, 9:13 am): that’s classified information _

**Unknown number (sun, 9:13 am): idk, sirius keeps texting u like a nerd so i figure u must be**

_ Remus (sun, 9:14 am): he’s never seen me? _

**Unknown number (sun, 9:14 am): i trust his sixth sense**

**Unknown number (sun, 9:17 am): after a long and bitter brawl to the death, i have regained control of the phone, i formally apologize for anything that shithead might have said to u that offended ur delicate sensibilities**

_ Remus (sun, 9:18 am): ur name is sirius? _

**Unknown number (sun, 9:19 am): . . . maybe**

**Sirius (sun, 9:20 am): it’s not like i chose it myself**

_ Remus (sun, 9:20 am): i like it _

**Sirius (sun, 9:21 am): okay**

**Sirius (sun, 9:21 am): good**

**Sirius (sun, 9:22 am): listen,,, james is gonna steal my phone again if i don’t lavish him with attention so i gtg,,,, talk to u later??**

_ Remus (sun, 9:23 am): oh, ya sure _

  
  
  


**Sirius (sun, 8:44 pm): wait so wuts YOUR name??**

_ Remus (sun, 8:51 pm): uhhhh classified _

**Sirius (sun, 8:52 pm): what? u know mine**

_ Remus (sun, 8:52 pm): yeah but i know I’M not a stalker. i have 0 information on whether u are a crazy murder stalker or not _

**Sirius (sun, 8:53 pm): i’m not**

_ Remus (sun, 8:53 pm): sounds like something a crazy old man murder stalker would say _

**Sirius (sun, 8:54 pm): okay but what if i pinky promised that i’m not a crazy old man murder stalker with a foot fetish**

_ Remus (sun, 8:54 pm): y did u have to add the foot fetish _

**Sirius (sun, 8:54 pm): idk i thought it was part of the game, adding on to the list of my crimes each time, which by the way, i feel like ‘old man’ should not be a crime**

_ Remus (sun, 8:55 pm): ya but the lying about ur age makes the other stuff creepier. listen, ,,, saying ‘i’m not a crazy old man murder stalker with a foot fetish’ just makes it sound like ur a crazy old man murder stalker with a DIFFERENT fetish _

**Sirius (sun, 8:55 pm): i promise i am not an old man, nor a murderer, nor a stalker, and to the best of my knowledge i am decidedly fetish-less**

_ Remus (sun, 8:56 pm): u forgot to say if ur crazy or not _

**Sirius (sun, 8:56 pm): i mean i’m super depressed but calling me crazy is not v politically correct**

_ Remus (sun, 8:57 pm): no it wouldn’t be, we’ll call u innocent on all accounts _

_ Remus (sun, 8:58 pm): still tho, it’s not like u would’ve told me ur name if james hadn’t said it by accident _

**Sirius (sun, 8:59 pm): hmm i suppose ur right**

_ Remus (sun, 9:01 pm): hey so james is ur….???? _

**Sirius (sun, 9:03 pm): brother, but not by blood**

_ Remus (sun, 9:04 pm): oh, so like ur step brother? _

**Sirius (sun, 9:05 pm): uhh more like adopted? i guess?? sorry it’s just kinda complicated**

**Sirius (sun, 9:06 pm): he’s my best friend, but also i live with his family over holidays now and i call his mum ‘mum’ and buy her mother’s day gifts and such so. brother. **

**Sirius (sun, 9:08 pm): not to get deep or anything, but i feel like ur confused, so i’ll just clarify that my birth parents are out of the picture**

_ Remus (sun, 9:09 pm): got it. sorry for making u explain if u didn’t want to _

**Sirius (sun, 9:10 pm): nah, it’s nothing painful, just the facts. do u have any siblings??**

_ Remus (sun, 9:12 pm): nope, just me and my parents and a lot of books _

**Sirius (sun, 9:14 pm): not to pry or anything but u do,,, have friends, right?**

_ Remus (sun, 9:16 pm): ya i mean i have lily and. . . okay well just lily but she has enough personality to equal at least 3 other friends _

**Sirius (sun, 9:17 pm): fair enough i just wasn’t sure how easy it would be to make friends from home school**

_ Remus (sun, 9: 18 pm): ,,,,, does it damage my cool factor if i say we met bc we always hang out at the library at the same times _

**Sirius (sun, 9:20 pm): first of all, libraries are incredibly punk rock**

**Sirius (sun, 9:21 pm): nothing says a big ‘fuck u’ to capitalism than public spaces with resources for the common welfare**

**Sirius (sun, 9:22 pm): second of all, the first lesson of being cool is that u doing anything automatically makes it cool. u don’t conform to cool, cool conforms to u.**

_ Remus (sun, 9:23 pm): i feel like ur writing a manifesto _

**Sirius (sun, 9:24 pm): i really should. this should be my senior thesis**

_ Remus (sun, 9:24 pm): i realize i know nothing about it, but i am deeply certain that that is not the purpose of a senior thesis _

**Sirius (sun, 9:25 pm): but it COULD be**

_ Remus (sun, 9:26 pm): wut are u actually doing ur senior thesis on? _

**Sirius (sun, 9:28 pm): how to better utilize public spaces for the protection and enrichment of families and individuals experiencing or at risk of homelessness**

_ Remus (sun, 9:29 pm): oh shit _

_ Remus (sun, 9:29 pm): that’s,,,,, really fucking cool _

**Sirius (sun, 9:30 pm): thanks, i’m just hoping i can get all the access i need to public budgets to put a thorough mock budget together bc otherwise this is all theoretical which would be uber lame**

_ Remus (sun, 9:30 pm): that is the nerdiest sentence i have ever heard and i’d be lying if i said it wasn’t hot _

**Sirius (sun, 9:30 pm): ah excellent now i have someone to talk about allocating public funds into sustainable community enriching programs with and u can’t get bored bc it gets u all hot under the collar**

_ Remus (sun, 9:31 pm): ,,,,,,,, it’s really unfair of u to use the word ‘sustainable’ right in front of my face like that, u did that on purpose _

**Sirius (sun, 9:31 pm): ;)**

_ Remus (sun, 9:32 pm): seriously, how did u go from being a foot fetish stalker to talking about the accessibility of public budgets then straight back to winky face _

**Sirius (sun, 9:32 pm): i contain multitudes**

**Sirius (sun, 9:33 pm): so i’m guessing u don’t have to do a senior thesis??**

_ Remus (sun, 9:35 pm): nope, so i get to be nerdy on my own time _

**Sirius (sun, 9:36 pm): oh? what does the Great and Mysterious Boy In The Phone spend his time being a nerd about?**

_ Remus (sun, 9:37 pm): that’s classified _

**Sirius (sun, 9:38 pm): what isn’t??**

_ Remus (sun, 9:38 pm): hmmmmm _

_ Remus (sun, 9:38 pm): okay, have u ever heard of ezra furman? _

_ Remus (sun, 9:38 pm): that’s my favorite musician _

_ Remus (sun, 9:38 pm): i will declassify that information just for you _

**Sirius (sun, 9:39 pm): which song should i listen to?**

_ Remus (sun, 9:40 pm): oh ur just gonna?? afdlf this feels oddly personal okay uh go with ‘maraschino red dress $8.99 at goodwill’  _

**Sirius (sun, 9:40 pm): already digging the title **

**Sirius (sun, 9:41 pm): dude i did not know u were so punk rock**

**Sirius (sun, 9:42 pm): oh. oh this might be my favorite song now. **

_ Remus (sun, 9:43 pm): really????? _

**Sirius (sun, 9:44 pm): yeah uhh what was that line?? ‘sometimes you go through hell and you never get to heaven”?????**

**Sirius (sun, 9:44 pm): fuck**

**Sirius (sun, 9:45 pm): plus, it’s the perfect music for riding a motorbike like can u imagine being on a motorbike and listening to anything else other than this song??? it’s not even worth it what was i doing before tonite**

_ Remus (sun, 9:46 pm): sorry uh was the implication there supposed to be that u own and ride a motorcycle???????? ??? _

**Sirius (sun, 9:47 pm): oh good u caught that it was v important to me that u know but i didn’t know how to bring it up subtly**

_ Remus (sun, 9:48 pm): i feel like it’s v important to every person that owns a motorcycle for the whole world to know that they own a motorcycle _

**Sirius (sun, 9:50 pm): not the whole world, just u bc u called me a crazy old man murder stalker and it was the sickest burn i’d ever experienced and u have good taste in music so i wanna impress u**

**Sirius (sun, 9:51 pm): are u impressed?**

_ Remus (sun, 9:53 pm): that is.. . .. classified _

**Sirius (sun, 9:54 pm): u are impressed, u just don’t want it to go to my head**

_ Remus (sun, 9:55 pm): can neither confirm nor deny _

**Sirius (sun, 9:57 pm): don’t worry, message received ;)**

**Sirius (sun, 9:59 pm): the only trouble with this music is it’s not very good for sleeping**

_ Remus (sun, 10:00 pm): are u??? trying to sleep already???? _

_ Remus (sun, 10:00 pm): what happened to being punk rock?  _

**Sirius (sun, 10:01 pm): a healthy sleep schedule is a form of self care which, in a society designed to devalue your inherent worth as a human being instead of a means of production, is automatically an act of rebellion**

**Sirius (sun, 10:02 pm): also james gets up waaaaayyyy early for footie practice and he always wakes me up**

_ Remus (sun, 10:03 pm): aldafd noted. sleep well sirius _

  
  


_ Remus (sun, 11:52 pm): it’s remus, btw _

_ Remus (sun, 11:53 pm): my name. it’s remus _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> E. Furman is an extremely real queer jewish punk pop artist that u should all listen to. also, i know i'm trying to release on saturdays but your bitch will not have time tomorrow so congrats, you get an early update


	3. Monday: Lily & the Library

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which we meet lily, an essay is written, and remus makes some decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey just a heads up that there is an accidental outing in this chapter and it's all safe and fine but if that could potentially trigger you, here's your notice

**Sirius (mon, 7:12 am): remus!!!!!**

**Sirius (mon, 7:12 am): remusremusremusremus**

**Sirius (mon, 7:13 am): good morning, remus**

**Sirius (mon, 7:13 am): remus, how are you, remus, doing on this fine morning of remus-ing, Remus?**

  
  
  


_ Remus (mon, 8:56 am): ur really giving off the crazy old man murder stalker vibes right now _

_ Remus (mon, 8:57 am): and idk, how are u doing on this fine morning of remus-ing? i've barely started my remus-ing for the morning _

  
  
  


**Sirius (mon, 10:36 am): i am doing bored on this boring morning of remus-ing, my good remus. **

**Sirius (mon, 10:37 am): have i mentioned that i hate shakespeare? remus, i hate shakespeare. **

**Sirius (mon, 10:38 am): james is doodling his imaginary girlfriend's initials in the margins of his notes AGAIN and it's somehow the most interesting thing that's happening right now**

_ Remus (mon, 10:50 am): there are literally no three words in the english language that you could have said that would hurt me, personally, more than 'i hate shakespeare' _

_ Remus (mon, 10:51 am): he wrote entire plays of dick jokes and still today they're heralded as Peak Art how does that not appeal to u?? _

**Sirius (mon, 10:52 am): okay well i hate the sad ones. i hate emo shakespeare. hamlet can suck my dick**

_ Remus (mon, 10:53 am): he probably wouldn't mind that. seriously, hamlet deciding not to kill Claudius while he's praying bc heaven was too good for him?? tell me that's not punk rock _

_ Remus (mon, 10:53 am): he literally gets kidnapped by pirates _

**Sirius (mon, 10:54 am): if i got kidnapped by pirates right now i wouldn't have to be in class**

**Sirius (mon, 10:54 am): remus will u become a pirate and kidnap me?**

_ Remus (mon, 10:56 am): only if u let me finish writing this essay _

_ Remus (mon, 10:56 am): it's due tomorrow, i have to focus _

**Sirius (mon, 10:57 am): okay have fun!!**

  
  


_ Remus (mon, 11:07 am): sirius i do not want to write this essay _

_ Remus (mon, 11:07 am): tell me more about james' imaginary gf that sounds funny _

**Sirius (mon, 11:08 am): god i wish. it's more pathetic, honestly, apparently there's this girl back home he sees every summer who is the Love Of James' Life but there is currently no proof she exists**

**Sirius (mon, 11:09 am): hey wait !!!! don't think i don't see what ur doing!! write ur essay!!**

_ Remus (mon, 11:10 am): u sound like lily, i'm trying to talk her into a coffee break but not getting very far _

**Sirius (mon, 11:12 am): that's the imaginary gf's name, funnily enough. i'm glad she's there bc if it was me i could totally be bribed away from my work with the promise of coffee with u**

_ Remus (mon, 11:14 am): i can't tell if that's u saying u like coffee, u like me, or u just really hate work _

**Sirius (mon, 11:15 am): all of the above?**

_ Remus (mon, 11:17 am): jfjeskrjwl sirius u can't just SAY shit like that it's rude _

_ Remus (mon, 11:18 am): i'm small and gay and can't handle even like, joking flirting _

_ Remus (mon, 11:18 am): besides, aren't u in class right now?? shouldn't u be focusing on the lecture?? _

**Sirius (mon, 11:18 am): shouldn't u be focusing on ur essay??**

**Sirius (mon, 11:19 am): and who says it was joking **

_ Remus (mon, 11:22 am): this is lily, I have confiscated remus' phone so he can finish his goddamn essay _

_ Remus (mon, 11:23 am): also whatever u just said made him lose his entire mind i think he's going to need an hour or smth before he can even speak in full sentences, much less write them so thanks for that _

_ Remus (mon, 11:23 am): u know if u wanted him to focus on his essay u shouldn't have kept texting him _

_ Remus (mon, 11:23 am): oh shit i should not have scrolled back fuck fuck fuck goddmanit this is what i get for being a bitch _

**Sirius (mon, 11:24 am): wait what did u see??**

**Sirius (mon, 11:24 am): oh**

**Sirius (mon, 11:24 am): oh shit**

  
  
  


_ Remus (mon, 1: 45 pm): ya so uhhhh i'm out to lily now _

**Sirius (mon, 1:47 pm): remus i am so so sorry, are u okay?**

_ Remus (mon, 1:48 pm): ya she told me what she'd seen and we went for that coffee and talked. everything's good _

_ Remus (mon, 1:48 pm): i mean, i knew she'd be chill and everything i just never knew how to bring it up _

_ Remus (mon, 1:48 pm): so,,, in a way, thanks, i guess _

_ Remus (mon, 1:50 pm): and to be honest i,,,, never would have had the courage to have that conversation if i hadn't come out to u first so anyway i know we're like, strangers who have weirdly been texting for 3 days but thank you.  _

**Sirius (mon, 1:53 pm): np, remus, i'm glad we've been weirdly texting for 3 days and i'm lucky i got to be the first person u came out to bc i think ur pretty neat**

**Sirius (mon, 1:53 pm): and remus?**

**Sirius (mon, 1:53 pm): i'm proud of you**

**Sirius (mon, 1:53 pm): for coming out to lily, that is, i know that's a big step**

**Sirius (mon, 1:54 pm): now write ur goddamn essay**

_ Remus (mon, 1:56 pm): ejflsjfhd okay i'm on it, promise _

_ Remus (mon, 1:57 pm): ttyl? _

**Sirius (mon, 1:57 pm): yeah, definitely**

  
  


_ Remus (mon, 7:36 pm): I HAVE FINISHED THE ESSAY _

_ Remus (mon, 7:36 pm): it’s good timing too, bc the library kicks me out at 8 and also fun fact i have had nothing but coffee and one (1) banana all day _

**Sirius (mon, 7:39 pm): i want u to know that if i had lily’s number i absolutely would be snitching on u right now bc i KNOW u did not tell her this information and i also know that she would kick ur ass if she knew**

**Sirius (mon, 7:40 pm): also congratulations!!! i knew u could do it!**

_ Remus (mon, 7:42 pm): u have exchanged exactly 4 text messages with her how do u know how she feels about my dietary habits? _

**Sirius (mon, 7:43 pm): didn’t u say she had enough personality to count as 3 extra friends? **

_ Remus (mon, 7:43 pm): ya that sounds like something i would say _

**Sirius (mon, 7:44 pm): she can get a lot of fury and raw mom friend power across in just 4 messages. **

_ Remus (mon, 7:45 pm): mmm i wouldn’t call them mom friend vibes so much as ‘scary grandmother that lives in the woods friend’ vibes _

_ Remus (mon, 7:46 pm): like ya she wants u to eat but she’ll tell u this with a knife to ur throat kind of deal. less ‘eat ur vegetables and you’ll grow big and strong’ and more ‘ur too skinny, eat or else’ _

**Sirius (mon, 7:47 pm): some friendships are ride or die, and some are more like ‘thrive or die’**

**Sirius (mon, 7:47 pm): deeply aggressive care and support**

**Sirius (mon, 7:48 pm): my friend marlene is like that. she actually sounds a lot like lily, just more,,,,, how do u say,,,, dyke**

**Sirius (mon, 7:48 pm): also pls tell me u r eating dinner**

_ Remus (mon, 7:51 pm): just got home, making dinner for myself now, no need to alert the authorities _

_ Remus (mon, 7:52 pm): ur lucky u have gay friends _

_ Remus (mon, 7:52 pm): don’t get me wrong, i love lily to pieces and she’s my best friend and i wouldn’t trade her for the world, but it’d be really nice to have a gay friend around. i think it’d make it easier. _

**Sirius (mon, 7:53 pm): excuse u i’m right here**

**Sirius (mon, 7:54 pm): i’m the best and gayest friend a guy could have. and i’ll introduce u to marlene sometime. everyone needs a good lesbian in their life. we’re lost without them, as individuals and a species.**

_ Remus (mon, 8:06 pm): 1) i meant irl, u know it's different _

_ Remus (mon, 8:06 pm): 2) we have known each other exactly 3 days that does not qualify as a deep and meaningful friendship built on queer solidarity _

_ Remus (mon, 8:06 pm): 3) according to your message 8 hrs and 47 minutes ago, u've been flirting, which disqualifies u from aforementioned solidarity friendship _

**Sirius (mon, 8:09 pm): flirting absolutely does not disqualify u from friendship, who told u that??**

**Sirius (mon, 8:09 pm): all the best friendships are a little flirty. i am sitting on james' lap as type this message.**

**Sirius (mon, 8:09 pm): i just said "hey babe" out loud in the common room and 4 different ppl responded**

_ Remus (mon, 8:10 pm): there is. So much to unpack here.  _

**Sirius (mon, 8:11 pm): that’s a pretty common response to my existence**

_ Remus (mon, 8:13 pm): say hi to james for me _

**Sirius (mon, 8:14 pm): he says hello back and also that i can’t keep sitting on his lap if i’m not going to pay attention to him so talk to u tomorrow**

_ Remus (mon, 8:16 pm): have fun! _

  
  
  


_ Remus (mon, 11:48 pm): hey _

_ Remus (mon, 11:48 pm): so i know ur asleep _

_ Remus (mon, 11:48 pm): and i’m being weird _

_ Remus (mon, 11:49 pm): but i can’t stop thinking about earlier when u said u were flirting and u weren’t joking and then later u said that u flirt with all ur friends and i got so confused but i just _

_ Remus (mon, 11:49 pm): i know this is weird of me but u’ve become oddly important to me over the last 3 days and ur my only gay friend and i know i said that didn’t count but it does, kinda, actually, and i like talking to u and _

_ Remus (mon, 11:50 pm): anyway, all this to say _

_ Remus (mon, 11:50 pm): pls don’t be flirting with me _

_ Remus (mon, 11:51 pm): don’t get me wrong, i like it and all but i. need a friend right now _

_ Remus (mon, 11:57 pm): not that ur obligated to be that either! ugh this is coming out wrong _

_ Remus (mon, 11:57 pm): all i mean is. i like u, and i wanna keep talking to u, and i don’t wanna freak out or ruin shit bc i’m not ready to be out yet or whatever the fuck would inevitably mess things up _

_ Remus (mon, 11:58 pm): anyway, that’s all i had to say, sorry for being weird. hope ur sleeping well _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't worry, this is still an r/s fic we just like some healthy slow burn!! baby gays like remus should not leap into relationships like life boats from a sinking ship. also i know it's not v cash money of me to have remus be outed or of lily to read his texts but sometimes shit happens what matters is that i can promise to u now this fic will not include a poor reaction to coming out because it's being written as a form of therapy for me personally so if that's a trigger concern of yours you can rest easy. hope ur enjoying it!


	4. Tuesday: This Dark And Straight Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we discuss Remus' job at the record shop, Regulus, Shakespeare, Star Wars, and friendship.
> 
> tw: this chapter contains allusions to child abuse

_ Remus (mon, 11:50 pm): anyway, all this to say _

_ Remus (mon, 11:50 pm): pls don’t be flirting with me _

_ Remus (mon, 11:51 pm): don’t get me wrong, i like it and all but i. need a friend right now _

_ Remus (mon, 11:57 pm): not that ur obligated to be that either! ugh this is coming out wrong _

_ Remus (mon, 11:57 pm): all i mean is. i like u, and i wanna keep talking to u, and i don’t wanna freak out or ruin shit bc i’m not ready to be out yet or whatever the fuck would inevitably mess things up _

_ Remus (mon, 11:58 pm): anyway, that’s all i had to say, sorry for being weird. hope ur sleeping well _

**Sirius (tue, 8:36 am): hey remus that’s perfectly alright**

**Sirius (tue, 8:37 am): i don’t think ur being weird, thanks for letting me know bc i DEFINITELY would’ve kept flirting otherwise, but i like talking to u too, whether we’re flirting or not**

**Sirius (tue, 8:37 am): so how u doing this morning, friendo?**

  
  


_ Remus (tue, 9:16 am): (((hey sirius?))) _

_ Remus (tue, 9:16 am): (((thanks))) _

_ Remus (tue, 9:17 am): i’m fan-fucking-tastic on this fine morning, i’ve got work today which is decidedly better than schoolwork _

**Sirius (tue, 9:21 am): oh i didn’t realize u had a job, where do u work?**

_ Remus (tue, 9:24 am): a record store, i only work tuesdays-thursdays usually, so i don’t overload myself between school and work _

**Sirius (tue, 9:27 am): omg a record store that’s so vintage**

**Sirius (tue, 9:28 am): are u one of those people that believes an album made in the year of our lord 2017 genuinely sounds better on vinyl?**

**Sirius (tue, 9:28 am): james is like that it’s one of the top 10 most pretentious things about him, at least**

**Sirius (tue, 9:28 am): and there’s a lot about him that’s pretentious**

_ Remus (tue, 9:31 am): lmao no but i’m perfectly willing to sell records to ppl like that _

_ Remus (tue, 9:32 am): i like the atmosphere, if that makes sense. it’s weirdly calming to be surrounded by a bunch of old records. plus my boss is the best _

**Sirius (tue, 9:38 am): ya that makes perfect sense, record stores are incredibly punk rock, actually**

_ Remus (tue, 9:42 am): ya? what is it about them that’s punk rock? the old ladies that come in to replace their johnny cash or the hipsters that by records of french people screaming that were released 2 years ago? _

**Sirius (tue, 9:44 am): first of all, any small business owned by a cool boss is punk rock**

**Sirius (tue, 9:44 am): second of all, they preserve history and allow for artists to gain income from their work outside of stream revenue**

**Sirius (tue, 9:45 am): especially bc record stores can play a big role in supporting local artists, which is v important**

**Sirius (tue, 9:45 am): when the zombie apocalypse hits, and the internet fails us, records will be the only source of music left, our sole access point to joy and hope**

**Sirius (tue, 9:45 am): and finally, i like them and i say they’re punk rock so there**

_ Remus (tue, 9:46 am): are u on the debate team? _

**Sirius (tue, 9:47 am): absolutely not that is regulus’ territory**

_ Remus (tue, 9:49 am): who? _

**Sirius (tue, 9:54 am): shit, ah, my birth brother. he’s on the debate team. he and his friends. we don’t talk anymore. **

_ Remus (tue, 9:55 am): shit sorry _

_ Remus (tue, 9:59 am): i was just gonna say ur good at making up bullshit arguments on the spot _

**Sirius (tue, 10:05 am): excuse u it is not bullshit i am an expert on punk rock**

**Sirius (tue, 10:06 am): how dare u insinuate these are anything but legitimate facts i am generously sharing with you**

**Sirius (tue, 10:06 am): i should be charging tuition**

_ Remus (tue, 10:07 am): school of punk rock? _

**Sirius (tue, 10:10 am): yes exactly i will teach children how to wear leather jackets and be angry and hate capitalism with a fury that manifests itself through passion for public welfare, activism, and providing for your fellow man regardless of class. **

_ Remus (tue, 10:11 am): u know u started out cool and then u got. incredibly nerdy.  _

_ Remus (tue, 10:11 am): but it was still somehow cool and i’m really mad about it honestly _

**Sirius (tue, 10:12 am): really i’m just looking for ways to work phrases like ‘public welfare’ into conversation bc i know it turns u on**

**Sirius (tue, 10:13 am): ah shit i did that flirting thing again, my b**

_ Remus (tue, 10:14 am): nah it’s okay, i don’t mind. like i said i’d just rather be friends _

**Sirius (tue, 10:16 am): listen**

**Sirius (tue, 10:16 am): i am rather flirty by nature, even with friends.**

**Sirius (tue, 10:16 am): but i can absolutely tone it down if it’s gonna bother you**

_ Remus (tue, 10:17 am): no, no it’s fine just making sure we’re on the same page _

**Sirius (tue, 10:18 am): yep, Friendship**

**Sirius (tue, 10:18 am): altho i need u to sign a notorized document assuring this fact for james, who has not and will not stop referring to u as ‘the old ball and chain’**

**Sirius (tue, 10:19 am): he has already called dibs on godfather to our child idk how we’re gonna break the news to him**

_ Remus (tue, 10:20 am): has it ever occurred to you that you and james could like,,,, chill? even a little? _

**Sirius (tue, 10:21 am): what kinda fucking blaspheme**

**Sirius (tue, 10:21 am): we are the one thing standing between hogwarts and mediocrity.**

**Sirius (tue, 10:21 am): we are the lifeblood of this town**

_ Remus (tue, 10:23 am): u are the headache of this town _

_ Remus (tue, 10:24 am): so u go to hogwarts? _

**Sirius (tue, 10:26 am): ya, u know it?**

_ Remus (tue, 10:28 am): yeah it’s not too far from where i work. it’s weird that you’re that close _

**Sirius (tue, 10:28 am): !!!! fuck that’s cool. every day it looks more and more like my theory is correct**

_ Remus (tue, 10:29 am): that we were switched at birth? _

**Sirius (tue, 10:31 am): adlfkafj i meant that we’ve met before**

**Sirius (tue, 10:32 am): and by extension that i was probably hitting on u**

_ Remus (tue, 10:33 am): u have not, trust me, i would’ve remembered any boy hitting on me _

**Sirius (tue, 10:34 am): wait are u saying you’ve never been hit on by a guy?**

_ Remus (tue, 10:35 am): no? it’s not like there are a ton of gay guys around here, and i don’t think i’m showing up on any of their gaydars _

**Sirius (tue, 10:37 am): this is a fucking outrage**

**Sirius (tue, 10:37 am): a crime**

**Sirius (tue, 10:37 am): a tragedy of immeasurable proportions**

**Sirius (tue, 10:37 am): a great injustice**

**Sirius (tue, 10:38 am): i can’t believe u’ve never been hit on by a cute boy????? u deserve so much better than the world has given u???**

**Sirius (tue, 10:38 am): it’s a real game changer, my friend**

_ Remus (tue, 10:40 am): lmao i’ll take your word for it _

_ Remus (tue, 10:43 am): so what class are u ignoring right now? _

**Sirius (tue, 10: 46 am): english. again. shakespeare. my mortal enemy.**

_ Remus (tue, 10:48 am): anakin ur breaking my heart _

**Sirius (tue, 10:51 am): my name is sirius**

_ Remus (tue, 10:53 am): no it's _

_ Remus (tue, 10:53 am): wow okay _

_ Remus (tue, 10:53 am): ur really that uncultured, ig _

_ Remus (tue, 10:53 am): it's fine _

**Sirius (tue, 10:54 am): is anakin that dumb space boy with the rattail?**

_ Remus (tue, 10:56 am): i. i mean, yes _

_ level _

_ Remus (tue, 10:56 am): but i feel like that's a less than complete assessment of the character of anakin skywalker _

**Sirius (tue, 10:57 am): ur telling me ur not only unironically into shakespeare, but star wars too????? how does one achieve that level of nerd??**

_ Remus (tue, 11:02 am): first of all, star wars and geek culture in general is mainstream now so jot that down _

_ Remus (tue, 11:02 am): second of all, a lot of the same archetypes from shakespearean plays can be found in star wars, it's about telling the same stories over and over, in a way that each new generation can understand, and it's the oldest human cross cultural tradition _

_ Remus (tue, 11:03 am): what do u think the lion king is? just a retelling of your dear friend hamlet _

**Sirius (tue, 11:04 am): oh i get it, this shit is ur sustainable public welfare programs**

_ Remus (tue, 11:04 am): …. u could say that _

**Sirius (tue, 11:06 am): james has been making jokes about the lion king this whole class, that might explain that**

_ Remus (tue, 11:07 am): have u never seen it???? _

**Sirius (tue, 11:10 am): weird childhood. **

**Sirius (tue, 11:10 am): so ur boss doesn't mind u texting on the job?**

_ Remus (tue, 11:13 am): nah and he's hardly ever here even if he did _

_ Remus (tue, 11:13 am): he's this funky old gay man named dumbledore who's basically just selling all the records he's accumulated over the years _

**Sirius (tue, 11:14 am): wait albus dumbledore?? like the headmaster of hogwarts?? **

_ Remus (tue, 11:16 am): nah, aberforth dumbledore. i think he's mentioned his brother working up at the school though, that's probably who you're talking about  _

**Sirius (tue, 11:17 am): oh fuck wild**

**Sirius (tue, 11:18 am): minnie is looking at me with fire in her eyes oh dear gtg pray for me brethren**

_ Remus (tue, 11:20 am): what a deeply cryptic and concerning message  _

_ Remus (tue, 11:23 am): farewell dear sirius, u were a burst of light and rampant homosexuality on this dark and straight earth _

  
  
  
  


**Sirius (tue, 4:26 pm): 'dark and straight earth' sounds like the title for a ya novel about a cult that serves as a thinly veiled metaphor for flat earthers**

**Sirius (tue, 4:27 pm): also !!!! wow im the light of ur life thanks for finally admitting it**

**Sirius (tue, 4:27 pm): minnie is my english prof, she caught me texting in class and took my phone**

_ Remus (the, 4:28 pm): u call ur professor minnie??? _

**Sirius (tue, 4:29 pm): we have a very close relationship**

**Sirius (tue, 4:29 pm): she's kind of like my third mom**

**Sirius (tue, 4:30 pm): u kno, the mom that looks at u dissaprovingly for pranks she knows are fckn awesome and takes ur phone for texting in class and says "that's professor mcgonagall to you" when u call her mom**

_ Remus (tue, 4:33 pm): oh yes, that mom _

**Sirius (tue, 4:36 pm): ya that mom**

**Sirius (tue, 4:39 pm): so how was work?**

_ Remus (tue, 4:42 pm): p good, we only got 5 hipsters and 3 elders today so i spent most of my shift organizing records and fucking around _

**Sirius (tue, 4:43 pm): did u know u have the dream job?**

_ Remus (tue, 4:42 pm): i did actually, but thank u for reminding me.  _

**Sirius (tue, 4:45 pm): hey question, altho it’s chill if you don’t know don’t wanna tell me**

**Sirius (tue, 4:45 pm): what do you wanna like,,, do? career wise i mean**

**Sirius (tue, 4:46 pm): like u thinking about staying on at the record shop forever? cause that’s a valid option and stuff**

_ Remus (tue, 4:42 pm): i mean it’s great for now, and i’ll probably work here for a good few years, but i’m hoping to be a teacher _

**Sirius (tue, 4:43 pm): o really?? that’s really interesting coming from a homeschooled kid**

_ Remus (tue, 4:44 pm): well what do u wanna do? _

**Sirius (tue, 4:46 pm): social work babeeeyy**

_ Remus (tue, 4:46 pm): really interesting coming from a private school kid _

**Sirius (tue, 4:47 pm): ,,, fair enough**

**Sirius (tue, 4:47 pm): i’m guessing u wanna teach english like the big nerd u are?? what age??**

_ Remus (tue, 4:49 pm): prolly high school, but idk, i could also do middle school or smth.  _

  
  
  


**Sirius (tue, 6:32 pm): hey sorry some uhh,,,,, stuff happened.**

**Sirius (tue, 6:33 pm): for what it’s worth, i, the guy who’s been texting u for exactly 5 days, thinks u’d be great at that**

_ Remus (tue, 6:35 pm): thanks! i really appreciate that, actually! i just hope i can make it through paying college and afford tuition and all. It’s scholarship app season babeyyy _

_ Remus (tue, 6:35 pm): also do you wanna talk about it? _

**Sirius (tue, 6:36 pm): ,,,,, we’re like what, level 6 friendship?**

_ Remus (tue, 6:37 pm): out of what? _

**Sirius (tue, 6:37 pm): out of ten, obviously, what kind of videogames are u playing??**

_ Remus (tue, 6:38 pm): look me in the eyes and tell me you honestly think i’m a gamer _

_ Remus (tue, 6:38 pm): but ya, that sounds about right. do i have to reach level 8 to unlock this particular story or smth???  _

_ Remus (tue, 6:38 pm): it’s chill if so, i don’t mean to pry _

**Sirius (tue, 6:38 pm): nah it’s okay basically uhh, my brother, the birth one, regulus? i think i mentioned him earlier?**

**Sirius (tue, 6:39 pm): we haven’t spoken since i uh, left home**

**Sirius (tue, 6:39 pm): but he came up to me at dinner and asked how i was doing**

**Sirius (tue, 6:40 pm): he had some uhh bruises and stuff**

**Sirius (tue, 6:40 pm): i couldn’t get him to tell me where they came from or go to the nurse’s with me**

**Sirius (tue, 6:41 pm): he said he just wanted to know if i was okay**

**Sirius (tue, 6:41 pm): we talked for a while and then he left**

**Sirius (tue, 6:41 pm): afterwards, marlene said she’d heard the debate kids are giving him shit recently**

**Sirius (tue, 6:42 pm): idk what’s going on i’m just worried about him **

_ Remus (tue, 6:42 pm): hey yeah that’s super understandable, i’m really sorry, are you doing okay?? _

**Sirius (tue, 6:43 pm): ya i think so, it was a couple hours ago but i had to take some time to calm down before i could look at my phone. still kinda antsy tho, i’ll probably let drag james drag me out on the motorbike and grab ice cream or find a place to scream at the sky or smth**

_ Remus (tue, 6:43 pm): okay, hope you feel better, stay safe, i’ll talk to you tomorrow? _

**Sirius (tue, 6:45 pm): of course, who else would explain the deep cultural significance of star wars to me??**

**Sirius (tue, 6:45 pm): hope u have a good evening remus, talk to you tomorrow**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes lads i did just imply that all debate kids are slytherin thank u for noticing. i think i tagged referenced child abuse but just a heads up that will in fact be a prominent theme though i will not be including any explicitly abusive scenes and i will promise you a happy ending. hope ur all doing well!


	5. Wednesday: The Death of Hozier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a phone is confiscated, a lesbian is sighted, and an essay is 17 pages long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know that Noelle Stevenson tweet like "Assume all of my characters are gay unless otherwise specified"??? Assume all of my James Potter's are ADHD unless otherwise specified. Also if I ever write a marauders fic without marlene/dorcas assume that i've been possessed by a malevolent spirit doing a poor job of impersonating me.

**Sirius (wed, 8:45 am): remus what’s it called when u have a hangover but u weren’t drinking**

_ Remus (wed, 8:52 am): a headache? _

**Sirius (wed, 8:53 am): no but like. from being up too late. **

_ Remus (wed, 8:56 am): Sirius that’s called being tired _

_ Remus (wed, 8:56 am): take a nap _

**Sirius (wed, 9:02 am): i cannot, god has cursed me for my hubris and my work is never finished**

**Sirius (wed, 9:02 am): by which i mean i have class and if i fall asleep james will draw a dick on my face**

_ Remus (wed, 9:03 am): i thought u were punk rock _

_ Remus (wed, 9:03 am): can u not just,,,,, skip?? _

**Sirius (wed, 9:05 am): i wish, but unfortunately, education is punk rock**

_ Remus (wed, 9:05 am): valid point. counterpoint: self care and not overworking yourself is also punk rock. this is a lesson straight from the punk rock king himself. _

**Sirius (wed, 9:06 am): o fuck, i’ve had my own philosophy used against me**

**Sirius (wed, 9:06 am): the cute young apprentice has become the unexpectedly sexy master**

_ Remus (wed, 9:08 am): alright _

_ Remus (wed, 9:08 am): let’s unpack all that _

_ Remus (wed, 9:08 am): first of all, _

_ Remus (wed, 9:08 am): it’s not being used against u. it’s being used FOR u. i am advocating for sirius rights. because for some reason, even tho ur fucking weird and our entire relationship has comprised of texts sent over the course of five days, i care about your well being, you fuck wit _

_ Remus (wed, 9:09 am): second of all, i stand by the fact that u have NOT seen me and whether i may or may not be cute or ‘unexpectedly sexy’ is highly classified information _

**Sirius (wed, 9:09 am): i don’t have to see u to know ur cute, i just Know**

**Sirius (wed, 9:10 am): i’ve got a sense for these things**

_ Remus (wed, 9:11 am): u mean ur thirsty and u think everyone is cute _

**Sirius (wed, 9:12 am): excuse u that’s homophobic i have never not once in my life had a thirst**

_ Remus (wed, 9:12 am): my deepest apologies, i’ll turn myself into the police for slander and hate crimes _

**Sirius (wed, 9:12 am): as u should!! i hope u have a very good think about what u’ve done. a long hard think.**

_ Remus (wed, 9:15 am): i have returned from my long hard think, atop a mountain, in perfect solitude, reflecting on the gravity of my actions and i have reached a conclusion _

**Sirius (wed, 9:15 am): oh? what’s that?**

_ Remus (wed, 9:16 am): that ur a thirsty bitch _

**Sirius (wed, 9:16 am): alkdfja;lfasf**

**Sirius (wed, 9:17 am): hey remus, this is james, ur right! sirius is a thirsty bitch! but he’s also a dumb bitch about to get detention for texting in class AGAIN so i have confiscated his phone. He’ll return to his regularly scheduled flirting at a later point in time. **

_ Remus (wed, 9:18 am): thank u for ur service, james _

  
  
  
  


_ Remus (wed, 12:34 pm): sirius idk if james has returned ur phone to ur possession yet but there is a lesbian in the book shop right now _

_ Remus (wed, 12:34 pm): i repeat, a lesbian has been sighted _

_ Remus (wed, 12:35 pm): actually, she could be bi, idk, fuck, am i shitty for assuming? _

_ Remus (wed, 12:35 pm): i mean she has a pride flag pin on, the rainbow one _

_ Remus (wed, 12:35 pm): FUCK what if she’s not even a she and i’ve been misgendering her this whole time?? _

_ Remus (wed, 12:36 pm): fuck fuck fuck _

**Sirius (wed, 12:36 pm): remus calm down it’s chill, ur not a monster, just tell them u like their pin and see if they seem like they wanna talk**

_ Remus (wed, 12:37 pm): what if they think i’m flirting???? _

**Sirius (wed, 12:37 pm): remus**

**Sirius (wed, 12:37 pm): it’s a pride flag pin**

_ Remus (wed, 12:38 pm): right. right. ur right. i can do this. i’m cool. or at least functioning. ppl like me. lily likes me. you like me. _

_ Remus (wed, 12:38 pm): wait fuck u do like me, right? _

_ Remus (wed, 12:38 pm): wait no, doesn’t matter. it doesn’t matter, i can do this okay putting the phone down _

**Sirius (wed, 12:40 pm): good! have fun! i believe in u!**

**Sirius (wed, 12:40 pm): and yes Remus, i like you. i actually like u a lot. in fact, i like u so much james has to take my phone to keep me from texting u in class.**

**Sirius (wed, 12:41 pm): which btw, i wasn’t flirting, in case that needed to be reiterated after james’ v unnecessary comments**

  
  


_ Remus (wed, 1:13 pm): her name is dorcas, she uses she/her pronouns, she IS a lesbian, she has the same opinions on oscar wilde as i do and now i have her number so we can hang out sometime _

_ Remus (wed, 1:13 pm): seriously, we talked about dorian gray for like, ten minutes straight. _

_ Remus (wed, 1:14 pm): we could’ve kept going, but i had to help another customer, it was incredibly homophobic _

_ Remus (wed, 1:14 pm): ((also,,, thanks, sirius)) _

**Sirius (wed, 1:16 pm): hey!! that’s great! i’m so happy for u!**

**Sirius (wed, 1:16 pm): i too have opinions on oscar wilde**

_ Remus (wed, 1:18 pm): which are? _

**Sirius (wed, 1:19 pm): gay**

_ Remus (wed, 1:21 pm): afldkjalfkdaj that he is, sirius, that he sure fucking is _

**Sirius (wed, 1:23 pm): is??? i thought your boy was dead**

_ Remus (wed, 1:24 pm): once u reach a certain level of gay, death is too fearful to take u _

**Sirius (wed, 1:25 pm): is death homophobic??? like he’s afraid to catch the gay??**

_ Remus (wed, 1:27 pm): no he acknowledges our power and respects it _

**Sirius (wed, 1:28 pm): death is the only true ally**

_ Remus (wed, 1:29 pm): and hozier _

**Sirius (wed, 1:29 pm): and hozier**

**Sirius (wed, 1:31 pm): may he rest in peace**

_ Remus (wed, 1:33 pm): he’s not dead _

**Sirius (wed, 1:34 pm): right, just like oscar wilde ;)**

_ Remus (wed, 1:34 pm): no, sirius _

_ Remus (wed, 1:35 pm): he’s like, actually alive _

_ Remus (wed, 1:35 pm): no harm has befallen hozier _

_ Remus (wed, 1:36 pm): it is very important to me that you understand this _

**Sirius (wed, 1:36 pm): whatever you say ;)**

_ Remus (wed, 1:37 pm): sirius what is james’ phone number _

**Sirius (wed, 1:37 pm): 521-555-7720 why**

_ Remus (wed, 1:40 pm): james this is remus the boy sirius has been texting, causing you to temporarily confiscate his phone _

_ Remus (wed, 1:40 pm): i have a favor to ask you _

James (wed, 1:40 pm): anything 

_ Remus (wed, 1:41 pm): ,,, really? just like that? _

James (wed, 1:41 pm): ya idk u just seem neat 

James (wed, 1:41 pm): it’s not like i have like,, boundaries or self respect or a life or anything, i’m down for whatever 

_ Remus (wed, 1:42 pm): ,,,, i’ll address that at a later point in time, i suppose _

_ Remus (wed, 1:43 pm ): right now i need u to tell sirius that hozier is very much alive and also if he sends me one more winky face i’m calling the police _

James (wed, 1:43 pm): fantastic, i’m on it, anything for you, light of my life 

_ Remus (wed, 1:44 pm): we’ve spoken once _

James (wed, 1:44 pm): the forest dryad singer boy is alive and if u send remus, my most dearly beloved friend, another winky face i will personally kick ur ass 

James (wed, 1:44 pm ): and also come to the library, i’m bored 

**Sirius (wed, 1:45 pm): didn’t u go to the library to study, saying, and i quote, “sirius if u dare come and try to distract me i will commit grievous sins against ur person”**

James (wed, 1:45 pm): we don’t pull out receipts in this family 

**Sirius (wed, 1:46 pm): that's absolutely false but the only way i could prove that would be to pull out the receipts so it appears we're at an impasse**

**Sirius (wed, 1:47 pm): fine, i'll come quiz u but only if u let me copy ur chem notes**

James (wed, 1:47 pm): the ones u missed bc u were too busy texting remus??? 

**Sirius (wed, 1:48 pm): read at 1:48 pm**

James (wed, 1:48 pm): did u just type out and send ur own read receipt just to leave me on read?? 

**Sirius (wed, 1:49 pm): okay, the folk musician commonly referred to as hozier does seem to be alive and living and i will cease and desist with the winky faces**

_ Remus (wed, 1:50 pm): thank God _

_ Remus (wed, 1:51 pm): i do have to go now though, i have to do inventory shit_

**Sirius (wed, 1:51 pm): ya i promised james i'd help him study anyways, ttyl, have fun with inventory**

_ Remus (wed, 10:20 pm): i have finally finished work and fixing dinner and all of my studying for the night and now it is time to lay on the floor listening to the weather machine and feeling emotions _

**Sirius (wed, 10:24 pm): fuck ya floor time, babey**

**Sirius (wed, 10:25 pm): if only james too could chill tf out and have floor time, but alas**

**Sirius (wed, 10:25 pm): he has gotten excited about a science thing i do not understand and has now turned a 4 page essay into a monstrosity 17 pages and counting**

_ Remus (wed, 10:26 pm): as if u have room to talk mr. 'let me access public budget plans and set up an entire theoretical government budget that includes funding for my passion project' _

_ Remus (wed, 10:26 pm): u are two sides of the same overachieving coin _

**Sirius (wed, 10:27 pm): ya but at least i SLEEP i have been trying to get this dipshit to stop and eat dinner for 5 hrs now to no avail**

_ Remus (wed, 10:28 pm): sorry he's been writing this essay for 5 hrs straight?? _

**Sirius (wed, 10:28 pm): 7 actually but i only started bugging him to stop for dinner around 5:30**

**Sirius (wed, 10:29 pm): by now the cafeterias are closed and i'm gonna have to smuggle him into the kitchens**

_ Remus (wed, 10:29 pm): have u given him the bit about self care being punk rock?? _

**Sirius (wed, 10:31 pm): twice now, he says he's "forsaken his youthful rebellion for the life of a sexy, inspired academic"**

**Sirius (wed, 10:31 pm): he also impressed upon me that he wears sweater vests and cardigans, and was therefore never very punk rock**

_ Remus (wed, 10:32 pm): i wear sweater vests and cardigans _

**Sirius (wed, 10:33 pm): ya but in a sexy mysterious way, james wears them in a 'please pour soup all over me' way**

**Sirius (wed, 10:34 pm): which i have, several times, but the issue persists**

_ Remus (wed, 10:34 pm): i literally,,,,, _

_ Remus (wed, 10:34 pm): what does that even mean????? _

_ Remus (wed, 10:35 pm): how am I supposed to respond to this?? _

_ Remus (wed, 10:35 pm): who let u loose on this earth and how may i speak with their manager _

**Sirius (wed, 10:36 pm): nobody let me loose, i broke out and now the earth must reckon with me**

**Sirius (wed, 10:37 pm): there is no force in all the solar system to stop me**

**Sirius (wed, 10:37 pm): except for james, hyperfixated and refusing dinner**

_ Remus (wed, 10:38 pm): james go and eat, the world needs your sexy and inspired academic brain to be healthy _

James (wed, 10:38 pm):,,,,,, i suppose my outline is thorough enough that i'll be able to continue at a later date 

**Sirius (wed, 10:40 pm): he just got up, Closed All The Tabs, and finally said we could go to the kitchens but "only because the fair Remus requested the journey of me"**

**Sirius (wed, 10:40 pm): I owe you a blood debt**

_ Remus (wed, 10:41 pm): yes and i owe myself a good night's rest because i, despite being an avid wearer of cardigans, am incredibly punk rock _

_ Remus (wed, 10:42 pm): good night sirius, have fun sneaking into the kitchens, sleep well and tell james to do the same _

**Sirius (wed, 10:43 pm): and to u as well remus, my actual hero**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i spent a large amount of time listening to "Puppet" by the weather machine as I was writing this chapter. hope y'all are enjoying this and doing well!


	6. Thursday: Gerard Way Appreciation Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we listen to a concerning amount of My Chemical Romance, and a bedtime story is told.

_ Remus (thu, 2:33 pm): in this bookstore we listen to the lumineers and the lumineers alone, i do not care how many customers give me concerned looks and ask me how i'm doing, I have the aux cable and i have the power _

**Sirius (thu, 2:47 pm): lots of sad acoustic music recently, huh?**

_ Remus (thu, 2:52 pm): not u too _

_ Remus (thu, 2:52 pm): i have rights, u kno _

**Sirius (thu, 2:54 pm): if i told u i'd spent the whole day listening to my chemical romance u'd be concerned, right?**

_ Remus (thu, 2:55 pm): idk, HAVE u been listening to mcr all day?? _

**Sirius (thu, 2:56 pm): no comment**

_ Remus (thu, 2:57 pm): fair enough _

_ Remus (thu, 2:57 pm): for what it's worth, listening to sad acoustic music doesn't usually mean I'm sad, for me at least. usually it's just peaceful. i don't have anything to be angry about. everything's good. i can listen to some funky guitar boys _

**Sirius (thu, 2:58 pm): that's good to know, actually**

**Sirius (thu, 3:00 pm): i love slowly declassifying information about remus**

_ Remus (thu, 3:02 pm): it’s the mortifying ordeal of being known, babey _

  
  


_ Remus (thu, 9:46 pm): is it still gerard way appreciation hours? _

**Sirius (thu, 9:52 pm): it's always gerard way appreciation hours in this good emo household**

**Sirius (thu, 9:53 pm): but if ur question is whether or not im still listening to black parade on loop, the answer is yes**

_ Remus (thu, 9:55 pm): alright so if sad acoustic music means shit's okay for me, what does angsty shouting mean for u? _

**Sirius (thu, 9:56 pm): i mean**

**Sirius (thu, 9:56 pm): not to bring the mood down**

**Sirius (thu, 9:57 pm): but Sometimes**

**Sirius (thu, 9:57 pm): on occasion**

**Sirius (thu, 9:57 pm): i have been known to**

**Sirius (thu, 9:58 pm): have depression**

**Sirius (thu, 9:59 pm): and maybe it's weird and not a great coping mechanism but when i was younger i always listened to mcr when it got bad**

**Sirius (thu, 9:59 pm): not to get deep or anything but it helps to get angry at something other than myself**

**Sirius (thu, 10:00 pm): not that i actually get angry At something/someone i'm not a displacing bastard who takes it out on james or whoever else is closest i just mean like**

**Sirius (thu, 10:01 pm): angry music helps me remember that it's okay to be pissed about the stuff that's happened to me and that i don't have to just accept all the bad brain shit that came with it**

**Sirius (thu, 10:02 pm): ya feel?**

**Sirius (thu, 10:02 pm): sorry for dumping all that btw i mean u did in fact ask but i know that's a lot**

_ Remus (thu, 10:02 pm): no i feel _

_ Remus (thu, 10:03 pm): and u don't have to apologise, i don't mind, and like u said, i did ask _

**Sirius (thu, 10:03 pm): ya but i remembered in like the middle of that that we've known each other less than a week so i am still sorry**

_ Remus (thu, 10:04 pm): a week that started with me coming out to you and has only gotten more weirdly real from there. i feel like we are beyond the normal levels of friendship for a week of texting _

**Sirius (thu, 10:05 pm): idk if there is a normal level of friendship for people who have been texting for a week despite having never met because of a git named Snape and a wrong number because actually, none of that is normal**

**Sirius (thu, 10:05 pm): and no matter how close we are, i never wanna dump emotional shit on u if u don't have the energy for it**

_ Remus (thu, 10:06 pm): i really don't mind talking about mental health stuff, im okay with it, but i promise if im ever not i will tell u right away _

**Sirius (thu, 10:06 pm): okay deal **

**Sirius (thu, 10:06 pm): ((hey remus??)) ((thank u))**

_ Remus (thu, 10:07 pm): ya absolutely _

_ Remus (thu, 10:08 pm): do u? wanna talk about it now? _

_ Remus (thu, 10:08 pm): obviously u don't gotta no pressure whatsoever and im sure u usually talk about this stuff with james or something _

**Sirius (thu, 10:09 pm): i mean**

**Sirius (thu, 10:10 pm): what's neat about james is that he just kinda Knows when it's a bad day and like ya if i need to talk about it i do and we'll sit on his bed and yell or go out for a ride and yell**

**Sirius (thu, 10:11 pm): tonight i don't super feel like talking about it but you could uh, distract me? if u wanted?**

_ Remus (thu, 10:12 pm): absolutely, have any particular distraction in mind? _

_ Remus (thu, 10:13 pm): i swear if u send a winky face _

**Sirius (thu, 10:13 pm): i'll be honest, i did consider it, but i took a blood oath and i don't take those lightly**

_ Remus (thu, 10:14 pm): PLEASE tell me james did not actually make u draw blood _

**Sirius (thu, 10:14 pm): not physically but spiritually**

**Sirius (thu, 10:15 pm): ur an english nerd, right? u like stories?**

_ Remus (thu, 10:15 pm): that's like saying u think leather jackets are okay _

**Sirius (thu, 10:16 pm): what makes u think i own a leather jacket**

_ Remus (thu, 10:16 pm): u have a lot of balls but not enough to call urself punk rock without owning a leather jacket _

**Sirius (thu, 10:17 pm): weren't u the one who made the argument that cardigans and sweatervests were punk rock????**

_ Remus (thu, 10:17 pm): ya but im the only one who can pull that off. nobody else on the entire planet can make cardigans sexy and punk rock _

**Sirius (thu, 10:17 pm): andjdjakdjd how do u expect me not to fall in love with u, god**

**Sirius (thu, 10:17 pm): ur right, u do make cardigans punk rock and i do own a leather jacket**

_ Remus (thu, 10:18 pm): and you're right too, im a big english nerd _

**Sirius (thu, 10:19 pm): would you want to tell me a story then?**

**Sirius (thu, 10:19 pm): only if u want to**

**Sirius (thu, 10:19 pm): just if it sounds fun**

_ Remus (thu, 10:20 pm): yeah sirius, i'd like that a lot _

_ Remus (thu, 10:21 pm): once upon a time there was a young boy named Orion _

**Sirius (thu, 10:22 pm): oh, no, wait, sorry**

**Sirius (thu, 10:22 pm): that's my, uh, birth father's name**

**Sirius (thu, 10:22 pm): i kno this is shitty but would u mind if?**

_ Remus (thu, 10:23 pm): oh, im so sorry, i didn't know _

_ Remus (thu, 10:23 pm): i just thought, ya know, ur named after a star, i could name my protagonist after a star _

_ Remus (thu, 10:23 pm): guess I should've picked up on the theme when u mentioned ur birth brother's name _

_ Remus (thu, 10:23 pm): once upon a time, there was a young boy named padfoot _

_ Remus (thu, 10:24 pm): he was called this bc when he was born a big black dog, like the one in the constellation that holds the star sirius, came to take him away to a magical forest _

_ Remus (thu, 10:25 pm): in this forest the big black dog taught him how he too, though a human, could turn into a slightly smaller black dog. a puppy.  _

_ Remus (thu, 10:26 pm): so padfoot lived happily as a puppy and met a young buck and made friends with him _

_ Remus (thu, 10:27 pm): prongs had a human mother and father who loved him very much, so he did not live in the forest, but he came nearly every day to keep padfoot company and to spend his days as a deer _

_ Remus (thu, 10:27 pm): together they ruled the forest, and everything was exciting and full of adventures, but also peaceful and safe, because nothing truly dangerous was in this forest _

_ Remus (thu, 10:28 pm): even the creatures with very sharp teeth loved padfoot and prongs (that was the buck's name) as if they were their own sons _

**Sirius (thu, 10:28 pm): hey is prongs james?**

_ Remus (thu, 10:29 pm): No Prongs Is A Fictional Deer In A Magic Forest _

_ Remus (thu, 10:30 pm): but ya, prongs is james _

**Sirius (thu, 10:30 pm): cool thanks**

_ Remus (thu, 10:31 pm): so happily they got their games and managed their mischief in the forest _

_ Remus (thu, 10:31 pm): until one full moon, a wolf ran wild across the forest, tearing up trees and scaring all of padfoot & prongs' smaller friends, the rabbits and squirrels _

_ Remus (thu, 10:32 pm): padfoot & prongs didn't know what to do, they'd never had to be afraid before _

_ Remus (thu, 10:33 pm): after a reasonable two or three minutes of being afraid, they decided that just wasn't for them and went off to try and find the wolf _

_ Remus (thu, 10:34 pm): they searched by the river, but the fish had seen no wolf _

_ Remus (thu, 10:34 pm): they asked the birds, but all they'd seen was the sky _

_ Remus (thu, 10:35 pm): they talked to all the trees but all they spoke of was a sad young boy, who'd just arrived in the forest, covered in scars _

_ Remus (thu, 10:36 pm): they asked the trees where to find him and they said they'd seen him at the edge of town, slowly replanting roots the wolf had dug up the night before, even though the boy was obviously in bad shape and should go see mrs. potter, prongs' mother, before he broke his bones any worse _

_ Remus (thu, 10:37 pm): they found him just as the trees said they would, whispering an apology to a daffodil as he patted the soil around it. _

_ Remus (thu, 10:38 pm): they asked him if he knew anything about the wolf that had come through the night before _

_ Remus (thu, 10:39 pm): the boy's shoulders sagged, but he didn't lie. he told them he knew quite a bit about the wolf, as it was he himself _

_ Remus (thu, 10:40 pm): he was not like padfoot and prongs who had learned to be dogs and deer and could switch between four and two legs at will _

_ Remus (thu, 10:41 pm): he had been forced into his halfway state at quite a young age, and every full moon he lost control of his body and turned into a wolf, who wrecked everything he could get his teeth into, ruined everything he could touch with his dirty paws _

_ Remus (thu, 10:42 pm): and every morning after the full, he did his best to remedy the damage the wolf had caused in the night, then moved on to another forest, for no woods would keep him once they knew _

_ Remus (thu, 10:42 pm): padfoot, without thinking, said "these woods will" _

_ Remus (thu, 10:43 pm): the boy, whose name was moony, looked up in confusion while prongs explained that he and padfoot were kings of this forest, and he could be too, if he wanted, and they would allow him to stay there as long as he wanted _

_ Remus (thu, 10:44 pm): "but- the mess I made- all the creatures i frightened" moony said, but prongs cut him off _

_ Remus (thu, 10:45 pm): "next time, you'll have us to keep the wolf busy. we'll play all sorts of games and have all sorts of adventures, just like padfoot and i do in the day, and we'll be sure to tell all the littler animals to stay inside. you don't have to leave again." _

_ Remus (thu, 10:46 pm): after a reasonable two or three minutes of being afraid, moony decided that just wasn't for him, and accepted prongs and padfoot's offer _

_ Remus (thu, 10:47 pm): so prongs took him home that night to his mother so that she could take care of him and when she was all finished she offered him a bed to sleep in, for that night and every night after _

_ Remus (thu, 10:48 pm): moony thanked her for her kindness, but, like padfoot, was quite accustomed to sleeping in the forest by now and rather preferred it _

_ Remus (thu, 10:49 pm): so padfoot and moony slept peacefully under the stars that night knowing that the sun would rise, prongs would come, rivers would flow, birds would build nests, leaves would fall, daffodils would regrow and the moon would wax and wane but everything would be okay _

_ Remus (thu, 10:49 pm): the end _

**Sirius (thu, 10:50 pm): hey remus?**

_ Remus (thu, 10:50 pm): ya? _

**Sirius (thu, 10:51 pm): thank you**

_ Remus (thu, 10:51 pm): you're welcome _

**Sirius (thu, 10:53 pm): hey remus?**

_ Remus (thu, 10:53 pm): ya? _

**Sirius (thu, 10:54 pm): if im padfoot, and prongs is james, who's the wolf?**

_ Remus (thu, 10:55 pm): nobody _

_ Remus (thu, 10:55 pm): he's just a wolf _

**Sirius (thu, 10:56 pm): oh, okay**

**Sirius (thu, 10:59 pm): hey remus?**

_ Remus (thu, 11:00 pm): ya? _

**Sirius (thu, 11:00 pm): sorry i didn't text u earlier today**

_ Remus (thu, 11:01 pm): hey it's absolutely fine ur not under any like, obligation or anything _

**Sirius (thu, 11:02 pm): i know, just**

**Sirius (thu, 11:02 pm): i wanted to, and i didn't bc sometimes talking is hard on days like this**

**Sirius (thu, 11:02 pm): but I wanted to**

**Sirius (thu, 11:03 pm): i really like talking to you, remus**

**Sirius (thu, 11:04 pm): i really like you**

_ Remus (thu, 11:06 pm): hey sirius? _

_ Remus (thu, 11:06 pm): i really like u too _

_ Remus (thu, 11:07 pm): i really, really like u _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah i know this chapter is more depresso and also somewhat shorter than the other chapters, i promise next chapter picks it up. i am also extremely aware that this fic is not going to age well because of how much current lingo and tumblr memeage i'm inserting buuuuut i'm having a grand ole time, so. hope you're all having a great day!!!


	7. Friday: Fourty-Two Apples

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update! i have had 0 time to post, on friday i drove 5 hours to see my brother's play and saturday i was celebrating my friends birthday in a whole other different city so it's been a weekend, lads. i promise you can still expect regular updates every weekend though

**Sirius (fri, 9:02 am): i like u more BITCH**

**Sirius (fri, 9:03 am): good morning to u it is yet another whole ass day here we go**

**Sirius (fri, 9:03 am): remus light of my life apple of my eye gayest of friends how are we feeling on this ass crack of dawn**

_ Remus (fri, 9:05 am): well okay first of all the sun rose at seven _

_ Remus (fri, 9:05 am) so we are no longer in the ass crack of dawn _

_ Remus (fri, 9:05 am): more like the kneecap of dawn _

_ Remus (fri, 9:06 am): second of all, if i ever meet marlene i’m telling her u said i’m ur gayest friend and i will utilize her fury to raise an army against you _

_ Remus (fri, 9:06 am): thirdly, i’m doing fine, how are you? _

**Sirius (fri, 9:08 am): fantastic now that you’re awake**

**Sirius (fri, 9:09 am): i am going to go to CLASS and i am going to LEARN and get EDUCATED and enjoy the company of my BROTHER james potter and also my good friend marlene and i am going to leave forty two apples on minnie’s desk and nobody can stop me**

_ Remus (fri, 9:10 am): minnie can stop you. she almost certainly will stop you. _

_ Remus (fri, 9:10 am): also i cannot express to u enough how much it pains me to refer to a known professor as ‘minnie’ pls tell me her real name i am begging u _

**Sirius (fri, 9:11 am): those less acquainted refer to her as professor mcgonagall and she would never**

**Sirius (fri, 9:12 am): i mean, she definitely WILL, but ya kno**

**Sirius (fri, 9:12 am): she can’t if she doesn’t catch me i have the morning off i am going to the market before her afternoon class as we speak**

_ Remus (fri, 9:13 am): is the store even gonna HAVE 42 whole entire apples? _

**Sirius (fri, 9:13 am): we're about to find out**

**Sirius (fri, 9:37 am): [sent image]**

**Sirius (fri, 9:38 am): REMUS which flowers do u like????**

_ Remus (fri, 9:40 am): i thought u were getting her apples? _

**Sirius (fri, 9:40 am): ya i am, these are for u**

_ Remus (fri, 9:42 am): did you??? forget?? that we don't know each other irl and u can't just give me flowers???? _

**Sirius (fri, 9:43 am): no i kno i remember but like. spiritually. i am getting flowers and they might end up on minnie's desk but i will know and u will know that they're actually for u**

**Sirius (fri, 9:44 am): u wanna be a professor, right? im giving flowers to a current professor in honor of a future one**

**Sirius (fri, 9:44 am): mmm im being weird aren't i? forget i said anything**

_ Remus (fri, 9:44 am): i like the tulips _

**Sirius (fri, 9:45 am): yeah?**

_ Remus (fri, 9:45 am): yeah _

**Sirius (fri, 9:46 am): okay**

**Sirius (fri, 9:46 am): okay i gtg i gotta get back to school and sneak these into the classroom before minnie gets there but i will send u pics later have fun with ur studies**

  
  


_ Remus (fri, 11:14 am): sirius i know ur busy being obnoxiously sweet and finding a way to fit 42 apples and also tulips on ur professor’s desk but i need u to know that when i finally snap and it’s going to be because this BITCH peter from work keeps asking to switch shifts at the last minute _

_ Remus (fri, 11:15 am): i hate working saturdays!! idek why bc it’s not like i have a regular 9-5 school schedule or whatever on weekdays but for some reason working on the weekends is just particularly awful in my brain and this dipshit keeps asking me to cover for him _

**Sirius (fri, 11:17 am): oof he sounds like an asshole i say u have full rights to punch him in the face next time u see him**

_ Remus (fri, 11:18 am): we’ve actually never met bc only one of us is ever working at a time, dumbledore just passed our numbers along so we could work out schedule stuff. _

**Sirius (fri, 11:19 am): and by dumbledore, u mean aberforth, the record shop owner, not albus the headmaster**

**Sirius (fri, 11:19 am): that fucks me up**

_ Remus (fri, 11:20 am): ya listen i always forget that we like,,,, live in the same area until i remember that my boss and ur headmaster are brothers it’s crazy _

**Sirius (fri, 11:20 am): ya existing in a physical space, time and community in which human lives are interconnected???? that shit’s WACK**

**Sirius (fri, 11:21 am): oh btw**

**Sirius (fri, 11:22 am): [sent image]**

**Sirius (fri, 11:22 am): the 3 foot pyramid of apples is minnie’s, but those tulips are all yours**

_ Remus (fri, 11:23 am): alkfajf u really bought 42 apples????? the store really HAD 42 apples?  _

**Sirius (fri, 11:23 am): to be precise, the store had 43 apples**

_ Remus (fri, 11:24 am): ,,,,,,, did u??????? _

_ Remus (fri, 11:24 am): sirius i need to know did u leave a singular apple just sitting there alone in this poor market _

_ Remus (fri, 11:25 am): did u actually purchase fourty-two whole entire apples only leave 1 (one) sitting there alone on the rack, an innocent man abandoned by his family and surrounded by the void of empty space???? _

**Sirius (fri, 11:25 am): yes sir i did thank u for asking**

_ Remus (fri, 11:26 am): aldfafdj _

_ Remus (fri, 11:27 am): how do u expect me not to fall in love with you? _

**Sirius (fri, 11:28 am): honestly idk, it’s gonna be a real struggle for u, sorry bro**

_ Remus (fri, 11:28 am): god, the ego on u _

_ Remus (fri, 11:29 am): one day the gods will strike u down for ur hubris _

**Sirius (fri, 11:29 am): ya but until then it’s super cute, right?**

_ Remus (fri, 11:30 am): no comment _

_ Remus (fri, 11:30 am): what did professor mcgonnagall say when she saw? _

**Sirius (fri, 11:31 am): remus it was amazing she walked in and did not blink a SINGLE eye there was ZERO hesitation she just walked right in, took the one off the top, bit into it, looked me dead in the eyes (the classroom was full) and said “mr. black, you have far too much time on your hands” and then just started lecturing!!!! GOD i love my mom**

_ Remus (fri, 11:34 am): lily needed to know why i had lost my entire mind laughing when i’m supposed to be doing my reading so i told her about the shit u just pulled and she wants ur number _

**Sirius (fri, 11:36 am): fuck ya go ahead and give it to her i feel like i need some lily in my life**

_ Lily (fri, 11:38 am): i have come all this way _

_ Lily (fri, 11:39 am): just to deliver this one important message _

_ Lily (fri, 11:39 am): you _

_ Lily (fri, 11:40 am): are a fucking dipshit _

_ Lily (fri, 11:40 am): seriously how the fuck is this how you choose to spend ur time what are u why are u what if i wanted to make an apple pie or smth tonight i am personally affronted _

**Sirius (fri, 11:41 am): hi lily!!!! nice to meet u!! i love you already!!!!!**

**Sirius (fri, 11:41 am): DID u want to make an apple pie tonight?**

_ Lily (fri, 11:42 am): no but i COULD have!!!!!!! u don’t know my life!! _

_ Lily (fri, 11:43 am): i would’ve had to use apricots or some shit instead!!! _

_ Lily (fri, 11:44 am): also uuhhhh hey _

_ Lily (fri, 11:45 am): thanks for making remus smile _

_ Lily (fri, 11:45 am): not that he like, doesn’t smile ever i don’t mean to make him sound like a sad sack or anything _

_ Lily (fri, 11:46 am): just _

_ Lily (fri, 11:46 am): ya know _

_ Lily (fri, 11:47 am): i care a lot about him and sometimes shit’s rough and _

_ Lily (fri, 11:47 am): i really appreciate anyone who can make him smile, especially as much as u do _

_ Lily (fri, 11:47 am): don’t tell him i said that tho i’m trying v hard not to embarrass him and i feel like i’ve failed at that quite miserably which was the last thing i wanted _

**Sirius (fri, 11:49 am): no hey i get u thanks for being there for him bc like,,,,,,, i know it’s Weird but i care about him too and he talks about u all the time**

_ Lily (fri, 11:50 am): bitch he does not SHUT UP about u!! u better not be some kinda lame asshole bc at this point even i am convinced u hung the goddamn stars _

**Sirius (fri, 11:51 am): alfadf i try my best not to be**

**Sirius (fri, 11:52 am): listen**

**Sirius (fri, 11:52 am): this is good tho**

**Sirius (fri, 11:52 am): we are now a united front**

**Sirius (fri, 11:53 am): we can be the mI6 of all matters Taking Care Of Remus**

**Sirius (fri, 11:53 am): if this lovable dipshit doesn’t eat or sleep or generally practice appropriate self care, we can get on his ass TOGETHER from now on**

_ Lily (fri, 11:54 am): omygod your MIND you’re a genius _

_ Lily (fri, 11:55 am): from this day forward we are Team Moony, an Elite and Exclusive Team dedicated to the soul purpose of Loving Remus John Lupin The Way He Deserves To Be Loved _

**Sirius (fri, 11:56 am): fantastic love that for us i’ve always wanted to be a secret agent**

**Sirius (fri, 11:57 am): hey remus! it’s james again. it does not matter how many apples sirius leaves on prof mcgonagall's desk, if he keeps texting in class she is going to sneak into the boys’ dorms disguised as a cat and murder him in his sleep so phone has been confiscated i love and support u**

**Sirius (fri, 11:58 am): wait ur not remus**

**Sirius (fri, 11:59 am): who tf is lily**

_ Lily (fri, 12:01 pm): i’m remus’ friend u dipshit who tf is james _

**Sirius (fri, 12:01 pm): i’m sirius’ friend**

**Sirius (fri, 12:02 pm): wait**

**Sirius (fri, 12:02 pm): waIT**

**Sirius (fri, 12:02 pm): lily evans??????**

_ Lily (fri, 12:03 pm): wait FUCK are u james potter????????? _

_ Lily (fri, 12:04 pm): just my goddamn luck why can’t remus be friends with people who have good taste and keep good company instead of a duo of dipshits why is this my life _

**Sirius (fri, 12:05 pm): first of all excuse u i am a deLIGHT**

**Sirius (fri, 12:05 pm): second of alfalfeje**

_ Lily (fri, 12:07 pm): james? _

_ Lily (fri, 12:08 pm): u good? _

_ Lily (fri, 12:13 pm): f, i guess _

_ Remus (fri, 11:47 am): sirius stop texting lily bc if ur texting her and she’s texting u nobody is distracting me from my reading and i have no excuse not to do it the whole thing is extremely homophobic _

_ Remus (fri, 12:05 pm): wait FUCK why does your james know my lily i hate this what how _

**Sirius (fri, 3:08 pm): alkfa you jealous?**

**Sirius (fri, 3:08 pm): also ya okay so fun fact JAMES got my phone taken up for texting in class after confiscating it from me to keep me from getting my phone taken up for texting in class so there’s your irony for the day, mr. english professor**

**Sirius (fri, 3:09 pm): i am now in possession of both my phone and a janitor’s cart full of apples which minnie has requested i deliver to the kitchens in hopes that we might all have apple pie tonight**

**Sirius (fri, 3:09 pm): and ya james told me about that so APPARENTLY the imaginary gf is not so imaginary according to james every summer he goes home and there’s this girl he sees in the woods near his house who’s always deer watching at the same time he is (he’s a whole entire nerd, don’t get me started)**

**Sirius (fri, 3:10 pm): i never saw her bc i have like, a life and real interests and never went deer watching with james and also like,,,,,, tell me that doesn’t sound like some manic pixie dream girl fantasy james would make up to keep himself from getting bored i didn’t think she was a REAL GIRL this is exactly the existing in a community in which human lives are interconnected bullshit i was talking about it’s stressful what’s next like are marlene and dorcas dating????? is ur dad secretly my calculus professor????**

_ Remus (fri, 3:11 pm): i mean my dad is a judge but u know what i don’t even know anymore nothing is real, your best friend james is the weird guy in the woods who keeps hitting on lily _

**Sirius (fri, 3:12 pm): afdlkajf omygod i have to apologize to lily has james just been some weird forest entity bothering lily when she’s just trying to watch some fucking deer????**

_ Remus (fri, 3:14 pm): i mean i think she mostly finds him funny i mean how often do u run into weird boys ur age in the woods who tell u ur the most beautiful girl they’ve ever seen and ask u for a date?? _

**Sirius (fri, 3:15 pm): holy fuck did he actually say that that’s so creepy i am SO sorry **

**Sirius (fri, 3:15 pm): do i have to teach him how to talk to girls????? i’m gay i can’t do this**

_ Remus (fri, 3:16 pm): trust me, if she was creeped out, we would all know and james would not have an unbroken nose bone (nose bone?? what’s the word for that???) _

_ Remus (fri, 3:16 pm): anyway my point is, i exclusively refer to him as lily’s ‘handsome forest prince’ and lily always blushes and gets EXTREMELY defensive about it _

_ Remus (fri, 3:17 pm): so you canNOT tell james this but if he just like, chilled out a little and maybe saw her sometime,,, NOT in the woods he might have a shot _

_ Remus (fri, 3:17 pm): but that’s just my humble guess and if u tell james i said that lily will murder me for spreading “lies and slander” _

_ Remus (fri, 3:17 pm): this is top secret information _

**Sirius (fri, 3:18 pm): wild can u imagine if they actually ended up together?? and they had to tell their kids they met in the fucking forest like some fairytale???**

**Sirius (fri, 3:18 pm): thank u for this top secret information, i will try my best to get james to chill, please pass along my humble apologies to the noble lily in james’ stead for his lack of like,,, basic human communication skills**

**Sirius (fri, 3:20 pm): man if james and lily ended up together we would probably see each other a good bit,,,**

**Sirius (fri, 3:21 pm): sorry this is so much**

**Sirius (fri, 3:21 pm): isn’t it weird how we’ve always been like, a connection away from each other?**

**Sirius (fri, 3:21 pm): like, even if snape never gave me the wrong number we probably would’ve met eventually**

**Sirius (fri, 3:22 pm): that’s some destiny bullshit right there**

**Sirius (fri, 3:23 pm): sorry i have realized i am yet again being weird, it would appear that neither james nor i possess basic human communication skills **

_ Remus (fri, 3:23 pm): no ur right it’s really weird to think about _

_ Remus (fri, 3:24 pm): i like the thought that we meet in every timeline, if that makes sense _

**Sirius (fri, 3:25 pm): no yeah i know exactly what u mean**

**Sirius (fri, 3:26 pm): fuck is this normal?????? i feel like i’ve known u for YEARS but actually it’s been a week and i just learned your last name today**

_ Remus (fri, 3:26 pm): it’s the gay hyperconnection babey _

_ Remus (fri, 3:27 pm): i’m guessing lily dropped my last name? _

**Sirius (fri, 3:29 pm): that she did, mr. wolf john wolf**

**Sirius (fri, 3:30 pm): tell me again how the characters in ur bedtime story are just characters and a wolf is just a wolf and u’ve never used an allusion before in ur life??**

_ Remus (fri, 3:31 pm): listen _

_ Remus (fri, 3:31 pm): if ur gonna psychoanalyze my bedtime stories i’ll just stop telling them _

**Sirius (fri, 3:32 pm): noo u tell the best bedtime stories**

**Sirius (fri, 3:33 pm): i’ll never have a thought ever again no more literary analysis for me from now on i take everything at face value**

**Sirius (fri, 3:34 pm): and when minnie asks why i turned in an essay about why moby dick is just about a whale and there is absolutely no subtext i will point her your direction**

_ Remus (fri, 3:35 pm): wait no i don’t think i can stomach the idea of disappointing your english professor _

**Sirius (fri, 3:36 pm): u’ve never met her??**

_ Remus (fri, 3:38 pm): ya but still,,,,, the emotional toll _

**Sirius (fri, 3:39 pm): afklds alright u fucking nerd i have to get ready for the queer action group meeting, talk to you later**

_ Remus (fri, 3:41 pm): oh cool have fun tell me more about that later _

**Sirius (fri, 10:21 pm): okay i have finally emerged from my cave of meetings and dinner and homework!! how did ur day go?**

_ Remus (fri, 10:26 pm): really well, honestly!! ngl, still not looking forward to having to work tomorrow but i got all my reading done and got an A on my physics test plus lily and i grabbed pizza for dinner after we were done with all of our stuff _

_ Remus (fri, 10:27 pm): how about you? how’d your day go?? i wasn’t sure how to ask but are you doing better than yesterday? _

**Sirius (fri, 10:28 pm): ya i mean Don’t Know If You Noticed but i might have maybe,, Possibly,, made a dedicated effort to distract myself from the Bad today but sometimes the good thing about that is you successfully distract yourself for a period of time and then next time you stop to breathe you realize you’re mostly fine again and that is maybe not the most healthy coping mechanism in the whole world but it sure does help, especially bc then i can actually like, consider the situation with a clearer head. **

**Sirius (fri, 10:29 pm): i think the stuff with regulus fucked me up more than i realized at first**

_ Remus (fri, 10:31 pm): hey, that’s super understandable, do u wanna talk about it? _

**Sirius (fri, 10:33 pm): i mean he’s probably fine and all it just scared me. we, uh,,,, let’s just say shit was kinda rough at home on occasion and i used to be like, really protective of him. i still am, kinda, from a weird distance**

**Sirius (fri, 10:34 pm): but you know he’s a whole person now with opinions which align more with my parents than my own so we have not spoken since i moved out**

**Sirius (fri, 10:34 pm): ngl, i kinda feel bad for leaving him there even though it was his choice to stay and all and normally i don’t worry about it bc it always seems like he’s doing fine but talking to him again and realizing he might Not be doing fine fucked me up a fair bit, and i think it kinda snuck up on me and yesterday turned into a bad spiral**

**Sirius (fri, 10:35 pm): but i’m better at handling these things than i was when i was younger! so i know how to handle it now so that like, it still sucks but not as bad as it used to and i come out the otherside safe and that is the cool thing about human beings that in the absence of cure alls we find ways to cope**

**Sirius (fri, 10:36 pm): so that’s my soapbox for the night, thanks for checking in on me remus, i really appreciate it and i appreciate you helping me last night**

_ Remus (fri, 10:37 pm): hey that’s what friends do, right? _

_ Remus (fri, 10:38 pm): u know i’ve never thought of mental health that way, curing versus coping _

_ Remus (fri, 10:38 pm): ,,,, i don’t think i give myself enough credit for how well i’m coping. _

_ Remus (fri, 10:39 pm): i mean, i hope that eventually i’ll be better, i’d really like to be.  _

_ Remus (fri, 10:39 pm): but it’s nice to think about how even if i’m always living with this, i can still get better at, ya know, living with it and that’s a thing to be proud of too _

**Sirius (fri, 10:41 pm): yeah!!!! u should be SO fucking proud of urself!!!**

**Sirius (fri, 10:42 pm): hey you know if you ever wanna talk about stuff like that with me you can, right?**

_ Remus (fri, 10:43 pm): thanks sirius, i appreciate it _

**Sirius (fri, 10:44 pm): np! that’s what friends do :)**

**Sirius (fri, 10:45 pm): i gotta get some sleep tho james and i are going on an entire quest tomorrow bc he still hasn’t bought marlene’s birthday present**

_ Remus (fri, 10:47 pm): night sirius!! sleep well! _

_ Remus (fri, 10:50 pm): oh hey btw _

_ Remus (fri, 10:51 pm): thank you _

_ Remus (fri, 10:51 pm): for the flowers, i mean _

_ Remus (fri, 10:51 pm): i loved them _

**Sirius (fri, 10:52 pm): anytime**

**Sirius (fri, 10:52 pm): u deserve to have a boy buy flowers for u**

**Sirius (fri, 10:53 pm): anyway good night, sleep well, talk to u tomorrow**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise i'm not just a peter hater, we'll get to actually meet him and not hate him later.
> 
> fun surprise next chapter! bonus points to anyone who can guess what happens tomorrow
> 
> alsoooooooo all of your comments are giving me life and i would die for every single one of you thank you so much


	8. Saturday: An Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and y'all thought i wouldn't do it. . .

_ Remus (sat, 10:34 am): see the worst part about working saturdays is there are actual CUSTOMERS i barely have any time to slack off texting the mysterious boy that lives in my phone _

**Sirius (sat, 10, 52 am): for what it’s worth, the mysterious boy who lives in your phone barely has any time to text you back, his dumb friend james has dragged him to four whole entirely different stores so far in search of the perfect gift for marlene**

The store was, as he had said, actually somewhat busy so he didn’t immediately notice when they walked in. Remus was helping an older lady repair her record player to the best of his notably limited abilities when the bell rang to signal their entrance, so he simply shouted the mandatory-by-protocol greeting over his shoulder.

When he finally noticed them, after heaving a sigh at the record player finally starting to sing _ Fly Me To The Moon _ and after having a peppermint gently pushed into his hand by its owner once she’d paid, they were standing by the _ Queen _ albums in a spirited debate about the merits of _ Don’t Stop Me Now _ versus _ The Show Must Go On _. One of them had thick glasses, dark skin, and hair that stood up completely vertical and occasionally at perpendicular angles to itself. The other, was, to put it mildly, the most beautiful man Remus had ever seen. 

“Are you two finding everything alright?” Remus asked in his best, most I-am-professional-and-not-gay-panicking voice.

Horrifyingly, the pretty one smiled and looked at him, which only made him more dreadfully pretty. Then, because the world was created for the purposes of fucking over Remus specifically, he looked Remus up and down, much slower than he really needed to, and smiled even wider, the right side pulling higher than the left. 

“This one’s having trouble finding the remnants of his sanity” the pretty one jerked his head at the one with the glasses, “but other than that we’re having a grand ole time, thank you for asking.”

The one with the glasses had barely noticed Remus, and was tapping his thumb rather rapidly against his shoulder. He turned to the pretty one, “Do you think she’d prefer a Beatles album?”

The pretty one looked at him like he’d sprouted a second head, “Yeah, James, I think you’re right. She only wears that Queen shirt she stole from me, oh, every day that ends in ‘Y’. Obviously, she prefers the Beatles, a whole entire separate band who she’s never mentioned.”

“Listen it’s a matter of what kind of friend I am,” the one with the glasses put on a lecturing voice while the pretty one smiled at Remus apologetically, “Am I the sort of friend that gets her an album I know she likes or the sort of friend who introduces her to a new band altogether? Or is that just my ego speaking over the actual desires of my friend? Who am I to presume I know her music taste? What if I get her a Beatles album and she assumes it’s because I’ve somehow failed to pick up on the fact that Queen is her favorite band? And who am I, actually, to even suggest that I could introduce her or anyone else to the fucking Beatles? What kind of bullshit is that? Everyone already likes the Beatles. But on the other hand, everyone already likes the Beatles. A record like that is good for parties and could add some familiar and quality variety to her collection," Here he paused, seemingly deep in thought, and the pretty one looked at Remus in the same way a character on the office might look into the camera. The boy with the glasses finally continued, "I think I’m going to go look at the Beatles albums,” more to himself and the empty air than anyone else, before wandering off to the other side of the store, leaving Remus alone with the pretty boy.

Remus could have written out a list of ninety-nine complaints and nailed it to the universe’s door, with at least twelve grievances dedicated to targeting and the inciting of gay panic.

“I’m sorry about him,” said the pretty one, grinning as if he was not sorry at all, “he forgot to drink his ‘chill the fuck out’ juice this morning.”

Remus stifled a laugh and shoved his hands in his pockets, “No need to apologize. I take it his friend is a _ Queen _ fan?”

“A _ fanatic _. I keep telling her I’m the only queen she needs in her life, and yet-” as he said this, the pretty boy leaned over so that his hand was by the Elvis, only inches away from Remus’ hip. Remus was hit with the vague notion that the boy made this joke specifically to drop the fact that he was queer. 

“Yes, well, it’s a little hard to compete with Freddie Mercury.” 

The pretty boy’s eyes light up, his dark eyebrows jumping up behind his shaggy bangs, “I assure you, what I lack in musical talent, I compensate for in charm.”

“And looks, I assume?” Remus’ cheeks turned red even as he said it, but he got the words out. Sirius would be proud of him. More importantly, he was proud of himself. 

The boy, for his part, was thrilled with this turn of events, “Are you implying that I’m better looking than Freddie fucking Mercury?”

“Oh come on, you could barely fit your head through the door coming in, don’t pretend you don’t know how you look.”

The boy somehow stepped even closer, so close that anybody could see what was happening, so close that Remus could only look at one piece of his face at a time, overwhelming his vision, “I do,” he said, “but it’s better to hear it from a cute boy.”

Remus grinned and tried to pretend his stomach hadn’t just swooped like a paper airplane, “Like me?”

“Oh good, you caught the hint, I was worried.”

“You’re not exactly subtle.”

“See, that’s the charm I was talking about.”

Remus couldn’t help but laugh, which only made the boy bite his lip, immediately making everything approximately a million times worse. Also, now that the sound of his own laughter had broken him out of the sheltering rhythm of their flirting, Remus realized he had somehow backed himself quite literally into a corner, his shoulders pressed into a wall which the other boy was resting his forearm on, so close that when his shoulders rose with an inhale, they brushed up against the boy’s elbows. For all extents and purposes, the shop was completely unattended.

“I- um,” Remus smiled apologetically, “I should get back to work.”

The boy nodded and removed his arm, making way for Remus to move to the side, “Of course. But hey, if you wouldn’t mind, could I uh- could I get your number?”

Remus was pretty sure his face was never going to return to it’s resting, non-blush ridden color. “Yeah, you could.”

The boy’s whole face, whole body lit up, and Remus was struck by the notion of him as a star. As if the universe was designed specifically for the purposes of devastating Remus, the boy_ bounced _ on his _ toes _, “Brilliant, just let me go grab my phone from my brother over there, don’t move a muscle.”

As the boy flew off, Remus debated to himself whether he even could if he tried. 

The pretty boy’s brother, the one with the glasses, was on the other side of the shop, but Remus could see him just fine. He was on the phone with someone, with two little creases forming between his thick brows. 

“Yeah, yes ma'am, we’ll be right in, thank you. No, thank you for telling us Madam Pomfrey, we appreciate it,” As the glasses one said this, he reached out to hold the pretty one’s forearm, and his face fell as he heard the words ‘Madam Pomfrey’.

As soon as his brother hung up the phone, he asked if everything was alright, his own mirror creases forming on his forehead.

“It’s your brother, he’s in the clinic, he’s pretty beat up and he won’t say who did it. He didn’t want them to call your parents so Madam Pomfrey thought she’d call you.”

The pretty one swore and ran his hands through his hair, “Okay, okay, I’ll head back right now. You’ll be okay without me?”

“Mate, don’t be fucking stupid, I’m going with you, I’ve put this gift shit off for weeks, it can wait another day.” 

“Okay, okay,” he ran his hands through his hair one last time and quickly moved down to the end of the aisle, where he could see Remus a bit better. Remus did his best to pretend he hadn’t just heard absolutely everything. He caught Remus’ eye and tried for a smile, “Hey, sorry, there was an incident and I’ve gotta dash, but I’ll be back some other time, I swear. This won’t be the last you see of me. I’ll be back. God, now I sound like a bloody Disney villain okay I really have to go but I’ll see you around, record boy.”

With that, he flew out the door, brother in tow, leaving Remus with an empty record shop and a hope that this stranger was one who kept promises. 

_ Remus (sat, 12:23 pm): sirius u were right i have reason to believe i was just hit on by a boy and that was in fact a game changer _

_ Remus (sat, 12:24 pm): although i don’t think it’s always like that _

_ Remus (sat, 12:24 pm): it can’t always be like that bc then all of the gay boys would have died of heart attacks long ago _

_ Remus (sat, 12:24 pm): anyway if u need me i’ll be in the astral plane, where i’ve had to ascend to properly deal with my gay panic _

  
  


**Sirius (sat, 3:36 pm): sorry i was dealing with an incident but hey that's really exciting!!!! im happy for u! what was he like? did u get his number? i need all the details**

_ Remus (sat, 3:42 pm): sirius he was SO pretty and so fucking smooth it was not fair at all like i think a god accidentally walked into my humble record shop and i am about to be the victim of a greek sex drama tragedy and i will regret it zero percent but anyway what incident is everything okay?? _

**Sirius (sat, 3:47 pm): ya i mean everyone's safe there was just a thing with regulus don't super wanna talk about it but he's gonna be okay and everyone's safe**

**Sirius (sat, 3:48 pm): that guy sounds neat, did u get his number?**

_ Remus (sat, 3:50 pm): hey i won't talk about it if you don't wanna but im glad he's okay _

_ Remus (sat, 3:51 pm): and no, he had to leave before he could give it to me :/ _

**Sirius (sat, 3:53 pm): oof that sucks sorry my guy :/**

_ Remus (sat, 3:54 pm): ya but it's chill it was just nice to like. remember that other gay guys exist and they could potentially like me. _

**Sirius (sat, 3:56 pm): they sure do!! glad someone could make ur busy saturday shift better :)**

_ Remus (sat, 3:57 pm): thanks! me too! _

_ Remus (sat, 3:57 pm): hey u coward u never told me about the queer action group u apparently run??? bc u just decided to not mention that incredibly punk rock thing????? _

**Sirius (sat, 4:01 pm): oh alfaj it’s not a big deal it’s just some queer kids from hogwarts, we get together and organize volunteer and advocacy opportunities and shit we’re all pretty busy with schoolwork and such so we don’t get to do too much but last semester we did a drag queen storytime for kids at the elementary school that feeds into hogwarts**

**Sirius (sat, 4:03 pm): we also started doing first sundays of the month volunteering at the local soup kitchen which isn’t particularly queer except that we are queer and we do it together and we’re caring for our struggling siblings in solidarity so therefore it’s queer action**

**Sirius (sat, 4:04 pm): it’s pretty small, some days it’s like, me, marlene, and two and a half freshmen but it’s fun**

_ Remus (sat, 4:07 pm): hi uuuuuhh do u know how amazing u are??????? _

_ Remus (sat, 4:08 pm): that’s the coolest shit i ever heard but also fuck u bc i couldn’t even handle u saying shit like ‘sustainable welfare practices’ and u knew that full well and still saw fit to start talking about advocacy and ur whole entire thing i am gay and being targeted _

_ Remus (sat, 4:08 pm): but i actually have to do inventory and close up shop now, ttyl _

**Sirius (sat, 4:10 pm): stfjgss sorry for my hate crimes ill try my best to get my prejudice under control also have fun!**

  


_ Remus (sat, 9:42 pm): so other than the incident, how'd ur day go? _

**Sirius (sat, 9:56 pm): actually pretty good, i also met a cute boy today when i was out with James**

_ Remus (sat, 9:58 pm): hey that's awesome did u get his number? _

**Sirius (sat, 9:59 pm): no i had to leave for incident related reasons before i could :/**

_ Remus (sat, 10:00 pm): :/ _

_ Remus (sat, 10:00 pm): sorry bro _

**Sirius (sat, 10:01 pm): it's okay bro i was just blessed to encounter him for however brief of a time**

**Sirius (sat, 10:02 pm): remus he was so cute i swear if i'd had a ring on me u would be speaking to an engaged man right now**

**Sirius (sat, 10:02 pm): or an incarcerated man, bc now that I think about it that more likely would have ended in him calling the cops but my point stands**

**Sirius (sat, 10:03 pm): honestly it would've been worth it**

_ Remus (sat, 10:04 pm): akfjd u disaster gay _

_ Remus (sat, 10:04 pm): we're really both out here huh,,, meeting cute boys,,, being overcome by gay yearning _

**Sirius (sat, 10:05 pm): we're really both out here**

**Sirius (sat, 10:05 pm): so what do you have going on this weekend?**

_ Remus (sat, 10:06 pm): actually i’m hanging out with that girl i met at the record shop tomorrow _

**Sirius (sat, 10:07 pm): oh neat! what was her name? dorcas?**

_ Remus (sat, 10:08 pm): ya dorcas, we’re gonna grab lunch! wish me luck i am v bad at talking to human beings that aren’t like, my dad or lily _

**Sirius (sat, 10:10 pm): excuse u ur talking to a human being right now**

_ Remus (sat, 10:11 pm): debatable _

**Sirius (sat, 10:12 pm): excuse me?????**

**Sirius (sat, 10:12 pm): i’m telling james on u for bullying**

_ Remus (sat, 10:13 pm): i feel like he’ll back me up honestly _

_ Remus (sat, 10:13 pm): it’s the star name, ur extraterrestrial _

_ Remus (sat, 10:14 pm): also just, in general, in every aspect, extra _

**Sirius (sat, 10:15 pm): who’s committing hate crimes now????**

_ Remus (sat, 10:17 pm): it’s me, this has all been a big scam, u thought my name was ‘wolf john wolf’ but actually it’s ‘homophobe john homophobe’ and i am here to lightly tease u and bully u into self care _

**Sirius (sat, 10:18 pm): i am an EXPERT at self care excuse u**

_ Remus (sat, 10:20 pm): i have intel from an anonymous source that u skipped dinner and are refusing to go to the kitchens _

**Sirius (sat, 10:21 pm): fucking james**

_ Remus (sat, 10:22 pm): my source is strictly confidential, i can neither confirm nor deny _

_ Remus (sat, 10:23 pm): however i can strongly advise that u accompany my source to the kitchens for some proper nutrition _

_ Remus (sat, 10:23 pm): tomorrow’s the first sunday of the month, so you’ve got the soup kitchen tomorrow, right? u’ve got shit to do and ppl to help and ur no good to them on an empty stomach _

**Sirius (sat, 10:25 pm): ….**

**Sirius (sat, 10:25 pm): how are u so good at this?**

_ Remus (sat, 10:26 pm): at what? _

**Sirius (sat, 10:26 pm): idk existing**

**Sirius (sat, 10:26 pm): being smart**

**Sirius (sat, 10:27 pm): talking ppl into taking care of themselves**

**Sirius (sat, 10:28 pm): making me wanna take care of myself**

**Sirius (sat, 10:28 pm): u say ur not good at talking to ppl but idk i think ur pretty neat**

**Sirius (sat, 10:29 pm): anyway i should really stop texting u at like 10 bc i get too deep too fast but i’m going to the kitchens with james mission accomplished**

_ Remus (sat, 10:31 pm): good get something nutritious _

**Sirius (sat, 10:33 pm): don’t push it, if i’m getting out of bed and going all the way to the kitchens in my pajamas i am fully entitled to calling leftover apple pie a meal**

_ Remus (sat, 10:34 pm): alfajf valid i suppose, at least there’s fruit _

**Sirius (sat, 10:34 pm): there’s always fruit as long as i’m around ;)**

_ Remus (sat, 10:35 pm): go eat ur dinner before i tattle on u to james for sending me winky faces again _

**Sirius (sat, 10:35 pm): fiiiine**

  


**Sirius (sat, 11:16 pm): hey remus?**

**Sirius (sat, 11:16 pm): thanks**

_ Remus (sat, 11:17 pm): anytime, sirius _

_ Remus (sat, 11:20 pm): hey _

_ Remus (sat, 11:21 pm): personal question that u 100% don’t have to answer _

_ Remus (sat, 11:21 pm): u don’t skip dinner a lot, do u? _

**Sirius (sat, 11:23 pm): no, i don’t**

**Sirius (sat, 11:24 pm): i just didn’t feel like it tonight bc of incident related reasons**

**Sirius (sat, 11:24 pm): i don’t think regulus is okay but he won’t talk to me, he won’t talk to anyone, i can’t protect him if i don’t know what’s going on**

**Sirius (sat, 11:25 pm): sorry to dump that on u i’m just worried about it**

**Sirius (sat, 11:25 pm): but yeah, normally i’m the one dragging james to dinner if he’s hyperfixated or if his meds are making him not hungry**

_ Remus (sat, 11:27 pm): okay thanks for telling me _

_ Remus (sat, 11:28 pm): i hope things get better with regulus, but at least u know ur doing the best u can _

_ Remus (sat, 11:28 pm): ur a really good brother, sirius _

**Sirius (sat, 11:29 pm): eh i mean i left him**

_ Remus (sat, 11:30 pm): i don’t know too much about the situation but from what i can tell, u had to to take care of urself, and i bet if u asked james or ur adoptive parents they’d tell u the same thing _

**Sirius (sat, 11:32 pm): you’re right, i’ve just gotta get better at remembering that**

**Sirius (sat, 11:33 pm): thanks again remus**

_ Remus (sat, 11:33 pm): thank u _

_ Remus (sat, 11:34 pm): for talking to me, i mean _

_ Remus (sat, 11:34 pm): what was it u said? “i love slowly declassifying information about [sirius]”? _

_ Remus (sat, 11:35 pm): that sounds creepy and not like what i mean but what i’m trying to say is, i like talking to u and getting to know u, even if it’s the rough stuff. _

**Sirius (sat, 11:36 pm): hey, same here. i meant it, i like talking to u, i think ur pretty neat**

_ Remus (sat, 11:36 pm): thanks :) now go tf to bed we both got shit tomorrow it is Late _

**Sirius (sat, 11:37 pm): fair enough, night Remus, sweet dreams**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes sir they really are That Dumb!!!!! don't worry, they'll figure it out eventually
> 
> from here there will be some non text scenes from time to time, but don't worry, at its essence it should be a text fic from start to finish. 
> 
> pour one out for all my friends who know me reading this fic who have to awkwardly watch me use this dumb text au as therapy and so blatantly expose myself
> 
> don't worry!!!!! regulus is gonna be fine in the end, i promise. alsoooooooooooo thank u so so much to everyone who's commenting y'all are making my day everytime and i love u all a lot, thank you


	9. Sunday: Level Seven Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We hang out with some lesbians and talk about coming out.

**Sirius (sun, 7:16 am): good morning remus, light of my life, apple of my eye, fruit to my snack**

**Sirius (sun, 7:16 am): how are we on this fine ass morning**

_ Remus (sun, 9:34 am): we’re .. . . horrified on several levels _

_ Remus (sun, 9:35 am): i can’t believe u had to be up at 7 wtf _

**Sirius (sun, 9:36 am): just a day in the life it’s alright bc marlene brought me coffee it’s the lesbian power in her always knowing what ppl need i bet she summoned the coffee from a magic void**

**Sirius (sun, 9:36 am): speaking of lesbians, what time are u hanging out with dorcas?**

_ Remus (sun, 9:37 am): noon, i have been told to bring a copy of my essay on importance of being ernest for her to read and analyze for enjoyment at a later date _

**Sirius (sun, 9:38 am): ,,,,, i didn’t realize it was possible to even be that nerdy**

_ Remus (sun, 9:38 am): your brother once voluntarily wrote a paper more than 10 pages longer than necessary. _

**Sirius (sun, 9:38 am): alright fair enough but counterargument ,,,,, no i have nothing why are all of my friends fucking nerds**

**Sirius (sun, 9:39 am): marlene, my one cool friend, is getting on to me so i’ll text u later**

_ Remus (sun, 9:41 am): have fun! _

  


**Sirius (sun, 11:46 am): hey**

**Sirius (sun, 11:46 am): nerd**

**Sirius (sun, 11:46 am): this is ur pre-hangout reminder that ppl like u and enjoy talking to u**

**Sirius (sun, 11:47 am): i am one of them and dorcas probably is too, and even if she isn’t then that’s okay bc lots of other ppl are**

_ Remus (sun, 11:57 am): fuck that’s not fair u can’t give me emotions right before i have to go be cool and collected _

_ Remus (sun, 11:57 am): thanks sirius _

**Sirius (sun, 11:58 am): anytime, remus. have fun!**

  


_ Remus (sun, 3:24 pm): anyway i take it all back i can’t be friends with dorcas _

_ Remus (sun, 3:25 pm): she’s a bronte sisters lesbian and i’m a strict elizabeth barrett browning stan _

_ Remus (sun, 3:25 pm): in fact, not only can we not be friends, i’ve actually formally declared war on her _

_ Remus (sun, 3:25 pm): this war will consist of several lengthy afternoon debates over coffee and perhaps a movie night at mine so we may evaluate and debate the merits and downfalls of each pride and prejudice film adaption _

_ Remus (sun, 3:26 pm): and upon any disagreements we will simply have to duel to the death _

**Sirius (sun, 5:47 pm): sounds suspiciously like a friendship to me**

_ Remus (sun, 5:52 pm): u are sorely mistaken this is strictly an ideological nemeses relationship _

**Sirius (sun, 5:54 pm): sorry i don't speak nerd :/**

_ Remus (sun, 5:55 pm): i seem to remember someone saying education is punk rock???? _

**Sirius (sun, 5:55 pm): akdjs i never should have let u in on the trade secrets of punk rock**

**Sirius (sun, 5:56 pm): i should have kept it shrouded in mystery, ur raw punk rock energy is too powerful **

_ Remus (sun, 5:57 pm): one day i will surpass the master _

**Sirius (sun, 5:58 pm): honestly i never could claim that title, marlene is the real punk, she got her leather jacket when we were like third years it was terrifying**

_ Remus (sun, 5:59 pm): amazing,,,,, the lesbian power there,,,,,, _

_ Remus (sun, 6:00 pm): how's she doing? how'd the soup kitchen go? _

**Sirius (sun, 6:02 pm): she's good she's been gay yearning tho**

**Sirius (sun, 6:02 pm): APPARENTLY she's already dated every gay girl in our year????? and also some of the ones in the years above and below??? so she says she's and i quote "ready to settle down"**

**Sirius (sun, 6:03 pm): like im out here, never even kissed a boy and she's just like, ,,,, already an experienced gay tired of The Scene (™) and ready to buy a suburu and get a cat or some shit with a woman she met at a farmer's market**

**Sirius (sun, 6:03 pm): this girl is 18 and talking to her u would think she threw the first brick at stonewall ajdjd i can't with her**

**Sirius (sun, 6:04 pm): but ya we had a good time we mostly worked in the kitchen today so it was gay bonding hours she talked about wanting a steady gf and i talked about that cute boy i met the other day**

**Sirius (sun, 6:04 pm): oh i also told her about u, hope u don't mind**

_ Remus (sun, 6:06 pm): oh? what do u mean? _

**Sirius (sun, 6:07 pm): i mean we were just talking about people we'd met and also about gays we knew and she'd seen me texting u earlier so i told her how we met and how we've been talking, she says u seem cool but ur legally not allowed to meet bc i have a feeling she would like u better and that's illegal**

_ Remus (sun, 6:08 pm): oh okay i was just kinda confused _

_ Remus (sun, 6:08 pm): also it's fine marlene and i will simply have to meet in secret like romeo and juliet except we're both gay and it's not our families keeping us apart it's just one mutual friend with jealousy issues and also nobody dies _

_ Remus (sun, 6:09 pm): btw uuuhhhhh u've never kissed a boy? _

**Sirius (sun, 6:10 pm): well, i mean like, James, but that doesn't count**

_ Remus (sun, 6:11 pm): fair enough _

**Sirius (sun, 6:11 pm): why, do i give off experienced gay vibes or something?**

_ Remus (sun, 6:12 pm): i mean, you're a self-professed flirt _

_ Remus (sun, 6:12 pm): it seemed a reasonable conclusion to draw that u occasionally had follow through _

**Sirius (sun, 6:13 pm): me? follow through with anything ever? absolutely not**

**Sirius (sun, 6:13 pm): actually that's a lie i follow through with lots of things it's just that most ppl i flirt with know im joking and even ppl i have gone out with it hasn't lasted super long which is fine**

_ Remus (sun, 6:14 pm): awww u nerd are u saving ur first kiss for someone special? _

**Sirius (sun, 6:15 pm): u dick maybe so!!!! what i may or may not be a sappy gay bitch about is none of ur business! besides, pot calling the kettle, isn't it? not like u've kissed a boy either**

**Sirius (sun, 6:15 pm): wait have u??????**

_ Remus (sun, 6:16 pm): . . . _

**Sirius (sun, 6:16 pm): wait fuck who?? when?? really????**

_ Remus (sun, 6:17 pm): ahfjd of course not, but i made u jealous, didn't i? _

**Sirius (sun, 6:18 pm): what is this why are u bullying me u get ONE other gay friend and suddenly u just drag me within an inch of my life at every given opportunity**

_ Remus (sun, 6:19 pm): no this is just what level 7 friendship looks like babe _

**Sirius (sun, 6:19 pm): skfhsj you can't just casually BABE me in conversation**

_ Remus (sun, 6:21 pm): sorry hon, forgot ur so sensitive :) _

**Sirius (sun, 6:22 pm): we have to go back to level six friendship immediately**

**Sirius (sun, 6:23 pm): what should i do?? unshare all my brother drama?? clean all the tea up?**

**Sirius (sun, 6:23 pm): or is this like the sims where I just have to be super rude to you until u decide to like me less**

_ Remus (sun, 6:24 pm): actually fun fact there is no backwards movement on the Remus Friendship Scale it's only up bc i have too few friends to be able to afford losing any so ur stuck here, doll _

**Sirius (sun, 6:25 pm): damn im stuck with u??? what a burden i must carry**

_ Remus (sun, 6:26 pm): truly u are atlas _

**Sirius (sun, 6:26 pm): after consulting with james as to who atlas is, i can confirm that yes, i am**

**Sirius (sun, 6:27 pm): and that means ur the world to me :)**

_ Remus (sun, 6:28 pm): alright can't lie, that one was smooth _

**Sirius (sun, 6:29 pm): ive got a certain charm**

_ Remus (sun, 6:29 pm): where have i heard that recently? _

**Sirius (sun, 6:31 pm): probably me, i say it a lot**

_ Remus (sun, 6:33 pm): no i don't think that's it _

_ Remus (sun, 6:33 pm): oh well, ill figure it out eventually _

**Sirius (sun, 6:34 pm): i believe in u, lmk when u've figured out where u heard it not only bc i enjoy being updated on ur life but also bc I have to eliminate the competitors who are stealing my lines**

**Sirius (sun, 6:35 pm): going to dinner with james now tho, talk later**

_ Remus (sun, 6:37 pm): tell him i say hello! _

**Sirius (sun, 9:48 pm): remus i’m going to beat dumbledore in rock paper scissors and seize control of the school **

**Sirius (sun, 9:49 pm): i think i will make a v sexy king of hogwarts and we will never run out of pie at dinner in this manifesto i will-**

_ Remus (sun, 9:56 pm): sounds reasonable to me, are your rock paper scissors skills developed enough yet to challenge the sitting tyrant? _

**Sirius (sun, 9:57 pm): possibly not, i might have to go live at the top of a mountain for a while and meditate and have a montage of me just sweating and doing random things without a shirt and be mentored by an old and wise man with a mysterious past**

_ Remus (sun, 9:59 pm): what would you do if the old wise man with a mysterious past turned out to be dumbledore? _

**Sirius (sun, 10:02 pm): albus the headmaster whom i’m trying to defeat or aberforth his brother**

_ Remus (sun, 10:03 pm): doesn’t matter, either way the drama is exquisite _

**Sirius (sun, 10:04 pm): alkdfjafdl excuse u this is v serious i have no time for drama**

_ Remus (sun, 10:06 pm): ur sirius black, u always have time for drama _

**Sirius (sun, 10:08 pm): who gave u rights to call me out like this**

_ Remus (sun, 10:09 pm): u did, when u established our friendship by formally knighting me with the title ‘walking tit’ _

_ Remus (sun, 10:10 pm): he creates an entire conquering fantasy narrative bc they run out of pie in the kitchen and then has the balls to tell me he has no time for drama,,,,,, the audacity _

**Sirius (sun, 10:12 pm): but remus it was cherrie pie!!!!! i’m VALID**

**Sirius (sun, 10:12 pm): or maybe i just created an entire conquering fantasy narrative as an excuse to text you**

_ Remus (sun, 10:13 pm): aldfja u don’t need an excuse to text me sirius _

**Sirius (sun, 10:15 pm): i guess i don’t, do i?**

_ Remus (sun, 10:17 pm): no u don’t sirius, the excuse is friendship _

**Sirius (sun, 10:18 pm): exquisite this is the best news i’ve heard all day**

**Sirius (sun, 10:19 pm): how’d ur day go, remus?**

_ Remus (sun, 10:23 pm): really well, actually! i had a good time hanging out with dorcas and afterwards i got to chill and read my book for a few hours and i made potatoes for my dad and i for dinner it was a nice night _

_ Remus (sun, 10:25 pm): i don’t normally see my dad too much, he’s pretty busy with work stuff, it was nice to actually eat with him and have a full conversation _

_ Remus (sun, 10:26 pm): i don’t mean that to be depressing or even like, complaining that my dad works too much, it’s just a thing. we’re both busy so it’s nice to get to see him _

**Sirius (sun, 10:27 pm): hey i’m really glad to hear that**

**Sirius (sun, 10:28 pm): tell me to piss off if this is too invasive but does he know? that ur gay, i mean**

_ Remus (sun, 10:29 pm): sirius i’m out to exactly 3 people and they’re u, lily, and dorcas _

_ Remus (sun, 10:29 pm): idk, it probably wouldn’t be a problem if he did tho, at least i don’t think so _

_ Remus (sun, 10:30 pm): it just never seemed like a thing that mattered enough to bring up before, bc it was just me and him and occasionally lily but i guess now it does matter? not that im dating anyone or anything but i mean _

_ Remus (sun, 10:31 pm): it’s real now, it’s not just a thing in my head that i know it’s a real thing that people know about me and apparently boys hit on me now sometimes???? so i guess i should tell him?? i mean he probably already knows from the everything about me _

**Sirius (sun, 10:33 pm): remus ur never obligated to come out, u don’t have to come out to ur dad just bc ur out to other ppl now, but if ur ready and u think it’s safe, that’s awesome**

_ Remus (sun, 10:35 pm): ya u know i think i might be _

_ Remus (sun, 10:36 pm): ready, that is _

_ Remus (sun, 10:36 pm): god is it weird that i literally never thought about this???? it’s like the Quintessential Gay Moment and i’ve literally never considered what it’ll be like to come out to my dad _

**Sirius (sun, 10:37 pm): coming out being the Quintessential Gay Moment is a lie the hets tell u **

**Sirius (sun, 10:37 pm): every moment of ur life is Quintessentially Gay whether ur out or not, it isn’t just coming out or ur first gay relationship or whatever it’s existing and loving urself and making queer friends and learning about ur community’s history and making a home out of your body, the important parts of ur identity are not exclusively the ones for those on the outside to spectate at**

**Sirius (sun, 10:38 pm): i promise i’ll get off my soapbox eventually, but for the record, it always mattered, and it was always real. u were gay before u knew, u were gay before u told anyone, and it’s exactly as important as it is to u, no more no less**

**Sirius (sun, 10:39 pm): all this isn’t to say that coming out isn’t a big step and i’m not extremely proud of u, but just to say, it’s only as big a deal as u want it to be. this isn’t some grand moment u owe to ur dad it’s just an opportunity for him to know u more**

**Sirius (sun, 10:40 pm): god, sorry i got preachy on ur moment and now i’m rambling and probably not making sense but**

_ Remus (sun, 10:42 pm): no no i appreciate it, it does make sense and ur right _

_ Remus (sun, 10:43 pm): hey sirius? _

_ Remus (sun, 10:43 pm): thanks _

_ Remus (sun, 10:44 pm): i’m really glad i have someone to talk about this stuff with _

**Sirius (sun, 10:46 pm): no problem, happy to go off on an unnecessary tangent anytime**

_ Remus (sun, 10:47 pm): aldfaj i know u are _

_ Remus (sun, 10:48 pm): it actually helps tho, thinking about it like that. it doesn’t have to be a movie moment, and it’s not something i have to do, it’s just a thing, it’s an offer _

_ Remus (sun, 10:48 pm): it takes the pressure off in a weird way _

_ Remus (sun, 10:49 pm): idk, i do think i’m ready tho, or at least almost. i think i’ll give it a little bit to let the idea settle and then revisit it _

**Sirius (sun, 10:51 pm): that sounds like a good plan**

**Sirius (sun, 10:52 pm): remus?**

**Sirius (sun, 10:52 pm): i’m really proud of u**

_ Remus (sun, 10:53 pm): thanks, i’m proud of u too _

**Sirius (sun, 10:54 pm): for what?**

_ Remus (sun, 10:55 pm): for existing _

_ Remus (sun, 10:55 pm): for loving urself, for making queer friends, making a home out of ur body _

**Sirius (sun, 10:56 pm): hey thanks remus**

_ Remus (sun, 10:56 pm): anytime _

_ Remus (sun, 10:57 pm): gonna enter the resting void now tho, sleep well _

**Sirius (sun, 10:57 pm): sleep well remus, sweet dreams**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because it's not a chapter of keysmash until leia gives a lecture! it wasn't a planned thing to post this chapter the day after national coming out day but it's cute that it worked out that way. happy late coming out day to all of you! i love every single one of you and i hope you're doing well!


	10. Monday: A Phone Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus forgets his headphones and names are a nice kind of weird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there! hope you've all had good weeks! this chapter contains some discussion of anxiety, just a heads up!

_ Remus (mon, 9:14 am): sirius i forgot my headphones at home _

_ Remus (mon, 9:15 am): this is the worst thing that has ever happened to anyone ever in all of human history _

**Sirius (mon, 9:17 am): who’s dramatic now**

_ Remus (mon, 9:20 am): sirius i spend the whole day in the LIBRARY how can i be expected to study without old 80’s music????? _

_ Remus (mon, 9:21 am): learning about the cold war without tears for fears? i think not _

**Sirius (mon, 9:22 am): u kno ‘everybody wants to rule the world’ is actually about the cold war**

_ Remus (mon, 9:24 am): oh sexy, love that _

_ Remus (mon, 9:25 am): but back to the matter at hand _

_ Remus (mon, 9:25 am): do u think if i promise my firstborn to a witch she’d bring me headphones _

**Sirius (mon, 9:27 am): u kno u could just,,,, drive back to ur house and get ur headphones**

_ Remus (mon, 9:28 am): nah it’s like a half hour walk and i have schoolwork to get done _

_ Remus (mon, 9:28 am): plus lily gets pissy when i’m late and she’s not someone u want to be pissed at u _

**Sirius (mon, 9:29 am): yeah that tracks**

**Sirius (mon, 9:30 am): also i didn’t realize u walked, that’s cool, v environmentally sexy of u**

_ Remus (mon, 9:32 am): oh, yeah, i do _

_ Remus (mon, 9:33 am): anyways lily, the light of my life, my actual hero and savior, has agreed to give me one of her earbuds for the day so i just get to appreciate lily’s music taste it’s Bonding _

_ Remus (mon, 9:33 am): i have to make myself focus on this reading, but i hope your day goes well and u have fun in class _

**Sirius (mon, 9:36 am): ya u too remus enjoy your studies**

_ Remus (mon, 10:42 am): sirius lily exclusively listens to ABBA when she studies _

_ Remus (mon, 10:43 am): my mind says study but my heart says dancing queen _

**Sirius (mon, 10:46 am): ur friend (me) also says study don't get distracted, we can talk ABBA later, i promise**

_ Remus (mon, 10:47 am): im holding u to that _

**Sirius (mon, 10:48 am): i wouldn't have it any other way**

**Sirius (mon, 1:36 pm): james, my brother, my best friend, he whom i love most dearly, is an extremely dumb fuck and drank coffee with his meds today so im officially on anxiety ball babysitting duty further updates as the strenuous battle continues**

_ Remus (mon, 1:38 pm): oh yikes i salute you and will keep u in my thoughts tell james i hope he feels better _

**Sirius (mon, 1:40 pm): thanks, it's gonna be a fun day**

**Sirius (mon, 1:40 pm): i just gotta get him through slughorn's chem class and then we can sit outside for a bit and hopefully that helps**

**Sirius (mon, 1:41 pm): it does not help that slughorn has a slug brain and glares at him for fidgeting but then when i hold his hand so he STOPS fidgeting he also glares bc we're not only ableist but homophobic im gonna snitch on him to dumbledore**

_ Remus (mon, 1:43 pm): good, get this asshole fired _

_ Remus (mon, 1:44 pm): hey, maybe this is dumb, but has james tried counting? just like, counting one to a hundred really slowly? _

**Sirius (mon, 1:46 pm): he's doing it now, seems to be helping a bit**

**James (mon, 1:49 pm): hey remus, thanks**

**James (mon, 1:49 pm): the counting trick actually helped me out a lot**

**James (mon, 1:50 pm): i mean don't get me wrong shit's still Bad but i think i can make it through slughorn's now, so thank u**

**James (mon, 1:51 pm): it forced my brain to slow down, if that makes sense. like thinking words and abstract feelings really fast i have no way to clock but if im counting too fast i notice it and i can make myself slow down**

**James (mon, 1:52 pm): anyway, thanks again, i appreciate it**

_ Remus (mon, 1:53 pm): anytime james _

_ Remus (mon, 1:53 pm): i hope u feel better _

_ Remus (mon, 1:54 pm): and i know u have sirius to talk to, but if u ever wanna talk to someone not your brother, i'm here _

**James (mon, 1:55 pm): thanks remus, i'll keep that in mind**

**James (mon, 1:56 pm): u too? if u ever need to talk to someone who isn't lily, the love of my life, or sirius, the love of ur life? you'll feel free to talk to me?**

_ Remus (mon, 1:58 pm): i mean yes but i find it important to clarify that sirius is not the love of my life _

**James (mon, 1:59 pm): alright cool ill respect that, won't bring it up again, but i want it on record now that i have 'i told u so' rights if ur wrong**

_ Remus (mon, 2:01 pm): alright fair deal _

**James (mon, 2:03 pm): fantastic, sirius is taking me outside now so i will leave u to your studies have an excellent evening remus, my most excellent man, and say hello to the fair lily for me**

_ Remus (mon, 2:04 pm): u too james, u force of nature _

_ Remus (mon, 2:08 pm): sirius i told lily that james said hi and she turned bright red and asked why i was talking to him _

_ Remus (mon, 2:08 pm): i was like "idk bc he's cool, is it gonna bother u?' and she was like "no it's just weird to realize he exists outside of the woods" _

_ Remus (mon, 2:09 pm): so good news, james seems to have achieved the status of mysterious forest entity _

_ Remus (mon, 2:10 pm): bad news, mysterious forest entities are not particularly dateable, he might need to work on that _

**Sirius (mon, 3:24 pm): excuse u mysterious forest entities are extremely dateable where is your monster fucking "can do" spirit**

**Sirius (mon, 3:24 pm): wow remus didn't know u were mysterious-forest-entity-phobic**

_ Remus (mon, 3:25 pm): i mean first of all i never claimed to be a monsterfucker, i have dignity _

**Sirius (mon, 3:26 pm): where??**

**Sirius (mon, 3:26 pm): where is the dignity in denying yourself a loving and consensual good time just bc u were a coward about a few extra eyes and some teeth**

_ Remus (mon, 3:27 pm): how many eyes does james have????? _

**Sirius (mon, 3:29 pm): this isn't about James anymore this is about u missing out on all the good monster dick**

**Sirius (mon, 3:29 pm): i mean come on, anyone who says they wouldn't at least fuck a werewolf is lying**

_ Remus (mon, 3:30 pm): u'd fuck a werewolf? _

**Sirius (mon, 3:31 pm): enthusiastically**

_ Remus (mon, 3:32 pm): of course u would _

_ Remus (mon, 3:32 pm): although as we've recently discovered, u have v little follow through _

_ Remus (mon, 3:33 pm): u'd probably just flirt with the werewolf endlessly and be completely clueless while the poor sod fell helplessly in love with u _

**Sirius (mon, 3:34 pm): well it's not my fault im irresistible to all humanoid species**

_ Remus (mon, 3:35 pm): have u had that ego looked at by a doctor yet? _

**Sirius (mon, 3:36 pm): ya and the doctor said i have sexy bitch syndrome, it's incurable**

_ Remus (mon, 3:37 pm): skfjs im so sorry, my condolences to ur family lmk if u need anything in these trying times _

_ Remus (mon, 3:38 pm): speaking of ur family, is james feeling any better? _

**Sirius (mon, 3:40 pm): yeah, he is actually, i made him chill out and talk and read for a bit outside and it helped, he just had to stop the rapid brain spiralling, from here we'll just have an easy night in and i'll make sure he doesn't get too wrapped up in schoolwork and start it up again**

_ Remus (mon, 3:41 pm): good, how are you doing? _

**Sirius (mon, 3:42 pm): pretty good, it's a nice day out and im caught up on work, not much more u can ask for**

**Sirius (mon, 3:43 pm): how about you?**

_ Remus (mon, 3:44 pm): i'm doing okay, lily has changed the music to paper kites so we're a bit more chill and a bit less distracted _

_ Remus (mon, 3:44 pm): my heart misses the abba tho :( _

_ Remus (mon, 3:45 pm): but i got a lot done and you're right, the weather is nice, and im here with my good friend and texting some other good friends (read: you) (and also earlier james) (and also dorcas earlier wow having friends is weird) so anyway it's a good day, im just wrapping up school stuff at the library before walking home _

_ Remus (mon, 3:49 pm): actually though, i have a weird favor to ask, u can totally say no _

**Sirius (mon, 3:51 pm): what's up?**

_ Remus (mon, 3:53 pm): i'm walking home and i don't have headphones so it's really boring, could i call u? _

_ Remus (mon, 3:54 pm): i know it's weird bc we don't actually know each other irl so ive like never heard ur voice but _

**Sirius (mon, 3:55 pm): oh, it's not weird, go ahead**

**[Incoming Call From: ** ** _mystery boy who lives in my phone_ ** **]**

**"Hello?"**

_ "Hey" _

**". . ."**

_ ". . ." _

** _[Muffled laughter]_ **

_ "Hey Sirius, thanks for keeping me company on my arduous walk home" _

**"Wow, you even use words like 'arduous' out loud"**

_ "Shut up" _

**"Sorry, that would be terribly out of character for me."**

_ "If you ever decide to quit school, you could bully me full time." _

**"Me? Tease my dear friend Remus? I have never, not once in my life."**

_ "I don't think that claim would hold up in court." _

**"Are you suing me?"**

_ "Yes, for emotional distress. I intend to win your motorbike in the legal battle." _

**[Dramatic gasp] **

**"You would never."**

_ "You would do well not to underestimate me." _

**"What kind of dark creature are you, that you would threaten a man's motorbike?"**

_ "Excuse you, we prefer the term 'werewolf'. The label 'dark creature' is derogatory and offensive." _

**[Muffled laughter]**

**"Oh God, I had completely forgotten about your whole thinly veiled werewolf self insert in your story when I did that bit about fucking a werewolf"**

_ "Uhuh, I'm sure you had." _

**"I had! I'm innocent, I swear!"**

_ "I don't believe you, you're going to jail for bullying and innuendos." _

**"No trial?"**

_ "No, no rights for Sirius Black." _

**"Oh."**

_ "Oh? Not good?" _

**"No, just. You said my name. It was weird. Nice weird, though."**

_ "Oh. Well, as long as it's nice weird." _

**"Yeah, it is."**

_ "Your voice sounds familiar, weirdly." _

**"I keep telling you, we live close, we've probably run into each other."**

_ "Yeah, yeah, and you were hitting on me, right?" _

**"Right, exactly."**

_ "You're delusional. Nice delusional, though. Probably you just sound like an actor in something I've seen or something like that." _

**"That wouldn't explain why your voice sounds familiar to me too, though."**

_ "It does?" _

**"Yeah, it does."**

_ ". . ." _

**". . ."**

**"Probably I've heard it in my dreams"**

_ [Muffled laughter] _

_ "You fucking dipshit" _

**"That's my name, don't wear it out"**

_ “Mr. Dipshit, has anyone ever told you that you are remarkably charming?” _

**“Once or twice, Mr. Remus Lupin, once or twice.”**

_ “Oh.” _

**“Huh?”**

_ “You’re right. It’s a nice sort of weird. Hearing you say my name.” _

**“Oh? Is that so, Remus Lupin?”**

_ “It most certainly is, Sirius Black.” _

**“. . .”**

_ “. . .” _

** _[muffled laughter]_ **

**“So ho- wait, hold on a sec Remus, sorry- oy! James! Yeah, you, asshole, how many tabs did I just see open?”**

**  
** [distant garbled voice]

**“Yeah that’s twelve too many. Close them all down and try again. We’re being calm tonight, remember?”**

[more distant, disgruntled garbled voice]

**“I assure you the sentiment is mutual. Sorry Remus, what were we talking about?”**

_ “Well now we’re going to talk about how you gave me shit for ‘ardous’ and then turned around and said ‘I assure you the sentiment is mutual’ you fucking hypocrite.” _

**“It’s not my fault James only speaks Pretentious.”**

_ “No, but it  _ is _ your fault for surrounding yourself with anxious nerds.” _

**“Excuse you, that’s not my fault, that’s my privilege.”**

[muffled, nervous laughter]

_ “Well then it’s my privilege to surround myself with overdramatic dipshits.” _

**“You know it, babe.”**

[more muffled, nervous laughter]

“ _ . . .” _

**“. . .”**

_ “. . .” _

**“Hey, hey Remus.”**

_ “Hm?” _

**[bad, very bad, not even in a key] “Mamma Mia, here we go again”**

_ [muffled laughter, also bad] “My my, how could I resist ya?” _

**“Mamma Mia, does it show again?”**

_ “My, my, just how much I missed ya?” _

**[significantly louder] “Yeeeeeeees I’ve been brokenhearte- oh shit”**

**[assorted crashing sounds and a garbled disgruntled voice]**

_ “Fuck, are you okay?” _

**“Yeah, I’m fine just kind of tripped over a chair and landed on James, who was not a fan. Apparently lapsitting is fine when he’s sad but when I fall all of a sudden I’m in his ‘personal space’ and ‘elbowing his dick’”**

_ “Wow, the double standards involved there.” _

**“I know, what kind of friend doesn’t want my elbow on his dick? A fake friend, that’s who.”**

_ “I can’t believe James was a fake friend this whole time.” _

**“My only real friend is my motorbike. I’m a lone biker. Me and my leather jacket against the world.”**

_ “Are they gonna make a movie about you, the cool mysterious biker, and your struggles with loneliness?” _

**“Yes and I’m going to star in it too, none of this professional actor bullshit. I am going to get by on my looks and my looks alone, no talent necessary.”**

_ “I feel like you wouldn’t need much acting talent to play the movie version of yourself.” _

**“Oh no, my movie self is going to be way different. For one thing, his english grade is going to be waayyy better.”**

_ “A truly drastic character adjustment” _

**“It really is. Also, he’ll never get so distracted singing ABBA that he trips over chairs.”**

_ “Oh, but that’s my favorite part about him.” _

**“Really, not the irresistible charm? Or the hilarious wit? Or the ingenious mind?”**

_ “Those are up there, but I really like the ABBA thing. I, uh, like hearing you sing.” _

**“Oh, thanks.”**

_ “Plus, it was funny when you fell. Anyway, I’m almost home, thank you for calling Sirius, I’ll talk to you later?” _

**“Yeah, it was fun, talk to you later.”**

_ Remus (mon, 9:46 pm): hey, thanks again for calling and keeping me company _

_ Remus (mon, 9:47 pm): hope u sleep well :) _

**Sirius (mon, 9:54 pm): you too, remus, talk to you tomorrow, sweet dreams**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so this is the first time i haven't been ahead on this fic, so if my next update is late know that it's not abandoned i've just gotten behind because of a crazy week including midterm projects and a romantic endeavor of my own. I'm really enjoying this fic though and have the whole thing outlined so don't stress, I might just need an extra week.


	11. Tuesday:  a real 10/10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> guys gals and non binary pals,,,, the moment you've all been waiting for,,,

**Sirius (tue, 10:43 am): remus i look so cute today and nobody is gonna see it i’m v :/ about the whole thing**

_ Remus (tue, 10:48 am): what do you mean nobody’s gonna see it?? aren’t u at school? don’t u have class? _

**Sirius (tue, 10:49 am): i mean nobody that MATTERS**

_ Remus (tue, 10:50 am): i’m telling james u said that _

**Sirius (tue, 10:52 am): good, his ego could use it**

_ Remus (tue, 10:53 am): u did elbow him in the dick yesterday, hasn’t he suffered enough? _

**Sirius (tue, 10:53 am): he doesn’t know the true suffering of being this beautiful every day**

_ Remus (tue, 10:54 am): truly, how do you handle it? _

**Sirius (tue, 10:55 am): years of practice, babe, long difficult years of practice**

_ Remus (tue, 10:56 am): i can’t handle u right now i’ve got work tell james he’s on ego deflation duty _

**Sirius (tue, 10:58 am): have fun!**

_ Remus (tue, 12:31 pm): sirius lily came to hang out with me at work and i’m now living that v aesthetic life of two young pretty things hanging out around a record shop i feel like lily and i could have a sitcom about us. _

**Sirius (tue, 12:37 pm): i would watch the FUCK out of that tv show**

**Sirius (tue, 12:38 pm): james would watch it just for lily prolly yikes**

_ Remus (tue, 12:41 pm): lily says james isn’t allowed to watch our sitcom _

_ Remus (tue, 12:42 pm): we’re going to produce and distribute this show personally to everyone on the planet except for him _

_ Remus (tue, 12:42 pm): it will be more work than, you know, just airing it on tv like every other sitcom, but according to lily it will be worth it _

**Sirius (tue, 12:45 pm): u know what i think that’s fair**

**Sirius (tue, 12:46 pm): have u considered just murdering him in cold blood? seems like it might be simpler. i’m his brother, i could totally be a useful accomplice**

_ Remus (tue, 12:48 pm): lily says no bc ‘there’s a chance he’d go to a better place’ _

**Sirius (tue, 12:51 pm): wow she’s really not fucking around, huh?**

**Sirius (tue, 12:52 pm): he didn’t really make her uncomfortable did he? because 100% i can talk to him i can make sure he leaves her alone**

_ Remus (tue, 12:55 pm): nah lily’s just like this, she doesn’t know how to handle emotions so all that comes out is aggression. when we first became friends i feared for my life every day.  _

**Sirius (tue, 12:57 pm): okay ngl that’s pretty relatable i think i had to give james at least 3 black eyes before i could call him my friend**

**Sirius (tue, 12:58 pm): tell lily we have a lot in common**

_ Remus (tue, 1:03 pm): she started dry heaving _

_ Remus (tue, 1:04 pm): i think that means she likes u _

_ Remus (tue, 1:08 pm): oh she uuuh wants to know if u have an insta _

_ Remus (tue, 1:10 pm): obviously it’s cool if u don’t wanna share that. i told her that’s crazy. we could be crazy murder foot fetish stalkers for all u know _

_ Remus (tue, 1:10 pm): actually that’s embarrassingly not that far off bc i’m pretty sure lily just asked in order to see if there are pictures of james on ur insta _

_ Remus (tue, 1:11 pm): it’s dangerous to give ur social media accounts to strangers, that’s how ppl get trafficked _

_ Remus (tue, 1:12 pm): internet safety first and all _

**Sirius (tue, 1:13 pm): true true anyway my insta is @blacksheepofgryffindor**

**Sirius (tue, 1:14 pm): don’t do anything murder stalker-y**

_ Remus (tue, 1:15 pm): oh _

_ Remus (tue, 1:18 pm): OH _

_ Remus (tue, 1:19 pm): uhhh _

_ Remus (tue, 1:19 pm): i _

_ Remus (tue, 1:19 pm): don’t know how to say this _

_ Remus (tue, 1:22 pm): here let’s just do this _

_ Remus (tue, 1:23 pm): my insta is @wolfinthewardrobe _

**Sirius (tue, 1:27 pm): JAMES**

**Sirius (tue, 1:28 pm): james stop paying attention to the lecture this is an emergency**

**James (tue, 1:30 pm): it better be, some of us actually wanna pass**

**Sirius (tue, 1:31 pm): u remember the boy from the record shop on saturday?**

**James (tue, 1:32 pm): the one u were hitting on before the incident with regulus?**

**Sirius (tue, 1:32 pm): ya**

**Sirius (tue, 1:32 pm): it’s him**

**Sirius (tue, 1:33 pm): it’s remus**

**James (tue, 1:34 pm): wait shit WHAT**

**Sirius (tue, 1:34 pm): YEAH the cute boy i can’t stop thinking about from the record shop is remus, the cute boy**

** i can’t stop thinking about ** **who lives in my phone**

**James (tue, 1:35 pm): omygod it’s like cinderella that’s so romantic**

**Sirius (tue, 1:36 pm): no it is NOT because he said he wanted to be friends and we respect that in this good house of mcgonagall**

**James (tue, 1:37 pm): even tho you’re obviously pining like away like a complete and utter sap?**

**Sirius (tue, 1:38 pm): stop it stop it shut up we’re friends and i like being friends and i am perfectly capable of being friends with breathtaking boys who make me feel like my stomach has been emptied out of all organs and replaced with a butterfly shelter**

**James (tue, 1:39 pm): true, you’re very adept at being friends with breathtaking boys, just look at me**

**James (tue, 1:39 pm): doesn’t seem like that’s what’s happening here though**

**James (tue, 1:40 pm): i mean he was flirting back on saturday, wasn’t he?**

**Sirius (tue, 1:40 pm): ya but he didn’t know it was me, that doesn’t count**

**James (tue, 1:41 pm): whatever u say bro, if u wanna be friends i support u**

**James (tue, 1:41 pm): ur friend is really fucking cute though, i can confirm that**

**Sirius (tue, 1:42 pm): james he’s so cute**

**Sirius (tue, 1:42 pm): wait FUCK i just realized this means i’ve talked about how cute remus the boy from saturday was with remus the boy in my phone**

**Sirius (tue, 1:43 pm): i’m pretty sure i said i would’ve proposed on the spot if i’d had a ring**

**Sirius (tue, 1:43 pm): why do u let me have a phone, why do u let me out of the house**

**James (tue, 1:44 pm): bc if mcgonagall had to deal with u 24/7 she’d quit and move to argentina. i have a legal contract with dumbledore saying i have to walk u twice a day**

**Sirius (tue, 1:44 pm): fuck u**

**Sirius (tue, 1:46 pm): so uhhh**

**Sirius (tue, 1:46 pm): sorry if i made u uncomfortable on saturday**

_ Remus (tue, 1:47 pm): oh, you didn’t, don’t worry _

**Sirius (tue, 1:48 pm): cool**

**Sirius (tue, 1:49 pm): god it’s so weird**

**Sirius (tue, 1:50 pm): u know when we realized james & lily knew each other and u said u liked to think we meet in every timeline? it’s like that**

**Sirius (tue, 1:51 pm): it was nice to meet you, by the way**

_ Remus (tue, 1:52 pm): it was nice to meet you too _

_ Remus (tue, 1:53 pm): i hope i didn’t make u uncomfortable either, even with all the uh,, stuff i said later that day about u but i didn’t know it was you _

**Sirius (tue, 1:54 pm): it’s okay remus, i know i look like a greek god, it’s not news to me**

_ Remus (tue, 1:55 pm): omygod _

_ Remus (tue, 1:56 pm): brb gonna go bury myself alive _

**Sirius (tue, 1:57 pm): have fun! stay safe!**

**Sirius (tue, 1:58 pm): adflkjaf i think we can agree we both said Some Things, let’s just forget about them and move on?**

_ Remus (tue, 2:02 pm): sounds like a great plan _

_ Remus (tue, 2:03 pm): so i know you’re not a crazy old man foot fetish murder stalker _

**Sirius (tue, 2:04 pm): no, now you know the real, horrifying truth about me**

**Sirius (tue, 2:05 pm): that i’m a 10/10, i have a chronic cute condition and it’s incurable**

_ Remus (tue, 2:07 pm): oh u poor thing _

_ Remus (tue, 2:08 pm): okay i gotta actually do work things now, talk to you later? _

**Sirius (tue, 2:10 pm): absolutely, have fun!**

_ Remus (tue, 9:19 pm): so how’d ur day go, o great one? _

**Sirius (tue, 9:31 pm): mcgonagall almost swore today it was amazing**

_ Remus (tue, 9:34 pm): what did u do to her???? _

**Sirius (tue, 9:35 pm): what**

**Sirius (tue, 9:36 pm): how dare u**

**Sirius (tue, 9:36 pm): what on EARTH would make u assume that i, sirius the innocent, could possibly have anything to do with this??????**

**Sirius (tue, 9:37 pm): maybe she just had a headache**

_ Remus (tue, 9:37 pm): yeah, a headache named Sirius Black _

**Sirius (tue, 9:38 pm): idk what i’ve done to deserve this**

**Sirius (tue, 9:39 pm): i guess it’s just national bullying sirius day**

_ Remus (tue, 9:40 pm): everyday is bullying sirius day where i’m from _

**Sirius (tue, 9:41 pm): as we were forcefully reminded today, we literally live in the same town**

_ Remus (tue, 9:42 pm): exactly _

_ Remus (tue, 9:42 pm): so what made mcgonagall swear, if not u? _

**Sirius (tue, 9:43 pm): oh it was definitely me**

**Sirius (tue, 9:43 pm): i just resent the assumption**

_ Remus (tue, 9:43 pm): i swear to god _

**Sirius (tue, 9:44 pm): that’s what she said**

**Sirius (tue, 9:44 pm): and by ‘she’ i mean mcgonagall**

**Sirius (tue, 9:45 pm): that is literally what she said earlier today right before she nearly dropped an f bomb on the whole lecture**

**Sirius (tue, 9:46 pm): the series of events was as follows**

**Sirius (tue, 9:46 pm): mcgonagall, being the illustrous and punctual professor she is, walks into her classroom exactly 10 minutes before class starts. **

**Sirius (tue, 9:47 pm): as usual, the classroom is mostly empty, today the only one in the room is one dark and handsome james potter, who must be having an odd day because he seems to be talking to himself, but in the direction of the ceiling, and mcgonagall happens to know that the potters don’t pray like that, so she simply says ‘good afternoon mr. potter’ and goes about her day setting up her classroom for another thrilling lecture on hamlet**

**Sirius (tue, 9:48 pm): slowly students start to file into the classroom, and everyone is present except for sirius black, that young and dashingly handsome rascal whom mcgonagall often thought of as a son**

_ Remus (tue, 9:49 pm): i feel like your portrayal of mcgonagall’s internal monologue might be a little biased, i sense some unreliable narration _

**Sirius (tue, 9:50 pm): it was odd to see james without his brother sirius, but perhaps the beautiful young sirius had struck ill, and was wasting away with the scarlet fever, so she went on with the class, calling roll**

**Sirius (tue, 9:51 pm): she goes alphabetically, so it doesn’t take much time for her to reach “Sirius Black”, but there is none to be seen, and nobody out of her vision speaks up to say ‘here’ so she quickly goes to move on to ‘Daisy Boswell’ but before she can, james potter lets out a monstrously loud cough**

**Sirius (tue, 9:52 pm): she is so distracted by his coughing (which was, frankly, overkill) and trying to remember her CPR training that she failed to notice the ceiling tile above her start to move**

_ Remus (tue, 9:53 pm): omygod you didn’t _

**Sirius (tue, 9:54 pm): suddenly, much as the daring pirates might have done in hamlet, a breathtakingly gorgeous queer, a real 10/10, comes sliding down from a rope he has cleverly tied into the ceiling**

**Sirius (tue, 9:55 pm): unfortunately, it turns out sliding down a rope is slightly more difficult than it appears in the movies, and the lively sirius black loses his grip and starts to fall to the floor**

**Sirius (tue, 9:56 pm): but before the unfortunate collision with the hard stone, the chivalrous james potter (who has ceased his coughing) shoots up from his seat and dashes across the room, just in time to catch his brother in his arms**

**Sirius (tue, 9:57 pm): so there stands mcgonagall, in the middle of her lecture course with dozens of students watching on, a rope hanging down from a hole in the ceiling, and one sirius black in the arms of james potter, hanging on for dear life, who smiles a frankly blinding smile and says, ‘here’**

**Sirius (tue, 9:58 pm): and that’s the story of how mcgonagall almost said the fuck word in front of a classroom of students**

_ Remus (tue, 10:00 pm): again _

_ Remus (tue, 10:00 pm): how the fuck do you expect me not to fall in love with you?? _

**Sirius (tue, 10:01 pm): believe it or not, that was not the context in which minnie nearly used that word earlier**

**Sirius (tue, 10:01 pm): it was more along the lines of “who the ever loving fuck do you think you are” or maybe “who the ever loving fuck let you into this school” or something, if i can gather from context clues**

_ Remus (tue, 10:03 pm): and she is deeply valid _

_ Remus (tue, 10:03 pm): i cannot believe u put her through that _

**Sirius (tue, 10:05 pm): don’t worry, i have like 40 hours of detention to do now**

**Sirius (tue, 10:06 pm): but that’s just more time to spend with my mom mcgonagall helping her with her busywork, so really, it’s a win for everyone**

**Sirius (tue, 10:06 pm): so yeah that was my day, how was yours?**

_ Remus (tue, 10:07 pm): aldfafj uuuuuuhhhh _

_ Remus (tue, 10:08 pm): nothing like that _

_ Remus (tue, 10:08 pm): while u were off being a disaster gay i was being an Aesthetic gay and hanging around a record shop with another 10 and then making dinner and watching a movie with my dad _

**Sirius (tue, 10:09 pm): god, that sounds great, i’m so jealous of you and your aesthetic gay life**

_ Remus (tue, 10:10 pm): yeah i’m really thriving, plus apparently we’ve met before? which is. weird af but fun. it’s neat _

**Sirius (tue, 10:10 pm): yeah it is neat, we are both now firmly out of the old man foot fetish murder stalker category**

**Sirius (tue, 10:11 pm): plus you know what this means, right?**

_ Remus (tue, 10:12 pm): it’s a small world after all? _

**Sirius (tue, 10:13 pm): no it means i was right all along, from the very beginning**

**Sirius (tue, 10:14 pm): i told u when we first met that if we met irl i was probably hitting on u**

**Sirius (tue, 10:14 pm): so**

**Sirius (tue, 10:15 pm): told u so**

_ Remus (tue, 10:16 pm): alkfdjksfj i suppose ur right _

**Sirius (tue, 10:17 pm): i always am, babe**

**Sirius (tue, 10:18 pm): okay as much as i would love to rub it in your face more, i have detention to serve bright and early tomorrow, so i must bid you goodnight **

_ Remus (tue, 10:19 pm): good night sirius, you absolute maniac _

**Sirius (tue, 10:20 pm): <3**

_ Remus (tue, 10:22 pm): lily do u know what this means? _

_ Remus (tue, 10:22 pm): he’s seen my scars and still tried to hit on me _

_ Lily (tue, 10:23 pm): of course he did, u fool, bc ur an absolute 10  _

_ Lily (tue, 10:23 pm): nobody in their right mind would pass up on the chance to hit on u _

_ Remus (tue, 10:24 pm): ya but i mean, let’s be honest, the argument could be made that this boy is not entirely in his right mind _

_ Lily (tue, 10:25 pm): true, true _

_ Lily (tue, 10:26 pm): sooooooo _

_ Lily (tue, 10:26 pm): u still on that whole ‘i’d prefer him as a friend’ thing or??? _

_ Remus (tue, 10:28 pm): what? yeah, of course, why? _

_ Lily (tue, 10:29 pm): cool cool just checking _

_ Lily (tue, 10:30 pm): just kinda seemed like u were really happy about the fact that sirius the boy from ur phone was the one hitting on u the other day _

_ Lily (tue, 10:31 pm): almost as if you, ya know, wanted sirius to be hitting on u bc you maybe liked him _

_ Lily (tue, 10:32 pm): but if you prefer him as a friend that’s cool, i respect that,. believe me, i’m not desperate to set u up with the apple boy who is friends with james fleamont potter _

_ Remus (tue, 10:33 pm): wait til i tell u the shit he pulled today _

_ Remus (tue, 10:33 pm): also u know his middle name??? _

_ Lily (tue, 10:34 pm): we’ve maybe talked for a bit before _

_ Lily (tue, 10:35 pm): deer watching gets boring _

_ Lily (tue, 10:36 pm): it’s not my fault _

_ Lily (tue, 10:36 pm): anyway this isn’t about me _

_ Remus (tue, 10:38 pm): whatever u say lily _

_ Remus (tue, 10:40 pm): listen i?????? might not be sure? maybe? idk _

_ Lily (tue, 10:42 pm): hey that’s okay remus, that’s allowed _

_ Lily (tue, 10:43 pm): what isn’t allowed is u being late for work tomorrow bc u stayed up too late and overslept, get some sleep _

_ Remus (tue, 10:44 pm): ya okay thanks lily, good night, sleep well _

**James (tue, 10:46 pm): sirius u have to get up at 5 tomorrow why tf are u getting out of bed**

**Sirius (tue, 10:47 pm): say that out loud u coward**

**James (tue, 10:47 pm): don’t wanna wake up frank, why are u putting ur shoes on, where are you going?**

**Sirius (tue, 10:48 pm): out, don’t worry about it, i’ll be safe**

**Sirius (tue, 10:52 pm): i’m borrowing ur pen and this morning’s newspaper, do u still have the key to the greenhouse?**

**James (tue, 10:53 pm): ya it’s behind the loose shower tile**

**Sirius (tue, 10:54 pm): fantastic, thank u**

The streetlights watched his motorbike struggle down the Hogsmeade roads, which were too old and rough to be safe for a vehicle with only two wheels. The stray cats, all black, watched with big eyes as he parked the bike in front of the record shop where the scarred boy who always fed them worked. The chill in the air watched him carefully pull the small bundle of tulips out of his jacket, checking to make sure they weren’t smushed, and wrap them in the newspaper he had tucked away. The night watched all together as he pulled the pen from his pocket and scribbled on a notecard ‘Hope this isn’t too murder-stalkery, but you deserve to have a boy bring flowers for you’ then gently set the gift and note on the front step of the record shop and ride away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed it! also u may have noticed that i changed the expected chapter count, i compressed my outline bc my priority here is telling a complete story that doesn't stagnate. you'll still get to see these two nerds live out their whole disaster romance tho. also i'm going on a date with an extremely cute trans boy from my social work cohort today, wish me luck! and happy halloween/diwali/dia de los muertos/end of october!


	12. Wednesday: Parent Trap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we decide to parent trap two yearning lesbians.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was late guys, i've been busy *montage of last two weeks* being slutty, having breakdowns, and binging she-ra (if anyone's seen s4 hmu i wanna talk). also!!!!!! this fic was nominated for best wolfstar multichapter of the year on @wolfstarawards on tumblr and i cannot tell you enough how honored and happy this made me so thank you thank you thank you to anyone who had a part in that. i love you all a lot!!! 
> 
> heads up, there's discussion of a car crash in this chapter

_ The night watched all together as he pulled the pen from his pocket and scribbled on a notecard ‘Hope this isn’t too murder-stalkery, but you deserve to have a boy bring flowers for you’ then gently set the gift and note on the front step of the record shop and ride away.  _

_ Remus (wed, 9:36 am): sirius _

_ Remus (wed, 9:37 am): sirius _

_ Remus (wed, 9:37 am): [sent image] _

_ Remus (wed, 9:37 am): did u do this??????? _

_ Remus (wed, 9:38 am): sirius u can’t just _

**Sirius (wed, 9:42 am): sorry, is it too much?**

_ Remus (wed, 9:43 am): no it’s  _

_ Remus (wed, 9:44 am): it’s just really sweet _

_ Remus (wed, 9:45 am): thank u _

_ Remus (wed, 9:45 am): i love them _

**Sirius (wed, 9:46 am): good, okay**

**Sirius (wed, 9:47 am): i’m glad u like them!! u deserve it**

**Sirius (wed, 9:47 am): gtg to class tho, talk later?**

_ Remus (wed, 9:49 am): yeah, yeah of course, have fun _

_ Remus (wed, 1:21 pm): omygod what is it with lesbians and the gay yearning _

_ Remus (wed, 1:22 pm): Dorcas is chilling with me at work and i swear she loses her train of thought every time a girlish person our age so much walks past the window _

**Sirius (wed, 1:24 pm): there's something in the air for lesbians recently ig**

**Sirius (wed, 1:25 pm): if we found an astrology gay they might be able to explain it to us but alas, i am a driving gay**

_ Remus (wed, 1:26 pm): okay im not a driving gay OR an astrology gay why are we reverting back to binaries  _

_ Remus (wed, 1:26 pm): also i find it hard to believe that you're not an astrology gay considering your whole name situation _

_ Remus (wed, 1:27 pm): and anyway does riding a motorbike actually count as driving?? _

**Sirius (wed, 1:28 pm): well the whole name situation wasn't exactly my choice and yes it absolutely does count how dare u**

_ Remus (wed, 1:34 pm): update: dorcas asked who i was texting so u came up and i pulled up ur insta and she saw a pic of who i have to assume is marlene and her jaw literally dropped _

_ Remus (wed, 1:35 pm): she also thinks ur cute, "from an objective standpoint" which she added as an afterthought _

**Sirius (wed, 1:37 pm): i am cute, from every standpoint**

**Sirius (wed, 1:38 pm): wait wait wait i have an idea**

**Sirius (wed, 1:38 pm): quick post a pic of u and dorcas**

_ Remus (wed, 1:40 pm): u just want another picture of me _

**Sirius (wed, 1:41 pm): obviously, but i promise i also have another (less important) ulterior motive**

_ Remus (wed, 1:53 pm): okay done _

**Sirius (wed, 1:54 pm): brilliant, lecture gets out in like 5 minutes i'll report back momentarily**

_ Remus (wed, 1:55 pm): stop texting me in class, u dipshit _

**Sirius (wed, 1:55 pm): bossy, love that :)**

_ Remus (wed, 1:56 pm): is2g _

**Sirius (wed, 2:06 pm): a complete narrative of events upon the conclusion of dumb slughorn's dumb lecture**

**Sirius (wed, 2:07 pm): i, the dashing devastatingly handsome hero, walk up to marlene as she is packing up her things and express gay panic, lamenting my lot in life which is to be constantly subjected to cute pictures of one remus lupin, which my poor queer heart cannot handle. **

**Sirius (wed, 2:08 pm): as expected, marlene rolls her eyes, but is not suspicious when i shove my phone, with the picture in question, in front of her face, in search of commiseration**

**Sirius (wed, 2:09 pm): marlene was, of course, expecting a picture of only one cute boy, and so was surprised to see included in the picture the face of a cute girl**

**Sirius (wed, 2:09 pm): so surprised and unprepared for the cute girl is she that her eyes go wide and she involuntarily says, and i quote, "sweet fuck" **

**Sirius (wed, 2:10 pm): whether this exclamation was simply an expletive or marlene formally announcing her intentions with the girl in the picture has yet to be determined**

**Sirius (wed, 2:11 pm): marlene tries to humor me and my ramblings about the boy for a little longer whilst slowly dying before finally asking about the girl in the picture**

**Sirius (wed, 2:12 pm): "oh? her?" i say, the very picture of innocence, "that's remus' friend dorcas. they're having queer solidarity hours at the record shop today."**

_ Remus (wed, 2:12 pm): ur subtlety is astounding _

**Sirius (wed, 2:13 pm): "oh?" says marlene, trying v hard to be casual, "so she's gay?" **

**Sirius (wed, 2:14 pm): i pretend to be perplexed by the question, as if i cannot possibly imagine why she might be interested in this information "yeah, why do u ask?"**

**Sirius (wed, 2:14 pm): marlene assures me there was no reason, she was simply wondering, it was really no big deal at all, and anyway there's james and how is he doing?**

**Sirius (wed, 2:15 pm): james, who had overheard like the nosy eavesdropper he is, also wanted to see the picture, but i told him it was "for gay eyes only" and the subject changed and we went about our days**

_ Remus (wed, 2:17 pm): ur so much _

_ Remus (wed, 2:17 pm): so? what's the plan? _

**Sirius (wed, 2:18 pm): parent trap**

_ Remus (wed, 2:19 pm): parent trap? _

**Sirius (wed, 2:20 pm): parent trap**

_ Remus (wed, 2:23 pm): wouldn't they have to have already been together in the past for that to apply? _

**Sirius (wed, 2:25 pm): okay but u got what i was saying**

**Sirius (wed, 2:26 pm): language is functional, remus**

_ Remus (wed, 2:28 pm): so? we set them up? how?  _

**Sirius (wed, 2:29 pm): well we can't be too obvious about it bc if they think we want them to get together they'll avoid it on principle**

**Sirius (wed, 2:30 pm): so we have to be subtle**

_ Remus (wed, 2:31 pm): okay so step one failed _

**Sirius (wed, 2:33 pm): alright, fair shot, but luckily marlene was too busy gay panicking to notice**

_ Remus (wed, 2:35 pm): well maybe if we were hanging out and we just happened to invite the both of them along _

**Sirius (wed, 2:36 pm): would you? want to hang out?**

_ Remus (wed, 2:37 pm): i mean, it's obviously fine if you don't want to, i mean you've got a busy life and you can't just go meeting mysterious boys who live in your phone _

_ Remus (wed, 2:38 pm): but seeing as we've already met on accident, it's not like it's really a safety concern anymore _

_ Remus (wed, 2:38 pm): but like i said, of course it's fine if you don't want to, it was just a suggestion _

**Sirius (wed, 2:40 pm): remus relax, i’d love to hang out with you, i just wasn’t sure if you would**

**Sirius (wed, 2:41 pm): maybe friday? if you’re free?**

_ Remus (wed, 2:43 pm): ya, that sounds great. when you get out of class maybe? _

_ Remus (wed, 2:44 pm): anyway i’ve got some customers so i’ve gtg, talk to you later, have fun in class PLEASE pay attention for once _

**Sirius (wed, 2:46 pm): how could i pay attention to calculus when i’m seeing u in just two days?? aldfkajf have fun at work ttyl**

  
  


**Sirius (wed, 9:24 pm): hey! how’d work go?**

_ Remus (wed, 9:33 pm): pretty well! we were actually weirdly busy for a wednesday but there was still enough downtime for dorcas and i to just chill and talk about music and such _

_ Remus (wed, 9:35 pm): weirdly enough, she’s also into queen _

**Sirius (wed, 9:37 pm): see okay we HAVE to set them up now, we’re like, committing a crime if we don’t**

**Sirius (wed, 9:37 pm): it’s like destiny or smth**

_ Remus (wed, 9:38 pm): kinda feels like that, yeah _

_ Remus (wed, 9:39 pm): so how are we gonna trick them into hanging out? _

**Sirius (wed, 9:41 pm): okay, marlene works at the milkshake bar in hogsmeade on friday nights usually, so maybe we go there and then u call dorcas and ur like ‘hey i just had the best milkshake of my entire life and i’m chilling with two p cool cats u should come hang out’**

_ Remus (wed, 9:42 pm): well okay the first problem with that is that nobody uses the term ‘cool cats’ _

**Sirius (wed, 9:42 pm): speak for yourself**

_ Remus (wed, 9:43 pm): and the second, more pressing, problem which i should have mentioned earlier is that i can’t exactly walk back from hogsmeade after dark _

**Sirius (wed, 9:44 pm): oh, that’s nbd, i’ll give u a ride**

_ Remus (wed, 9:45 pm): no i _

_ Remus (wed, 9:45 pm): um _

_ Remus (wed, 9:45 pm): i can’t really do that, sorry _

_ Remus (wed, 9:46 pm): god, sorry, it’s just _

_ Remus (wed,9:46 pm): so my family was in a really really bad car accident? when i was really little _

_ Remus (wed, 9:47 pm): that’s, uh. why my mom isn’t around anymore and where my scars came from actually _

_ Remus (wed, 9:47 pm): anyway and i’ve tried, i really have, but i just haven’t been able to get in a car since. or a bus, or, presumably, a motorcycle or any similarly motorized vehicle _

_ Remus (wed, 9:48 pm): so that’s why i walk everywhere _

_ Remus (wed, 9:49 pm): sorry i never told you earlier i’m kinda embarassed about it plus there was never really a time when it came up so _

**Sirius (wed, 9:50 pm): hey, remus, it’s fine, you never have to tell me anything you don’t want to tell me**

**Sirius (wed, 9:51 pm): i’m really sorry that happened to you, remus**

_ Remus (wed, 9:52 pm): it’s okay, it was a long time ago, i just needed you to know _

**Sirius (wed, 9:52 pm): thank u for telling me**

**Sirius (wed, 9:53 pm): we can totally reschedule so we’re not out so late if you want, or if you wanted i could just walk with u home? i really wouldn’t mind**

_ Remus (wed, 9:54 pm): oh you don’t have to do that _

**Sirius (wed, 9:55 pm): but i want to. i mean, obviously if you’d rather just find a better time that’s totally cool but jsyk, i’d love to walk u home**

_ Remus (wed, 9:59 pm): okay, we’ll do that then, if you really don’t mind _

_ Remus (wed, 10:00 pm): thank you sirius _

_ Remus (wed, 10:00 pm): i have to sleep now though, i hope you have a good night :) _

**Sirius (wed, 10:02 pm): brilliant, sounds like a plan. sleep well, remus**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway have i mentioned that i love y'all?? i love y'all. i'mma try my best to get back ahead with this fic bc i have some fun things planned. as always if you wanna talk you can find me @wishingitwerewolfstar on tumblr. happy november to everyone!! hope you're doing well!


	13. Thursday: Purple Lipstick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's missing lily hours, another cute boy comes to the record shop, and we revisit the subject of coming out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: *has to finish about 1000 words of fic*  
me: np!  
me: *has to finish about 1000 words of an essay*  
me: omg the capitalistic burden,,,, it weighs heavy upon me,,,,,
> 
> oh btw there is brief discussion of homophobia, coming out, and being kicked out in this chapter so if those are triggers for u tread carefully!

**Sirius (thu, 10:05 am): did u know that professors don’t like it when you turn papers into them in pink comic sans??????????? absolutely fascinating discovery**

**Sirius (thu, 10:06 am): or at least slughead doesn’t, i will have to expand my sample size for generalizable findings**

_ Remus (thu, 10:12 am): i’m blocking ur number _

**Sirius (thu, 10:14 am): understandable! have a fun day at work! :)**

_ Remus (thu, 10:15 am): aldfjdalf thanks but stop texting me in class loser, hope u have a good day _

  
  


_ Remus (thu, 12:21 pm): it’s missing lily hours, how are u???? _

_ Lily (thu, 12:34 pm): u saw me monday but i’d be lying if i said it wasn’t missing remus hours _

_ Remus (thu, 12:35 pm): :( wow this really is the price of affection and tenderness, huh? _

_ Remus (thu, 12:35 pm): how’re u doing? _

_ Lily (thu, 12:37 pm): work is lame :( i’m telling u, u should’ve put in an app back when we were hiring, we could’ve worked together _

_ Remus (thu, 12:38 pm): everything i touch dies, how was i supposed to work at a plant nursery? u know u could’ve talked dumbledore into hiring u at the recordshop _

_ Lily (thu, 12:38 pm): i can barely keep my temper with normal, non pretentious hipster-esque people, how was i supposed to work at a record shop? _

_ Remus (thu, 12:39 pm): u know ur mysterious forest prince came in that one time _

_ Lily (thu, 12:41 pm): james? of course he did, he’s pretentious, that’s exactly what i mean _

_ Lily (thu, 12:42 pm): and he’s not MY mysterious forest prince, stop saying that _

_ Remus (thu, 12:42 pm): whose mysterious forest prince is he then? _

_ Lily (thu, 12:43 pm): hell’s, i believe _

_ Remus (thu, 12:44 pm): wow okay forget i asked _

_ Remus (thu, 12:45 pm): u must like him a lot if you’re being this mean to him _

_ Lily (thu, 12:47 pm): hey that’s sexist _

_ Remus (thu, 12:48 pm): fair enough, i will cease and desist but i retain ‘i told u so’ rights for later _

_ Lily (thu, 12:50 pm): hey while we’re on the subject, how’re things with your mysterious boy living in your phone? _

_ Remus (thu, 12:51 pm): sirius isn’t MY mysterious boy _

_ Lily (thu, 12:52 pm): mmhm _

_ Remus (thu, 12:52 pm): alright fair point anyway we’re hanging out tomorrow, it seems _

_ Lily (thu, 12:54 pm): oh???? how do we feel about this? _

_ Remus (thu, 12:55 pm): ,,,,,, ngl, p nervous _

_ Remus (thu, 12:56 pm): I Will No Longer Be Able To Pretend I’m Witty And Interesting _

_ Lily (thu, 12:56 pm): by fall out boy _

_ Remus (thu, 12:57 pm): okay, 2008 _

_ Lily (thu, 12:58 pm): ladfja see?? ur funny _

_ Lily (thu, 12:59 pm): and either way he’ll probably be too busy staring into ur eyes or some shit like that, u could forget to say anything for an hour and just get by on that face of urs _

_ Remus (thu, 1:01 pm): lily, believe me, i’m flattered, but i’m far too gay for u _

_ Lily (thu, 1:02 pm): i know, it’s really tragic :( _

_ Remus (thu, 1:03 pm): idk, i just, wanna see him and all, but it’s all so weird _

_ Remus (thu, 1:04 pm): hold up, i got a customer _

_ Remus (thu, 1:17 pm): lily it happened again _

_ Lily (thu, 1:19 pm): what did?? _

_ Remus (thu, 1:20 pm): a boy came in and hit on me _

_ Remus (thu, 1:21 pm): it was really surreal it was the whole movie scene where he asked for help and i helped him and i was like “anything else for you today?” all innocent and he went “just your number, if you’re willing to offer it” and i _

_ Lily (thu, 1:23 pm): !!!! did u give it to him? _

_ Remus (thu, 1:24 pm): ya i did, he put it in his phone before he left, he said he’d text me sometime _

_ Lily (thu, 1:25 pm): was he cute?? _

_ Remus (thu, 1:26 pm): ya actually, he was _

_ Remus (thu, 1:26 pm): idk, we’ll see what happens _

_ Remus (thu, 1:27 pm): it was just nice, it’s flattering, plus it’s good both to talk to another gay guy, however briefly, if that makes sense _

_ Lily (thu, 1:28 pm): it does! i’m happy for u! _

_ Lily (thu, 1:29 pm): wow, i look away for one second and suddenly u have all these men in your life, huh? _

_ Remus (thu, 1:31 pm): sirius is not a ‘man in my life’ _

_ Lily (thu, 1:32 pm): i mean i didn’t say anything about sirius but interesting u brought him up _

_ Remus (thu, 1:33 pm): i don’t deserve to be bullied like this :( _

_ Lily (thu, 1:35 pm): just stating facts, don’t mind me _

_ Lily (thu, 1:36 pm): i get it, ur not sure how u feel, take ur time _

_ Remus (thu, 1:38 pm): ya but i’m about to see him face to face so idk we’ll see _

_ Lily (thu, 1:40 pm): hey i believe in u, it’s gonna be great _

_ Lily (thu, 1:41 pm): ms. sprout’s getting onto me tho, talk later? _

_ Remus (thu, 1:42 pm): ya have fun, love u _

**Sirius (thu, 4:32 pm): remus i missed my true calling in life**

_ Remus (thu, 4:34 pm): last time somebody said that to me it was my dad, saying he should have been an accountant _

**Sirius (thu, 4:36 pm): that’s,,,,,**

**Sirius (thu, 4:37 pm): ya know what i’m not gonna judge, accounting is an important job, they help to demystify personal finances, an important thing for individuals to understand both for their own security and society’s and they make the economy more accessible to the working and middle class, despite tireless efforts of certain individuals to make it needlessly confusing for the average person that then may more easily be taken advantage of so hats off to your dad**

_ Remus (thu, 4:39 pm): are u trying to tell me accounting is punk rock? _

**Sirius (thu, 4:40 pm): yes there is value in any job that contributes to society and every single one of them is punk rock**

**Sirius (thu, 4:41 pm): which contradicts what i’m about to say**

**Sirius (thu, 4:41 pm): i should have dropped out of school and started a punk band**

_ Remus (thu, 4:42 pm): do you even play any instruments?? _

**Sirius (thu, 4:44 pm): no but i DO look hot in purple lipstick**

**Sirius (thu, 4:45 pm): [sent image]**

_ Remus (thu, 4:46 pm): sirius owning purple lipstick does not automatically qualify you to be a musician _

**Sirius (thu, 4:47 pm): no but looking THIS good in it does**

**Sirius (thu, 4:48 pm): i sent u evidence and everything, u can’t deny i look hot af in that selfie**

**Sirius (thu, 4:48 pm): it goes well with my leather jacket, doesn’t it?**

_ Remus (thu, 4:51 pm): no comment _

**Sirius (thu, 4:52 pm): coward**

_ Remus (thu, 4:54 pm): my personal opinion on matters such as purple lipstick and leather jackets is strictly classified information _

_ Remus (thu, 4:55 pm): lilllyyyyyyyyyyy _

_ Remus (thu, 4:56 pm): [sent image] _

_ Remus (thu, 4:56 pm): UGH fuck my lifeeeee how does he look so hot why do i have to deal with this what have i done to deserve this i am just a baby gay _

_ Lily (thu, 5:01 pm): oh lmao rip to u _

_ Remus (thu, 5:02 pm): anyway u know u could in fact still drop out of school to start a punk band, nothing is stopping u _

**Sirius (thu, 5:03 pm): ya but education is still punk rock :/**

_ Remus (thu, 5:05 pm): u could,,, start a punk band,,,, withOUT dropping out of school _

**Sirius (thu, 5:07 pm): doesn’t have the same energy**

**Sirius (thu, 5:08 pm): i’ll simply have to be a punk rock supporter of the arts,,,,,, which is just as metal**

_ Remus (thu, 5:10 pm): maybe the REAL counterculture,,,,, was the local artists we supported along the way,,,,,, _

**Sirius (thu, 5:11 pm): how the FUCK do u expect me not to fall in love with u**

_ Remus (thu, 5:12 pm): idk, maybe become a nun or smth _

_ Remus (thu, 5:13 pm): find the sole remaining brain cell u have that is not for thirsting purposes and make it king _

**Sirius (thu, 5:14 pm): lmaoooo u think i have brain cells left**

_ Remus (thu, 5:16 pm): u must have at least one dedicated to thinking about punk rock, or else u wouldn’t be galaxy braining so hard all the time _

_ Remus (thu, 5:18 pm): speaking of brain cells, how’d class go? _

**Sirius (thu, 5:21 pm): it was good, but slugbug made me reprint my essay :((**

**Sirius (thu, 5:22 pm): luckily minnie, my mom, was my next class and she said my hamlet essay was “admittedly exceptional” so that cheered me up :)**

**Sirius (thu, 5:22 pm): speaking of minnie tho, i have to go help her with her filing**

_ Remus (thu, 5:24 pm): bc she gave u detention? _

**Sirius (thu, 5:25 pm): bc she’s my mom and i love her**

**Sirius (thu, 5:25 pm): but yes, also bc she gave me detention**

_ Remus (thu, 5:26 pm): alkdfja okay have fun talk to you later _

  
  
  


_ Remus (thu, 9:12 pm): hey what’s the vibe check on me coming out to my dad? _

**Sirius (thu, 9:22 pm): well okay first question: do u think it’s safe?**

_ Remus (thu, 9:23 pm): yeah like i said the other day, it Should be fine _

**Sirius (thu, 9:24 pm): okay second question: do u feel like ur ready?**

_ Remus (thu, 9:25 pm): ya, i think so, like if i’ve made the decision i might need a few more days to sit with that or wait for the right moment but i’m ready for him to know _

**Sirius (thu, 9:26 pm): okay, and u want to?**

_ Remus (thu, 9:28 pm): ya, i do _

**Sirius (thu, 9:30 pm): then neat! i support you! i’m proud of u and here for u whatever happens!**

**Sirius (thu, 9:31 pm): i mean not that i wouldn’t have supported u if u answered no to any of those questions**

**Sirius (thu, 9:32 pm): it’s ur decision and all, u don’t need to meet any criteria**

**Sirius (thu, 9:32 pm): it’s not like i met the criteria lmao**

_ Remus (thu, 9:34 pm): oh?? do u? wanna talk about it? _ _   
_ **Sirius (thu, 9:36 pm): i mean it’s old history, my situation was just, Not safe and i was not really ready, i just got caught up in the heat of an argument**

**Sirius (thu, 9:37 pm): hence uuuhhh why i live with james and his family now**

_ Remus (thu, 9:38 pm): your family _

_ Remus (thu, 9:38 pm): you live with james and your family _

_ Remus (thu, 9:39 pm): i’m really sorry that happened tho, u deserve so much better _

_ Remus (thu, 9:40 pm): and thank u for telling me, u didn’t have to do that _

**Sirius (thu, 9:43 pm): thanks remus**

**Sirius (thu, 9:44 pm): i appreciate that**

**Sirius (thu, 9:44 pm): and btw this is in no way meant to discourage u!!!!! ur situation is different and i trust ur judgement!!!!**

_ Remus (thu, 9:45 pm): i know u didn’t mean it like that, don’t worry _

_ Remus (thu, 9:46 pm): question though- does talking about coming out upset you? because it absolutely makes sense if stirring up those memories is painful and we don’t have to talk about it, i can talk about it with lily and dorcas and it’ll be okay _

**Sirius (thu, 9:48 pm): no ur good it doesn’t upset me and i want to be here for u and know what’s going on in ur life, but i appreciate u checking :)**

_ Remus (thu, 9:50 pm): ya of course, i never wanna upset u _

_ Remus (thu, 9:51 pm): i uh, care about u and stuff _

**Sirius (thu, 9:52 pm): omg u have emotions????? how embarrassing for u**

**Sirius (thu, 9:53 pm): asdjafl jk expressing affection boldly without irony or distance is one of the most punk rock and countercultural things one can do so like i care about u too, ig, idk**

**Sirius (thu, 9:55 pm): remus ur so brave and smart and funny and kind and i am extremely lucky snivellus snape gave me the wrong number one day bc you’re an excellent friend and i’m glad ur in my life**

_ Remus (thu, 9:56 pm): oh shit turns out idk how to handle genuine affection i have to leave immediately _

_ Remus (thu, 9:57 pm): i uh,,,, also have feelings which relate to u but words are exteremely difficult for me, self professed english nerd, so u will have to wait 3-5 business days while their expression to properly loads _

_ Remus (thu, 9:59 pm): on an unrelated note that has nothing to do with me being flustered, i’m heading to sleep now, hope you have a good night _

**Sirius (thu, 10:01 pm): good night! hope i didn’t overstep anything and make u uncomfortable! sleep well!**

_ Remus (thu, 10:03 pm): u didn’t sirius, i promise :) ur sweet and i appreciate it _

_ Remus (thu, 10:04 pm): night nerd _

**Sirius (thu, 10:05 pm): night remus**


	14. Friday: A Tough Guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which we meet at fortescue's, and we walk home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, so, it's ur bitch, back after 6 months
> 
> sorry about the delay but true to my word, this fic is going to be finished. i wrote most of this fic last summer and i simply could not find the time to write the rest of it until summer came around again. i have the next few chapters written and should be returning to posting each weekend from here on out. you'll notice i changed the chapter count- it was more important to me that i felt confident in my ability to finish the story for y'all than to have the lengthier slow burn i intended, so things might move a bit fast from here, but on the bright side, we're in for some exciting chapters. 
> 
> i want to thank you all for reading and for leaving such sweet comments, you guys are such a source of joy in my life :) i hope you like the rest of the fic and that every single one of you is happy, healthy, and safe.

**Sirius (fri, 10:07 am): hey do you still wanna hang out tonight?**

**Sirius (fri, 10:08 am): it’s chill if no, I just wanted to check in**

_ Remus (fri, 10:31 am): ya no that sounds great, i’m still in if u are _

_ Remus (fri, 10:32 am): u said the milkshake place in hogsmeade, right? you mean fortescue’s?  _

**Sirius (fri, 10:35 am): yeah! maybe i meet you there at like 6?**

_ Remus (fri, 10:36 am): sounds like a plan :) _

_ Remus (fri, 10:37 am): lily says hello, btw _

**Sirius (fri, 10:39 am): lily!!!!!!!!! my queen!! the light of my life!!!!! **

**Sirius (fri, 10:40 am): she has my number tho she definitely could tell me hello herself**

_ Lily (fri, 10:42 am): hello, jackass _

**Sirius (fri, 10:43 am): lily!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Sirius (fri, 10:44 am): wow i love u**

**Sirius (fri, 10:44 am): <3**

**Sirius (fri, 10:45 am): truly blessed to be acknowledged by a goddess**

_ Lily (fri, 10:46 am): yeah you really are _

_ Lily (fri, 10:47 am): this is ONLY because of the team moony pact, this is a strict alliance over the mutual interest in remus’ welfare _

_ Lily (fri, 10:48 am): speaking of, you’re taking him out tonight? _

**Sirius (fri, 10:49 am): we’re planning on hanging out, yeah**

_ Lily (fri, 10:50 am): alright well don’t be a weirdo or a creep and also don’t break his heart _

**Sirius (fri, 10:51 am): We’re Just Friends but okay i promise**

_ Lily (fri, 10:53 am): great now stop distracting him from his history homework, that's an order as the captain of team moony _

**Sirius (fri, 10:54 am): yes ma'am**

_ Remus (fri, 3:36 pm): hey how's your day going? _

**Sirius (fri, 3:42 pm): good, just getting my packing done**

_ Remus (fri, 3:44 pm): oh?? packing? _

**Sirius (fri, 3:45 pm): oh wack have i not mentioned?**

**Sirius (fri, 3:46 pm): ya james and i are going home for diwali tomorrow morning**

_ Remus (fri, 3:48 pm): oh neat!!!! i hope y'all have a good time!! _

**Sirius (fri, 3:49 pm): yeah!!!! we always do with mum and dad**

**Sirius (fri, 3:49 pm): we’ll be gone for a week, we’ve been busy getting ahead on work for the past few days**

**Sirius (fri, 3:51 pm): i truly understand the life of an academic now, the bags under my eyes store Knowledge and Wisdom and also The Weight Of Several Worlds**

**Sirius (fri, 3:52 pm): i’m basically socrates**

**Sirius (fri, 3:53 pm): wait do we like socrates?? or is he one of those weird and shitty philosophers**

**Sirius (fri, 3:54 pm): i don’t have the patience to look it up so fuck that noise, i am not a long dead thinker, i am my own person and my legacy compares to none, my dedication to knowledge is unprecedented**

_ Remus (fri, 3:58 pm): yes, nobody has ever had to actually do schoolwork before you, not anybody in all of history, you’re the first one _

_ Remus (fri, 3:59 pm): and for that reason we’re formally crowning you ‘very smart boy’ and putting you in charge of all of the earth _

**Sirius (fri, 4:02 pm): fantastic, step one, anybody with more than a billion dollars legally has to pool their money to solve hunger and housing insecurity, provide adequate healthcare, and make college free and also solve the whole environment situation**

**Sirius (fri, 4:03 pm): step two, bring folk dancing back, idk, it seems neat, i think it should be in style again**

**Sirius (fri, 4:04 pm): it’s about the stompy music and community recreation**

**Sirius (fri, 4:04 pm): step three, cute boys named remus should post more selfies because, i, personally, would like to see them**

_ Remus (fri, 4:06 pm): not fair that’s targeting _

_ Remus (fri, 4:07 pm): that’s definitely an abuse of power _

_ Remus (fri, 4:08 pm): besides, you’re gonna actually see me in a few hours, that’s like the equivalent of a thousand selfies _

**Sirius (fri, 4:10 pm): !!!!!! that’s right!**

**Sirius (fri, 4:11 pm): man, i’m excited to hang out with you irl**

_ Remus (fri, 4:13 pm): me too! and to see marlene and dorcas meet _

**Sirius (fri, 4:14 pm): we’re really such good friends to be doing this**

**Sirius (fri, 4:15 pm): the sacrifice involved**

**Sirius (fri, 4:15 pm): can’t believe i have to hang out with the funniest and smartest and cutest guy in the world, but such is the price of setting my friend up with the love of her life**

_ Remus (fri, 4:18 pm): ya i’m sure this is gonna be really hard for u _

_ Remus (fri, 4:19 pm): i’ll try to tone it down a bit for u, maybe spill milkshake on myself or something, just so you can keep your wits about you _

**Sirius (fri, 4:20 pm): i appreciate that, thanks for looking out for me remus**

**Sirius (fri, 4:21 pm): speaking of, i should start getting ready**

_ Remus (fri, 4:22 pm): thought we weren’t meeting up til 6? _

**Sirius (fri, 4:24 pm): ya but my hair has to be perfect and that can in fact take an hour**

_ Remus (fri, 4:25 pm): is2g _

_ Remus (fri, 4:26 pm): see u soon beauty queen _

**Sirius (fri, 4:29 pm): james he called me a beauty queen what do u think that means**

**Sirius (fri, 4:30 pm): i mean i am beautiful and i am a queen but what does it MEAN**

James (fri, 4:31 pm): it means if u get liquid eyeliner all over ur shirt again i’m sending him pictures

_ Remus (fri, 5:47 pm): heading out now, looking forward to seeing you :) _

Sirius had always had a certain fondness for places like this, the sort of businesses that offered something cheap but mood-improving like tea or ice cream or whatever the thing was and a place to be for long periods of time, to think or work or hang out with your friends or just get out of the house. Especially when you grew up in the sort of house that was not a home, places like these served as a bout of peace and a sliver of what a home might feel like. And beyond any melodramatic ponderings, the seats were sparkly and Sirius thought that was neat. 

“So when’s your boy getting here?” Marlene said this leaning on the counter with one hand and wiping it down with a rag with the other hand. She was smiling in a way that suggested she knew exactly how picturesque she looked and exactly how Sirius would respond.

“He’s not  _ my _ boy. He’s just  _ a _ boy. A nice boy. With a good face. Who happens to be funny. Which is important in a friend. Which is what he is. Anyway, he’s getting here at six.”

“Cool, so not for,” Marlene checks her watch, “fifteen minutes. So you can take your eyes off the door for a few seconds, yeah?”

“Excuse you, I’m keeping vigilant watch for your own safety. There’s no bouncer in this establishment.”

“We’re a milkshake bar, not a nightclub.”

“What if a scuffle breaks out? What will you do then?”

“A scuffle?”

“It’s a rough and tumble world out there, Marlene. You need a real tough guy to keep the peace in this distinguished place of business.”

A voice that was decidedly not Marlene spoke from behind him, “A real tough guy, huh? Well if I see one anywhere I’ll be sure to let them know.”

Sirius spun around in his chair and looked up, and suddenly his stomach had no bottom to it. He was quite certain he was going to be overwhelmed with the sensation of falling for the rest of eternity, in defiance of all physics. All this to say- Remus looked nice. Very nice.

“You look nice,” Sirius said, right as Remus was beginning to say the same thing. 

“Oh, uh, thanks,” Remus ran his hands through his hair with a laugh.

Sirius laughed along with him, with a bit of shake to his voice, “Thank  _ you _ , although, you did steal my line, so fuck you for that, I suppose.”

Remus put his hands in his pockets with a smile, “I don’t think you invented telling someone they look nice.”

“Damnit, I was hoping you hadn’t heard it before and I could pass it off as my own.”

“Well, you almost fooled me,” said Remus, “but unfortunately for you, my neighbor, Ms. Benton, who is eighty-two, has already informed me that I clean up _ very _ well, so you’ve lost that edge.”

Before the more sensible parts of Sirius’ brain could chime in, he said, “Fuck, you already know you’re cute, that makes this so much harder.”

But to his relief, Remus just laughed, “My apologies for having self-esteem.”

“Yeah honestly you don’t have to go so hard on the whole being cool and confident thing, I’m already gay, I promise I can’t get any gayer.”

“You can’t?” Remus took a step closer, “Coward. I get gayer every day.”

Remus laughed and Sirius laughed and behind Sirius, Marlene coughed rather pointedly, so Remus looked up.

“Oh,” Remus blushed a bit and then took in Marlene’s leather jacket and various piercings, “Look at that, Sirius, I found a tough guy.” Remus stuck his hand out towards Marlene, which she grudgingly shook, “You must be Marlene,” he said.

“And you’re Remus,” Marlene smiled like she was in on a joke nobody else was, “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Sirius jumped in rather quickly to add, “Not a whole lot.”

To which Marlene pointedly replied, “So how do you like working at the record shop, Remus?”

Remus laughed a bit awkwardly and ran his hands through his hair, “I like it fine. It’s quiet, my boss is nice. Not too much more I can ask for. How do you like working at a milkshake bar?”

“It’s pretty good,” Marlene shrugged, “There aren’t morning shifts, tips are nice, every now and then there’s a cute-” Marlene trailed off, distracted by the door opening. In came Dorcas, with braided hair and a long skirt, “girl,” Marlene finished, still looking at Dorcas. 

Remus waved her over, “Dorcas! I’m glad you made it! This is Sirius, you know about him, and this is his friend Marlene.”

“Good to finally meet you, Sirius,” Dorcas said, sliding up onto a barstool, “And you, Marlene.”

Marlene got four glasses out from underneath the counter, “Trust me,” she said, “the pleasure’s all mine.”

  
  
  


If Remus had been worried he wouldn’t be as charming in person, or perhaps that Sirius wouldn’t, those fears promptly went away as the night began. There was hardly any room to think between listening to his friends' stories and telling his own. He was so busy laughing he forgot to feel nervous, he just felt  _ good _ . Before he’d even thought to check the time, Marlene’s shift was over and she was inviting Dorcas to take a walk with her. They left in such a hurry that Remus barely managed to say goodbye as Dorcas was already one foot out the door. 

“Well, I suppose that just leaves us,” the way Sirius smiled as he said it made Remus’ stomach fall to his toes.

“I suppose it does. Which is good, considering it means our plan worked perfectly.”

“Plan?” Sirius looked confused until Remus gestured towards the door, where the girls had just left. Sirius grinned, “Ah, yes, that plan. The reason we’re here tonight.”

Remus laughed, “Definitely the only reason.”

“Strictly for scheming purposes”

“Really,” Remus added, “it was more of a business meeting than anything.”

This made Sirius laugh for far longer than necessary, which, in turn, made Remus feel like king of the entire world, or at least a significant portion of it. Except even better because imperialism, Remus figured, was not very punk rock at all, but making Sirius Black laugh was perhaps the most punk rock thing to ever be discovered. 

Eventually, Sirius began to breathe again.

“So,” he said, “Can I walk you home?”

  
  


The last of the sun had gone by the time Remus and Sirius set out onto the night, leaving only the small sprinkling of stars that could be seen in town. They walked along, Sirius guiding his bike beside him, Remus with his hands in his pockets, talking about Sirius' upcoming visit to the Potter's and the movie Remus watched last night, and a long procession of topics that did not matter, except that they allowed for each to hear the other's voice.

Sirius took his right hand off the handlebar briefly, in order to imitate Professor McGonagall waving her finger at him in her most menacing way, and as his hand fell to his side with their laughter, it brushed up against Remus’, his fingertips catching the sides of Remus’ fingers, which suddenly felt quite electrified.

Remus quickly stopped laughing and shoved his hands back in his pockets, hastily looking off in the other direction, hoping to give the impression he was deeply interested in the autumn leaves, and not hiding any sort of blush creeping into his face. He breathed deeply as his pulse slowly reset itself and the charged feeling in his fingers faded. Remus had been so nervous about tonight, that he would be awkward and dull and Sirius would quickly realize that he had been mistaken, this mysterious boy in his phone was not a real person at all, or at least not one worth his time, and that would be the end of that. But miraculously, he had managed to be normal the whole night. He  _ felt _ normal. He was increasingly suspicious that he, in fact,  _ was _ normal, or at least as much as anyone really can be. He was _ not _ going to blow it by being weird about Sirius accidentally bumping into him. 

He glanced over to his left, to see if Sirius had noticed, and saw that Sirius had a bit of pink lining the top of his cheeks that hadn’t been there before.

Suddenly, the sky felt a whole lot bigger. 

_ Remus (fri, 11:02 pm): hey, i had a really great time with you tonight _

**Sirius (fri, 11:04 pm): so did i :) thanks for hanging out with me, and thanks for letting me walk you home**

_ Remus (fri, 11:05 pm): thanks for walking me home :) _

**Sirius (fri, 11:05 pm): things just**

**Sirius (fri, 11:05 pm): feel really easy with you**

**Sirius (fri, 11:06 pm): in a good way**

**Sirius (fri, 11:06 pm): like it’s not hard to be myself and be relaxed and be happy**

_ Remus (fri, 11:07 pm): yeah _

_ Remus (fri, 11:08 pm): it really does _

_ Remus (fri, 11:08 pm): you, uh _

_ Remus (fri, 11:09 pm): you make me feel really confident, and like, comfortable _

_ Remus (fri, 11:09 pm): which believe me, is a rare feeling _

_ Remus (fri, 11:10 pm): so uh, thanks, ig _

**Sirius (fri, 11:11 pm): thank you too, remus**

**Sirius (fri, 11:12 pm): ANYway**

**Sirius (fri, 11:12 pm): i gotta get up early tomorrow so i have no more time for tenderness**

**Sirius (fri, 11:12 pm): i hope you sleep well, remus**

**Sirius (fri, 11:13 pm): sweet dreams**

_ Remus (fri, 11:13 pm): i think saying ‘sweet dreams’ is inherently kinda tender _

**Sirius (fri, 11:14 pm): i don’t need your antagonization**

**Sirius (fri, 11:14 pm): good night to you, my local bully (the hot kind of bully)**

_ Remus (fri, 11:15 pm): really confused about what’s going on in your life to make you think there’s a hot kind of bully but anyway _

_ Remus (fri, 11:16 pm): goodnight, sirius _

_ Remus (fri, 11:17 pm): sweet dreams _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope y'all liked the chapter!! obviously, as they know each other irl now, there's gonna be a few more in-person scenes but it's still gonna be a text fic.
> 
> also, the romantic endeavor i first mentioned back in chapter ten is now my boyfriend and once we watched the movies together he immediately began doing the lord's work of writing marauders era fanfiction with trans characters and you can find him at [MercuryShep](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercuryShep/pseuds/MercuryShep) if you're a person of taste who might be interested in that
> 
> i want!! to know how y'all are doing!! and what you've been up to these past few months!! lmk in the comments?? i love y'all 
> 
> ((also if you've seen shera season 5 PLEASE lmk i wanna talk about it))


	15. Saturday: The Beefiest Heart In Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which we go to the potter's for diwali

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for heavy allusions to child abuse in this chapter, as always, nothing graphic and only happy endings
> 
> this is the chapter where i straight up forgot i was writing a muggle au and wrote a whole chapter talking about quidditch and magical mischief before realizing and rewriting

James (sat, 4:31 am): hey buddy?

James (sat, 4:31 am): i don’t mean to alarm u

James (sat, 4:31 am): and i don’t wanna wake u up

James (sat, 4:32 am): but there is in fact a bit of a situation outside our door

James (sat, 4:33 am): so, ya know, if you wanted to check that out when u get a chance

**Sirius (sat, 5:12 am): y is regulus sleeping outside our door?**

James (sat, 5:13 am): unclear, i found him there when i went to the kitchens for a snack around 4

**Sirius (sat, 5:13 am): he isn’t even supposed to be on campus, i thought he went home yesterday for his birthday**

James (sat, 5:13 am): we can’t know until u wake him up

**Sirius (sat, 5:13 am): i don’t wanna wake him up, u wake him up**

James (sat, 5:14 am): me? y should i wake him up?

**Sirius (sat, 5:14 am): well what if he’s here to beat me up?**

James (sat, 5:14 am): he’s 15

**Sirius (sat, 5:14 am): ur the one that calls me the stick man**

James (sat, 5:14 am): if u practiced football w me even like, ONCE like i’m always asking u to then maybe that wouldn’t be a problem

**Sirius (sat, 5:15 am): genuinely, i could not be LESS concerned about ur pouty face rn when my brother is ominously sleeping on the floor outside our dorm, now wake him up**

James (sat, 5:15 am): he’s your brother, u do it

**Sirius (sat, 5:15 am): no, u**

James (sat, 5:16 am): sirius

**Sirius (sat, 5:52 am): hey marlene, i need a favor**

Marlene (sat, 5:54 am): what makes u think i’m up at 6am???????

**Sirius (sat, 5:55 am): fantastic so here’s the sitch**

**Sirius (sat, 5:56 am): regulus went back to our parents’ house for his birthday yesterday**

**Sirius (sat, 5:56 am): it went poorly**

Marlene (sat, 5:56 am): oh shit, i’m so sorry, is he okay?

**Sirius (sat, 5:56 am): yeah he’ll be alright, and he’s not going back there again**

Marlene (sat, 5:56 am): oh? like for good?

**Sirius (sat, 5:57 am): for good**

Marlene (sat, 5:57 am): thank god

**Sirius (sat, 5:57 am): so here’s what we need from u**

**Sirius (sat, 5:58 am): u didn’t break emma vanity’s heart, did u?**

Marlene (sat, 5:58 am): no we’re still on good terms

**Sirius (sat, 5:58 am): ur a queen, that’s our way in**

Marlene (sat, 5:58 am): in?

**Sirius (sat, 5:58 am): regulus needs to get some stuff from his rooms, but he’s afraid word’s already gotten around about what happened, he’s not exactly on the best of terms with his roommates rn**

**Sirius (sat, 5:59 am): we need somebody to clear the dorm out for him and i know vanity shares a common room with him**

Marlene (sat, 5:59 am): ya okay i can get into the common room but how am i supposed to clear out the dorm?

**Sirius (sat, 5:59 am): james and i have a whole stockpile of stink bombs, plus some face masks if u want**

Marlene (sat, 5:59 am): dear god, ur lucky this is for a good cause

Marlene (sat, 5:59 am): and yes, i will be wanting one of those facemasks

Marlene (sat, 6:00 am): are u sure it’ll be strong enough to wake them all up through the door?

**Sirius (sat, 6:00 am): oh it’ll be strong enough, trust me**

Marlene (sat, 6:00 am): lord, have mercy

James (sat, 6:34 am): hey we’re gonna be a little late

James (sat, 6:35 am): also, we’re going to have regulus with us

Euphemia Potter (sat, 6:36 am): okay, what kind of tea does he like?

**Sirius (sat, 7:03 am): sluggie’s coming, eta 3 minutes, do u have everything u need?**

Regulus (sat, 7:04 am): Dear God, what hell-demon gave you the idea for this abominable stench?

Regulus (sat, 7:04 am): And yes, I just finished. I am on my way out now.

**Sirius (sat, 7:04 am): ur welcome, and hurry**

**Sirius (sat, 8:15 am): good morning angel**

**Sirius (sat, 8:16 am): most beautiful boy in the whole world**

**Sirius (sat, 8:16 am): soft light on a beflowered meadow**

_ Remus (sat, 9:34 am): beflowered is definitely not a word _

**Sirius (sat, 9:47 am): no but DEflowered is**

**Sirius (sat, 9:47 am): ;)**

_ Remus (sat, 9:48 am): ur a virgin _

_ Remus (sat, 9:48 am): and what did i tell u about the winky faces _

**Sirius (sat, 9:52 am): a resounding no**

_ Remus (sat, 9:53 am): that’s right, and i have james’ number and now that i’ve seen y’all i know for a FACT he can beat u up _

**Sirius (sat, 9:54 am): hey!!!!**

**Sirius (sat, 9:54 am): i have muscles**

**Sirius (sat, 9:54 am): they are simply,,,,,, hidden**

_ Remus (sat, 9:56 am): where? _

**Sirius (sat, 9:56 am): in my heart**

**Sirius (sat, 9:57 am): i have the beefiest heart in town**

_ Remus (sat, 9:57 am): from a medical standpoint, i’m horrified _

**Sirius (sat, 9:57 am): but from a personal standpoint?????**

_ Remus (sat, 9:58 am): ,,,,, ur cute _

**Sirius (sat, 9:59 am): FUCK yeah i knew it**

_ Remus (sat, 10:01 am): trust me, we all knew u knew it _

**Sirius (sat, 10:02 am): my big beefy heart can deadlift a lot of self-love**

**Sirius (sat, 10:02 am): it does squats of affirmation**

**Sirius (sat, 10:03 am): curl ups of confidence**

_ Remus (sat, 10:05 am): are u done? _

**Sirius (sat, 10:05 am): ya i ran out of exercise terms**

**Sirius (sat, 10:06 am): anyway i won’t be on my phone a lot today bc family time**

**Sirius (sat, 10:06 am): but uuh thought i should let you know that regulus is here with us**

_ Remus (sat, 10:06 am): he is? are you okay? is he okay? _

**Sirius (sat, 10:07 am): yeah everyone’s safe and okay, i’ll tell you more about it tonight?**

_ Remus (sat, 10:07 am): absolutely _

_ Remus (sat, 10:07 am): i hope you have a good day with your family, sirius _

**Sirius (sat, 10:07 am): thanks, i hope you have a great day too :)**

  
  


**Sirius (sat, 11:26 pm): hey moonbeam how was your day??**

_ Remus (sat, 11:32 pm): it was nice!! i read a new book i'd been looking forward to reading and grabbed coffee with dorcas and made dinner with my dad _

_ Remus (sat, 11:33 pm): dorcas was v shady about how the rest of the night went for her _

_ Remus (sat, 11:33 pm): i asked her what time she got home and she was like "early enough" _

_ Remus (sat, 11:33 pm): she had some p damning evidence on her neck tho ,,,,,, _

**Sirius (sat, 11:34 pm): dear lord that was fast**

**Sirius (sat, 11:34 pm): marlene's raw powers of sapphic attraction,,,,, off the charts**

**Sirius (sat, 11:35 pm): we've been talking for two weeks and i got nervous when we like, brushed hands on accident, lmao**

**Sirius (sat, 11:35 pm): meanwhile marlene is just out here meeting girls lesbianing with them on the same night**

**Sirius (sat, 11:36 pm): i mean it's different obviously bc we're friends**

**Sirius (sat, 11:36 pm): i got nervous in like a bro way**

**Sirius (sat, 11:36 pm): for heterosexual reasons**

**Sirius (sat, 11:37 pm): sorry I promise I'm not trying to be weird**

_ Remus (sat, 11:38 pm): no no it's okay _

_ Remus (sat, 11:39 pm): i uuhhh got nervous too, lmao _

_ Remus (sat, 11:39 pm): in a bro way of course _

**Sirius (sat, 11:39 pm): of course**

**Sirius (sat, 11:39 pm): so anyway**

_ Remus (sat, 11:42 pm): anyway? _

**Sirius (sat, 11:42 pm): oh i didn't have anything I was just really hoping you would change the subject for me**

_ Remus (sat, 11:42 pm): alfhalfhakd _

_ Remus (sat, 11:42 pm): why don't you tell me about your day? _

_ Remus (sat, 11:43 pm): i missed getting to talk to u today, but i'm glad u got to spend time w ur family _

**Sirius (sat, 11:43 pm): wow u missed me???? that's v tender of u mr. 'three to five business days to load affection'**

_Remus (sat,_ _11:43 pm): has it not been 3 business days?_

**Sirius (sat, 11:44 pm): well it's the weekend, so no**

_ Remus (sat, 11:44 pm): here in the braincell office we work 7 days a week to ensure quality and timely service _

**Sirius (sat, 11:44 pm): damn ur braincells work 7 days a week???? i'm lucky if mine work 1,,,, their union is a beast**

_ Remus (sat, 11:45 pm): anti union?? not v punk rock of u _

**Sirius (sat, 11:45 pm): i know,,,,, all this time i was fighting against the man,,,, but all along,,,, deep inside i've known,,,, i AM the man**

_ Remus (sat, 11:45 pm): okay fight club _

**Sirius (sat, 11:45 pm): has anybody ever actually seen that movie?? or do we all just reference it bc other people referenced it to us first?**

_ Remus (sat, 11:46 pm): i assume film majors have seen it _

**Sirius (sat, 11:46 pm): film majors don't count**

_ Remus (sat, 11:46 pm): like as in for the purposes of this thought experiment or just generally as people?? _

**Sirius (sat, 11:46 pm): don't play dumb with me, u and i both know the truth**

_ Remus (sat, 11:46 pm): literally I just asked how ur day was _

**Sirius (sat, 11:47 pm): oh it was nice! i like getting to spend time w my family**

**Sirius (sat, 11:47 pm): including regulus, now, it would seem**

**Sirius (sat, 11:47 pm): he has uh, left our parent's house. for good.**

_ Remus (sat, 11:48 pm): oh _

_ Remus (sat, 11:48 pm): wow _

_ Remus (sat, 11:48 pm): that's good? _

**Sirius (sat, 11:48 pm): that's good**

**Sirius (sat, 11:48 pm): i dont really know what's gonna happen from here but for the week he's staying here at the Potter's w james and i**

_ Remus (sat, 11:48 pm): how is he doing? _

**Sirius (sat, 11:49 pm): he seems okay, but he hasn't talked about it that much**

**Sirius (sat, 11:49 pm): he's grown up to be p stoic so it's hard to tell w him**

**Sirius (sat, 11:49 pm): i can tell he's a little shy about the potter's but i was at first too**

**Sirius (sat, 11:49 pm): suffice to say, the vibes are a little different here than they are at our parents house**

**Sirius (sat, 11:50 pm): it takes some getting used to**

_ Remus (sat, 11:50 pm): that makes sense _

_ Remus (sat, 11:50 pm): how are you doing? _

**Sirius (sat, 11:50 pm): alright, i think**

**Sirius (sat, 11:51 pm): i knew something was going on with him so in a weird way it's better now that i understand and can help him**

**Sirius (sat, 11:51 pm): but it's all still weird and scary, ya know?**

_ Remus (sat, 11:51 pm): that makes sense _

_ Remus (sat, 11:51 pm): i know you'll be okay though, both of you _

**Sirius (sat, 11:52 pm): thanks, remus**

**Sirius (sat, 11:52 pm): i've been thinking of u a lot today**

_ Remus (sat, 11:52 pm): yeah? _

**Sirius (sat, 11:52 pm): yeah**

**Sirius (sat, 11:53 pm): you just make me smile a lot**

**Sirius (sat, 11:53 pm): i missed getting to talk to you too, even if i was enjoying the time with my family**

_ Remus (sat, 11:53 pm): wow u missed me?? that's p embarrassing, bud _

_ Remus (sat, 11:54 pm): anyway my eyes are DROOPY so i have to sleep now _

_ Remus (sat, 11:54 pm): but i'm proud of you for getting through today and i know you'll do the same tomorrow _

_ Remus (sat, 11:54 pm): sweet dreams _

**Sirius (sat, 11:55 pm): thank you, moonbeam**

**Sirius (sat, 11:55 pm): sweet dreams**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway happy pride month, stonewall was a riot in response to police brutality, and it was led by black and brown transgender women, black lives matter and i hope we're all doing what we can, listening, learning, and staying safe. here's the[link to donate to the naacp](https://secure.actblue.com/donate/naacp-1)
> 
> i love u all!! sorry i'm being slow at responding to comments, this week's been a lot, but i love talking to everyone!
> 
> hope u enjoyed the chapter!


	16. Sunday: The Super Secret Project

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which we bake a cake, put up posters, and make some decisions

_ Remus (sun, 9:25 am): morning!  _

_ Remus (sun, 9:25 am): i am,,,,,,, yearning _

**Sirius (sun, 9:34 am): oh???? for what?**

_ Remus (sun, 9:36 am): to be the apprentice of a blacksmith gently pining after a knight i grew up with who visits me in his spare few hours under the moonlight despite his ever increasing responsibilities, meanwhile the blacksmith says i am like a son to him and he casually insinuates in conversation one night that he too was gay once and he knows about me and the knight and supports me and thinks i’ll make a promising blacksmith and i feel the full force of tenderness in contrast to his outwardly gruff demeanor _

_ Remus (sun, 9:38 am): or to be a corduroy and elbow patch clad intellectual in the industrial revolution carrying leather suitcases on speeding trains and smiling at young men in newsboy caps working on new powerlines, writing overly affectionate letters to a man i only met once, on a hot summer night at a garden party where we connected but that very same night he had to go on his way to work in a distant land so we communicate only in written correspondence _

_ Remus (sun, 9:41 am): OR to a sheep farmer in the hills, rising before the sun and brewing tea in a tiny but clean kitchen and laying in the field for hours, staring at the clouds, feeling a great sense of destiny set in as i pet the youngest of my lambs and climb trees, knowing any day now things will change, bc i secretly possess prophetic abilities and have my whole life, and i will be happy then as i am now _

_ Remus (sun, 9:43 am): anything along those lines, really _

**Sirius (sun, 9:44 am): is it too early in the morning for me to say ‘how do u expect me not to fall in love with you??’????**

_ Remus (sun, 9:45 am): i feel like that’s an appropriately dramatic response to some very dramatic texts _

**Sirius (sun, 9:45 am): remus**

**Sirius (sun, 9:45 am): how on earth am i supposed to avoid falling in love with you**

_ Remus (sun, 9:49 am): you changed it up _

**Sirius (sun, 9:49 am): felt it added to the drama**

_ Remus (sun, 9:50 am): it did _

_ Remus (sun, 9:52 am): anyway what are u up to today _

**Sirius (sun, 9:53 am): baking a cake! we’re gonna celebrate regulus’ birthday today**

**Sirius (sun, 9:53 am): mum is also baking a SHITTON of food for tomorrow and for delivering to friends, but she still said we had to make a cake for him so the kitchen is v chaotic right now**

**Sirius (sun, 9:54 am): but anyway on the note of apprenticeships i am going to securely attach myself to mum’s side until she imparts upon me the secrets of the universe and also baking and i am going to become the second best chef there ever was and then my power will be unstoppable**

**Sirius (sun, 9:54 am): how about u, what are u up to?**

_ Remus (sun, 9:56 am): i have an idea i’ve been turning over in my head for a few days so i’m going to visit the library to see if it’s possible, i think _

**Sirius (sun, 9:56 am): !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what’s the idea???????**

_ Remus (sun, 9:57 am): classified, but if it works out maybe i’ll tell u _

**Sirius (sun, 9:57 am): i simply cannot resist a man of mystery**

_ Remus (sun, 9:57 am): ah, that explains why ur obsessed w me _

_ Remus (sun, 10:26 am): not sure if u got busy w baking things or if i flustered u so bad the great sirius black is finally rendered speechless _

**Sirius (sun, 10:29 am): wouldn’t u like to know**

**Sirius (sun, 10:29 am): anyway mum and james just went to go deliver the food they made and i miss them already**

  
  


**Sirius (sun, 10:30 am): james come back i miss u**

**James (sun, 10:30 am): we’re literally still in the driveway u ninny**

**James (sun, 10:31 am): have fun decorating the cake, we’ll be back soon**

**Sirius (sun, 10:31 am): fine but i’m gonna beat dad at chess while ur gone**

**James (sun, 10:31 am): no ur not**

**Sirius (sun, 10:31 am): no i’m not**

  
  


_ Remus (sun, 11:15 am): lily _

_ Remus (sun, 11:15 am): it got approved _

_ Lily (sun, 11:17 am):!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _

_ Remus (sun, 11:18 am): i’m printing posters now, could u help me put them up? _

_ Lily (sun, 11:18 am): fuck ya i needed an adventure today, i’ll be there in 20 _

_ Remus (sun, 11:19 am): i owe u a blood debt, my eternal queen _

_ Remus (sun, 11:19 am): i’ve also recruited dorcas, so you’ll get to meet her if you want _

_ Lily (sun, 11:20 am): fucking finally _

**Sirius (sun, 11:50 am): [sent image]**

**Sirius (sun, 11:50 am): remus tell me this isn’t the most beautiful cake u’ve ever seen**

_ Remus (sun, 11:54 am): i can’t, all credit to you, that’s the best cake in all the lands _

**Sirius (sun, 11:55 am): truly i am an artist of skill unprecedented in my times**

_ Remus (sun, 11:55 am): truly, a master of the arts _

_ Remus (sun, 11:55 am): mrs. potter has taught u well, it seems _

**Sirius (sun, 11:56 am): her mere presence radiates wisdom and skill, which mortals such as myself absorb through osmosis**

_ Remus (sun, 11:56 am): actually osmosis specifically refers to the transfer of water, i believe the word you’re looking for was diffusion _

**Sirius (sun, 11:56 am): excuse u, ur an english nerd, u can’t dip into science nerd territory, stay in ur lane**

_ Remus (sun, 11:57 am): what is this, high school musical? _

**Sirius (sun, 11:57 am): once again, never saw it**

_ Remus (sun, 11:57 am): have u ever seen any instance in which pictures were displayed in rapid succession to simulate movement, overlayed by recorded sound?? _

**Sirius (sun, 11:57 am): no sir i’ve never seen such witchcraft in my life, if i did, i would immediately report it to the local priest**

**Sirius (sun, 11:58 am): anyhow osmosis sounds cooler**

_ Remus (sun, 11:58 am): ,,,,,,, ya know that’s valid actually _

**Sirius (sun, 12:00 pm): i’m always valid**

**Sirius (sun, 12:00 pm): what’re u up to?**

_ Remus (sun, 12:00 pm): walking around town putting up some posters for the top secret project _

_ Remus (sun, 12:00 pm): it’s actually really nice out today, i’m enjoying getting to walk around town and be and think and such _

**Sirius (sun, 12:01 pm): having thoughts?? what’s that like?**

**Sirius (sun, 12:01 pm): also!!! i want!!! to know what the top secret project is!!!!!!**

_ Remus (sun, 12:02 pm): u’ll never find out, i’ll take it to the grave _

**Sirius (sun, 12:02 pm): i have ways of getting u to talk**

_ Remus (sun, 12:02 pm): i think u will find it particularly difficult to inflict effective torture upon me through the phone _

**Sirius (sun, 12:03 pm): ;)**

**Sirius (sun, 12:03 pm): ;)**

**Sirius (sun, 12:03 pm): ;)**

**Sirius (sun, 12:03 pm): ;)**

**Sirius (sun, 12:03 pm): ;)**

**Sirius (sun, 12:03 pm): ;)**

**Sirius (sun, 12:04 pm): ;)**

**Sirius (sun, 12:04 pm): ;)**

**Sirius (sun, 12:04 pm): ;)**

**Sirius (sun, 12:04 pm): ;)**

**[Incoming Call From: ** ** _mystery boy who lives in my phone_ ** **]**

_ [passing cars, muffled laughter] _

_ “Okay, okay, you can stop now.” _

**“You’ll tell me?”**

_ “Yeah, I’ll tell you, you wore me down.” _

**“That’s my specialty, baby!”**

_ [soft, startled noise] _

**“Remus? You okay?”**

_ “Yeah, yeah I’m fine, I just . . . saw a bird . . . But anyway, I don’t think wearing people down is a specialty to be particularly proud of.” _

**“If I wanted to be a lobbyist, it would be a great specialty.”**

_ “Do you want to be a lobbyist?” _

**“No, but like if I DID.”**

_ “Whatever you say, sweetheart.” _

**[loud squawking noise]**

_ “Sirius? What was that? _

**"Oh, nothing, it's fine, I just, saw, ya know, a really big . . . Bug. Huge fucker, really. Anyway, what's the super secret project?"**

_ “Oh, okay, so I, um- well it’s really not that big of a deal.” _

**“I won’t hesitate to send more winky faces.”**

_ [soft laugh] _

_ “Alright fine, I started a queer group at the library. We’ve been putting posters up all day, our first meeting is next Sunday.” _

**“Remus! That’s amazing! Holy fuck, that’s so cool, I’m so proud of you!”**

_ “Thanks, but like I said, it’s not that big of a deal, I was just thinking about how I wish I knew more people like us, and it occurred to me that I’m probably not the only one that feels that way, so I talked to some librarians and they were super into it and agreed to give us a room and Dorcas and Lily have been helping me put the posters up and- yeah. That’s the super secret project.” _

**“Remus that ** ** _is_ ** ** a big deal, don’t minimize it! You’re a community leader now!”**

_ “The meeting is probably just going to be me and Doras sitting around in an empty library room talking about Victorian poetry for an hour.” _

**“This is a grassroots community organization and mobilization right here. Solidarity building practices.”**

_ [laughter] _

_ “Stop it, you know I can’t handle you talking like that.” _

**“Right right, sorry, it’s not that kind of phone call.”**

_ “You’re exhausting.” _

“Sirius? Do you still want to go on that walk?”

**“Oh, absolutely Regulus, let me just wrap this up real quick and I’ll meet you by the door, okay?”**

**“Hey Remus, Regulus and I are gonna go on a walk, so I’ve gotta let you go, but I am ** ** _so_ ** ** happy for you. I’ll talk to you later?”**

_ “Mhm, talk to you later, Sirius. Have a nice walk.” _

  
  
  


_ Lily (sun, 4:35 pm): the entire north side of town is absolutely wallpapered with posters _

_ Lily (sun, 4:35 pm): i put all 30 of the ones you gave me up, there is one on every single block _

_ Remus (sun, 4:35 pm): what??? i didn’t mean u had to put ALL of those up i just didn’t want u to run out _

_ Lily (sun, 4:36 pm): what kind of ally would i be if i didn’t????? _

_ Lily (sun, 4:36 pm): remus i think this is a really good idea, i’m really excited for u and i think ppl deserve to know about it _

_ Lily (sun, 4:36 pm) besides, dorcas and i took a break and met up for lunch, so now she’s officially a member of team moony, aka the Remus Lupin Defense Squad (RLDS) _

_ Remus (sun, 4:37 pm): the what?????? _

_ Lily (sun, 4:37 pm): anyway, we are, as a team, open to suggestions for a better acronym, so if you have any thoughts, let us know. _

_ Remus (sun, 4:38 pm): lily did u start a gang??? _

_ Lily (sun, 4:38 pm): i really can’t be discussing RLDS business with u, it’s terribly unprofessional.  _

_ Lily (sun, 4:38 pm): so anyway, how ya feelin? _

_ Remus (sun, 4:39 pm): every day i put up with so much shit _

_ Remus (sun, 4:39 pm): aldkfja i actually feel really good though, i’m excited about the group and i had a nice time walking around the city today _

_ Remus (sun, 4:39 pm): like, a month ago my world was pretty much just home, the library, and the record shop, and now when i walk around places i’ve never even been in town it feels like home _

_ Remus (sun, 4:39 pm): everything feels like it changed so fast, you know? _

_ Lily (sun, 4:40 pm): like in a good way? _

_ Remus (sun, 4:40 pm): yeah, a really good way _

_ Remus (sun, 4:40 pm): things feel different these past few weeks, i feel different _

_ Lily (sun, 4:40 pm): u seem different _

_ Lily (sun, 4:40 pm): it’s been nice to see you so happy _

_ Lily (sun, 4:41 pm): u seem more confident too, if that makes sense _

_ Remus (sun, 4:41 pm): yeah ur right, i have been feeling more confident _

_ Remus (sun, 4:41 pm): idk it just feels like my whole life changed so quickly, i don’t want to do anything to mess it up, you know? _

_ Lily (sun, 4:41 pm): are we talking about sirius? _

_ Remus (sun, 4:42 pm): maybe a little bit _

_ Lily (sun, 4:42 pm): yeah, it was really great luck that sirius texted u on accident, and he’s been a fantastic friend and probably a big help in building ur confidence _

_ Lily (sun, 4:42 pm): but everything didn’t change miraculously out of nowhere _

_ Lily (sun, 4:43 pm): u decided to keep talking to some stranger that texted u, and u decided to come out to him _

_ Lily (sun, 4:43 pm): and yeah it’s lucky that u met dorcas, but be honest, how many queer woman-ish looking people walk into your record shop? _

_ Remus (sun, 4:43 pm): at least one every shift, they’re about 30% of our clientele _

_ Lily (sun, 4:44 pm): so it had more to do with u actually deciding to talk to this one than some stars aligning shit _

_ Lily (sun, 4:44 pm): what i’m trying to say is, ur world is changing bc u are _

_ Lily (sun, 4:45 pm): and u can change again whenever u want _

_ Lily (sun, 4:45 pm): so u don’t have to worry so much about messing this up _

_ Lily (sun, 4:45 pm): does that make sense? _

_ Remus (sun, 4:47 pm): yes it,, makes a lot of sense _

_ Remus (sun, 4:47 pm): thank u, lily _

_ Lily (sun, 4:48 pm): second, related point- u should ask sirius out if u want _

_ Remus (sun, 4:48 pm): yeah? _

_ Lily (sun, 4:48 pm): yeah _

_ Lily (sun, 4:48 pm): if u date and it doesn’t work out,,,,, that’s okay _

_ Lily (sun, 4:49 pm): it’s not the end of the world, just part of living ur life _

_ Lily (sun, 4:49 pm): just seems a shame not to try when ur obviously so into him _

_ Remus (sun, 4:50 pm): hey can u do me a favor and stop being wise for a second??? busy trying to be baby over here _

_ Lily (sun, 4:50 pm): oh my apologies, i’ll stop speaking truths at once _

_ Remus (sun, 4:51 pm): yeah u better or i might make a good decision _

_ Lily (sun, 4:51 pm): can’t have that _

_ Lily (sun, 4:51 pm): okay just know that i love u and support u no matter what _

_ Remus (sun, 4:52 pm): i love u too lily, thank u for the advice, and for the help w the posters _

_ Lily (sun, 4:52 pm): absolutely, just another day’s work for the RLDS _

_ Remus (sun, 4:53 pm): lily i am BEGGING u _

_ Lily (sun, 4:53 pm): gtg have a nice day _

  
  


**Sirius (sun, 8:44 pm): i have lost 6 consecutive games of chess**

**Sirius (sun, 8:45 pm): also, regulus loved his birthday cake, and it tasted AMAZING, i’m a master chef**

**Sirius (sun, 8:45 pm): so maybe i’m not a sexy chess king but i am a sexy baker so it’s a win for the universe anyway**

**Sirius (sun, 8:45 pm): plus regulus and i had a good walk, we talked some things out**

**Sirius (sun, 8:46 pm): we’re uh, gonna go look for flats tomorrow**

_ Remus (sun, 8:46 pm): oh?? _

**Sirius (sun, 8:46 pm): yeah, i have some inheritance from my uncle, and the potter’s are great and totally willing, but we can’t ask them to keep both of us all the way until reg graduates, we should have a place of our own for our own little family**

**Sirius (sun, 8:46 pm): mrs. & mr. potter is still always gonna be my mum & dad, and james is always gonna be my brother, but it’ll be nice to have a place just for reg and i to work through our shit and take care of each other when we’re not at hogwarts**

_ Remus (sun, 8:47 pm): i think that sounds really amazing, sirius _

_ Remus (sun, 8:47 pm): i’m so happy for y’all _

_ Remus (sun, 8:48 pm): i just started watching a movie w my dad though, so i’ll text you when it’s over? _

_   
_ **Sirius (sun, 8:48 pm): i’ll probably be asleep by then, i haven’t gotten too much sleep these past few nights and it’s catching up to me, but i hope you have fun with your dad!**

**Sirius (sun, 8:49 pm): good night, remus**

**Sirius (sun, 8:49 pm): sweet dreams**

_ Remus (sun, 8:49 pm): sweet dreams, sirius _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late post lads, i was out of town this weekend, also i love and treasure every one of ur comments and will respond eventually, i hope everyone's doing well
> 
> i also hope we're all treating the black and trans people in our lives well, and fighting injustice however we can
> 
> i love y'all, stay safe


	17. Monday: Boys in the Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which we meet peter, apartment hunt, and it rains

_ Remus (mon, 10:13 am): i have met peter _

**Sirius (mon, 10:16 am): peter the coworker u’ve never met?**

_ Remus (mon, 10:17 am): yeah him, he texted last night to see if i could cover for him today so i came into work this morning and just now he walked in to grab a textbook he left here yesterday _

_ Remus (mon, 10:17 am): he’s our age but apparently he graduated early and started uni so the days he doesn’t work he’s in class _

_ Remus (mon, 10:18 am): he needed the day off bc he’s got a big essay coming up _

_ Remus (mon, 10:18 am): feeling kinda shitty for always calling him a dick now, whoops _

**Sirius (mon, 10:19 am): it’s alright, we live and learn**

**Sirius (mon, 10:19 am): so what’s he like?**

_ Remus (mon, 10:19 am): he’s really cool, he’d read the book i was reading and said we should hang out sometime _

**Sirius (mon, 10:21 am): y do all ur relationships lay upon a foundation of books??????**

_ Remus (mon, 10:22 am): ours doesn't _

**Sirius (mon, 10:22 am): true, our relationship clearly lays upon a foundation of gay**

_ Remus (mon, 10:23 am): and punk rock _

**Sirius (mon, 10:23 am): and punk rock, amen**

**Sirius (mon, 10:24 am): anyway, what do u think of this apartment??**

**Sirius (mon, 10:24 am): [sent image]**

_ Remus (mon, 10:25 am): WINDOWS _

**Sirius (mon, 10:25 am): THAT’S WHAT I SAID**

_ Remus (mon, 10:26 am): nothing makes that good good dopamine like some sunlight through an open window _

_ Remus (mon, 10:26 am): top tier free depression treatment, right up there w chocolate _

**Sirius (mon, 10:26 am): ,,,,,, i was gonna argue but u know what?? points**

_ Remus (mon, 10:27 am): i’m not saying chocolate is a magical mental health cure all, it’s just that chocolate is a magical mental health cure all _

**Sirius (mon, 10:27 am): didn’t know i was friends w a sexy genius doctor**

_ Remus (mon, 10:27 am): i’m a man of many talents _

**Sirius (mon, 10:27 am): i’m sure u are**

**Sirius (mon, 10:28 am): ;)**

_ Remus (mon, 10:28 am): sir i’m gonna have to ask u to cease and desist _

**Sirius (mon, 10:28 am): that’s fair**

**Sirius (mon, 10:29 am): anyway we're onto our next place we're looking at so i'll text u later**

_ Remus (mon, 10:31 am): okay!! good luck! have fun! _

**Sirius (mon, 12:46 pm): [sent image]**

**Sirius (mon, 12:46 pm): thoughts??**

_ Remus (mon, 12:51 pm): that exposed brick,,,,,, tasty _

**Sirius (mon, 12:52 pm): i KNOW we could be so cute and aesthetic hanging out in this kitchen**

**Sirius (mon, 12:52 pm): u could teach me how to make latkes like u were talking about the other night!! and we will be cool queer chefs fucking it up in our aesthetic ass kitchen**

**Sirius (mon, 12:53 pm): we could start a youtube channel,,,,**

**Sirius (mon, 12:53 pm): w this kitchen and ur face,,, we'll be unstoppable**

**Sirius (mon, 12:53 pm): we'll be famous in a week**

**Sirius (mon, 12:54 pm): i've always wanted to be an influencer**

**Sirius (mon, 12:54 pm): we will teach a whole generation about cooking and punk rock**

_ Remus (mon, 12:55 pm): wait u were serious about that???? _

**Sirius (mon, 12:55 pm): im always sirius about everything**

_ Remus (mon, 12:56 pm): that joke does NOT work over text but i love that u still tried _

_ Remus (mon, 12:56 pm): no but for real, u really want me to like?? come over to ur apartment and stuff?? _

**Sirius (mon, 12:56 pm): yeah? i mean like if u don't want to that's fine**

**Sirius (mon, 12:57 pm): but I think it'd be a lot of fun**

**Sirius (mon, 12:57 pm): maybe i wasn't clear enough, but i had a really really good time w you the other night**

**Sirius (mon, 12:57 pm): and i'd like to get to hang out w you more if you wanted**

**Sirius (mon, 12:58 pm): if i'm overstepping just lmk and ill back off bc i never wanna make u uncomfortable**

**Sirius (mon, 12:58 pm): but i!! think you are neat!! my good bro**

_ Remus (mon, 12:58 pm): bro,,,, u really mean that?? bro??? _

**Sirius (mon, 12:59 pm): yeah I do, bro**

_ Remus (mon, 12:59 pm): that's radical, bro _

_ Remus (mon, 12:59 pm): friendship??? groovy _

_ Remus (mon, 1:00 pm): but ya listen if u really want me to come teach u how to make latkes i'll do it, that sounds fun _

**Sirius (mon, 1:01 pm): hell ya**

**Sirius (mon, 1:01 pm): looking forward to it!!**

_ Remus (mon, 1:01 pm): me too! i do have a customer tho, talk to u later? _

**Sirius (mon, 1:02 pm): ya i gotta talk to this landlady anyway, ttyl**

**Sirius (mon, 5:16 pm): so anyway we have an apartment now**

_ Remus (mon, 5:16 pm): you WHAT _

**Sirius (mon, 5:17 pm): ya we lucked out the landlady for that one w the brick was in a hurry to get some tenants and we were in a hurry to get an apartment, plus she was really understanding of our whole situation so anyway now regulus and i have an apartment**

_ Remus (mon, 5:17 pm): i can't believe u just,,,, woke up this morning,,, and now u have a whole ass apartment _

_ Remus (mon, 5:17 pm): what kinda dark magic _

**Sirius (mon, 5:18 pm): we got really lucky, i'm glad we're gonna have a place of our own, ya know?**

**Sirius (mon, 5:18 pm): no baggage there, a safe place to make a home**

_ Remus (mon, 5:18 pm): that sounds really nice, Sirius, i'm happy for y'all _

**Sirius (mon, 5:19 pm): thanks remus**

**Sirius (mon, 5:19 pm): also, we were gonna do a housewarming party tomorrow night, would you and lily wanna come??**

**Sirius (mon, 5:19 pm): thinking about it now, u should probably invite dorcas too, or marlene might spend the whole time texting her, lmao**

_ Remus (mon, 5:20 pm): oh!! ya uh that sounds fun _

_ Remus (mon, 5:20 pm): i'll be there, and i'll pass the invitation along to lily and dorcas _

**Sirius (mon, 5:20 pm): awesome!! so how are u doing??**

_ Remus (mon, 5:21 pm): pretty good! it's been a slow day, i've mostly been getting to read _

_ Remus (mon, 5:21 pm): it's raining tho, and apparently it's supposed to rain all night, so i'm gonna have a rough time walking home :/ _

**Sirius (mon, 5:21 pm): oh!! i have an umbrella**

**Sirius (mon, 5:22 pm): mrs. potter made me take it with us this morning**

**Sirius (mon, 5:22 pm): what time do u get off work?**

_ Remus (mon, 5:22 pm): 6, why? _

**Sirius (mon, 5:23 pm): well i could come bring the umbrella and walk u home**

_ Remus (mon, 5:23 pm): oh, wow _

_ Remus (mon, 5:23 pm): that's really sweet, but don't you have family stuff? _

**Sirius (mon, 5:24 pm): ya we have a big family dinner at 7 but i'll have time to get back by then**

**Sirius (mon, 5:24 pm): i can drive regulus home and be there by 6 if u want**

_ Remus (mon, 5:25 pm): okay, if ur sure, that'd be nice _

**Sirius (mon, 5:25 pm): i'm sure, see u in a bit**

Recently, Remus had been feeling a bit like a movie character. Not necessarily in that he was pining for a friend who may or may not return his feelings, but more so in that he had friends, period. He had friends who would text him out of the blue to share a thought they'd had, or to see how he was doing. He had friends who would get milkshakes with him, or post posters all over town for him, or drop by the record shop he worked at, just because of all the ways they could spend their time, he was a preferred one.

But even with this general air about him, the vision of Sirius Black, uncommonly beautiful and kind, pulling up on his motorbike right in front of his shop, helmet and leather jacket wet from the rain- well, it struck him as particularly cinematic. 

Remus held the umbrella and Sirius held the handles of his bike as he walked it beside them, and they talked about bed frames, brothers, and the books in Remus’ bag. They talked about a party, and about latkes, and about every bit of light tumbling in too fast for them to capture it. But the time had passed for catching fireflies in jars, to treasure on unnumbered dark nights. Light was coming, coming in, and they could not stop it if they tried.

So Remus thought about this, about light being a renewable resource, about change and choosing it, about the way Sirius had blushed when their fingers barely touched, and above him the sky had opened up.

Sirius was saying something, something about apple pies and football, but they were only a few doors down from Remus’ home, and he was finally ready. So before he could stop himself, words like light tumbled from his mouth.

“Can I kiss you?”

Sirius stopped in his tracks, like he’d been struck by lighting, though there wasn’t any. He looked as though he were about to say something, and then he didn’t. He looked as though he were about to say something else, and then he didn’t. He looked at Remus, who could do nothing but stare back, and he said, “Yes.”

If you happened to walk by, perhaps on the sidewalk on the other side of the street, maybe just checking your mail, you’d think you’d found yourself in a movie theater. The rain, the umbrella, Remus’ hand on Sirius’ cheek, pulling him in, Sirius cautiously moving one hand from the bike to rest carefully on Remus’ side. It was like that movie with the horse, or no, the ferris wheel, or the train.

But in truth, you’d realize, it was not a movie, and it was not for you to watch. It is true that every person in love thinks they are the first in all of history to feel it. And each one of them is right. The two boys you might see across the street are not in love, not yet. But even still, you wouldn’t understand, just as they wouldn’t understand you. 

That’s alright. Get your mail, smile to yourself, and quietly turn around. Leave the boys kissing in the rain, and think of the time that your love too was like fireflies, not yet a burning sun. 

_ Remus (mon, 6:32 pm): thanks for walking me home, get home safe _

**Sirius (mon, 6:50 pm): just got back, thank you for letting me walk w you :)**

**Sirius (mon, 6:50 pm): i’m glad i got to see you today, i had a really nice time**

**Sirius (mon, 6:51 pm): we’re about to be doing family stuff for the rest of the night though, so i probably won’t get to talk to u til tomorrow**

_ Remus (mon, 6:51 pm): np! have fun w your family :) _

**Sirius (mon, 6:51 pm): i will! have a nice evening w ur dad!**

**Sirius (mon, 6:52 pm): and if i don’t get to say it before u go to bed**

**Sirius (mon, 6:52 pm): sweet dreams, remus**

_ Remus (mon, 6:52 pm): sweet dreams, sirius _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that scene was So Much lmao i hate writing kissing scenes so i just,,,,, got really melodramatic instead
> 
> also i know him signing a lease like that is unrealistic don't @ me i've been trying to sign a lease for two months this is me coping (also the compressed timeline necessitated it but that's not the point)
> 
> also pt 2 i am resoundingly team "peter is not a dick, just a coward, so there's no reason for him to be a villain/traitor in an au that doesn't involve war" so don't expect anything but an aggressively non-fanon intelligent, kind and hard working fat man.
> 
> also pt3 as y'all can tell i am really only vaguely describing diwali as it's happening at the potter's house, part of it's that sirius does not share a religion w the potter's, just a family, and part of it's that i, the writer, don't celebrate diwali. if u do and u have comments/critiques/advice on how i'm writing this pls lmk! i'd appreciate anytime u chose to take to educate me, even though you don't have to :)
> 
> i hope everyone's doing well! happy belated to juneteenth to all my black readers, i hope it was restful and joyful, and i hope life is kind to you today.


	18. Tuesday: a solo cup castle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which we move, throw a party, and build a kingdom

_ Remus (tue, 9:43 am): morning! _

**Sirius (tue, 9:44 am): morning!**

**Sirius (tue, 9:45 am): what are your plans for the day??**

_ Remus (tue, 9:48 am): work until 6, although peter said he might come hang out around lunch if he finishes his schoolwork in time, and then? ur party? if u still want me to come? _

**Sirius (tue, 9:49 am): ya! i still want u to come!! as long as u still wanna come??**

_ Remus (tue, 9:50 am): yeah, i do _

**Sirius (tue, 9:51 am): cool :)**

_ Remus (tue, 9:56 am): so what do u have going on today? _

**Sirius (tue, 9:57 am): regulus and i’ll be pretty busy w moving in, my uncle left us w a bunch of furniture but we’ll probably still have to thrift around for a few things, so that’ll be fun, plus i have to use my new chef skills to cook for the party tonight**

_ Remus (tue, 9:58 am): wait you’re cooking????? not just like???? grabbing a bag of chips and 42 apples??? _

**Sirius (tue, 9:58 am): first of all, comedy peaked that day, don't try to pretend it didn’t**

**Sirius (tue, 9:59 am): second of all, i’m a winning host and look good in an apron so yes ofc i’m cooking**

**Sirius (tue, 9:59 am): and thirdest of all, that’s a good idea, i should make apple pie**

_ Remus (tue, 10:00 am): god i can’t wait to see lily finally beat u up _

**Sirius (tue, 10:01 am): i forgot!!!! i’ve never actually met her!!**

**Sirius (tue, 10:01 am): spent so long looking at insta pictures james shoved in my face that it feels like i’ve known her for years, our bond is unbreakable**

**Sirius (tue, 10:02 am): also damn me too it would be an honor to have my face blessed w her fist**

_ Remus (tue, 10:03 am): alkdfjaf i can’t handle u right now, tell james it’s his shift _

**Sirius (tue, 10:03 am): actually it’s regulus’ shift, and he’s a rookie so wish him luck**

**Sirius (tue, 10:04 am): hope work goes well! see u tonight!**

_ Remus (tue, 10:04 am): hope moving goes well! tell regulus i say hello! see you tonight! _

  
  


_ Remus (tue, 11:13 am): hey lily!! how u doin??? i miss u!!!!!! also i kissed sirius last night pls tell me ur still down to come to this party with me anyway how are the plants?????? pothos,, am i right?? _

_ Lily (tue, 11:15 am): remus john lupin is2g _

_ Lily (tue, 11:16 am): yes of course i’m coming this is my chance to finally punch sirius black, and i'm doing fine, so are the plants, missing you too, looking forward to seeing you tonight _

_ Lily (tue, 11:16 am): now that we've gotten ur obvious distractions out of the way _

_ Lily (tue, 11:16 am): u kissed a boy???????? _

_ Lily (tue, 11:17 am): u kissed sirius??? mysterious boy who lives in ur phone???? convicted of apple crimes??? _

_ Remus (tue, 11:17 am): maybe?????? _

_ Lily (tue, 11:18 am): remus there's no maybe here, either there was lip to lip contact or there wasn't _

_ Remus (tue, 11:18 am): ,,,, _

_ Lily (tue, 11:18 am): well?? _

_ Remus (tue, 11:19 am): there was lip to lip contact _

_ Lily (tue, 11:19 am): dear GOD _

_ Lily (tue, 11:20 am): jk remus im really proud of you _

_ Lily (tue, 11:20 am): i know you were nervous about things changing between you two _

_ Lily (tue, 11:21 am): so how was it? _

_ Remus (tue, 11:21 am): it was,,,,, nice _

_ Lily (tue, 11:21 am): lmao, good _

_ Lily (tue, 11:21 am): so have y'all? talked about anything? _

_ Remus (tue, 11:22 am): u mean a conversation? about my feelings? god, no _

_ Lily (tue, 11:22 am): cool cool cool cool cool love that 4 u _

_ Remus (tue, 11:22 am): im simply trying my best _

_ Lily (tue, 11:23 am): and im so proud of u sweetie ur doing great _

_ Lily (tue, 11:23 am): genuinely though, ur allowed to take it one step at a time _

_ Lily (tue, 11:23 am): do u know if you want to kiss him again? _

_ Remus (tue, 11:24 am): yes _

_ Lily (tue, 11:24 am): neat! how about him? do u have any idea how he's feeling? _

_ Remus (tue, 11:24 am): well i mean he said yes when i asked if i could kiss him _

_ Remus (tue, 11:25 am): and he said he still wants me to come to the party tonight _

_ Remus (tue, 11:25 am): so hopefully? he feels okay about it? _

_ Lily (tue, 11:25 am): yeah it sounds like it _

_ Lily (tue, 11:26 am): if u need more time to process before u see him, we don't have to go tonight _

_ Remus (tue, 11:26 am): no i wanna go _

_ Remus (tue, 11:26 am): it sounds fun, and im really excited for him and regulus, i wanna be there to support them _

_ Remus (tue, 11:26 am): i'm glad i'll have u and dorcas there though _

_ Lily (tue, 11:27 am): ya that's valid I wouldn't wanna walk into that situation alone either _

_ Lily (tue, 11:27 am): u've always got me, remus _

_ Remus (tue, 11:27 am): thanks lily, that means a lot, and u've always got me too _

_ Remus (tue, 11:28 am): so ur mysterious forest prince is gonna be there _

_ Lily (tue, 11:28 am): i have two hands _

_ Remus (tue, 11:28 am): ?? _

_ Lily (tue, 11:29 am): one for each jaw _

_ Remus (tue, 11:29 am): fair enough _

**James (tue, 1:15 am): 1) wrapping up family stuff, i'll be over to help y'all soon**

**James (tue, 1:15 am): 2) what was up w u last night? ur previous record for waking silence was a whopping 16 minutes, and i could barely get a word out of u for hours**

**Sirius (tue, 1:17 am): remus kissed me**

**James (tue, 1:17 am): WHAT**

**James (tue, 1:17 am): and u just????? sat on that????**

**Sirius (tue, 1:18 am): we were celebrating!! i didn't wanna make it about me**

**James (tue, 1:18 am): i thought he wanted to be friends??????**

**Sirius (tue, 1:18 am): so did i!!!!**

**James (tue, 1:19 am): so how was it??**

**Sirius (tue, 1:19 am): james**

**Sirius (tue, 1:19 am): it was so fucking good**

**Sirius (tue, 1:20 am): i've been touched by the lips of an angel**

**Sirius (tue, 1:20 am): i'm a changed man**

**Sirius (tue, 1:20 am): ill never dream about anything else ever again, not even that dream where eleanor roosevelt comes back specifically to mentor me **

**James (tue, 1:20 am): lmao, u sap**

**James (tue, 1:21 am): have u talked to him about what this means???**

**Sirius (tue, 1:21 am): no, im a baby**

**Sirius (tue, 1:21 am): besides, we haven't exactly had a good chance yet, i've been so busy**

**James (tue, 1:22 am): is he gonna be at the party tonight??**

**Sirius (tue, 1:22 am): mmhm**

**James (tue, 1:22 am): that's fun**

**James (tue, 1:23 am): anyway i've been on a long spiritual journey in the last 6 minutes and i'm ready to be ur wingman**

**Sirius (tue, 1:23 am): ur a true friend, james**

**James (tue, 1:23 am): takes one to know one, sirius**

**Sirius (tue, 1:24 am): fuck, stop that, i cannot handle even one (1) more emotion or I will collapse**

**Sirius (tue, 1:24 am): and on an unrelated note, i really do have to be getting back to work**

** James (tue, 1:25 am): we'll get u a fainting couch **

**James (tue, 1:25 am): see you in a bit**

_ Remus (tue, 7:08 pm): lily, dorcas & i are on the way :) _

At Remus’ time of arrival, Sirius was covered in flour. All over his face, somehow in his hair, covering his pink apron with the words ‘No One Knows I’m Gay’, on the corner of his mouth, sprinkling over his lips, he was covered in flour and something in Remus’ chest cavity filled and threatened to overflow. It did overflow, and spilled out in the form of a laugh. Sirius smiled shyly, and opened the door wide enough for all three of them to walk in.

Before anyone could say anything, James barrelled in, stopped suddenly short, and stuck his hand out to Remus. When Remus slowly reached his hand out as well, James shook it with vigor, for far too long. 

“Remus!” James’ voice was just a little too high pitched and just a little too loud and Remus loved it, “The light of my life! My only joy! Most handsome man alive! I love you so much, it’s so good to finally meet you!”

Remus laughed again, still shaking James’ hand, “You too, James, how are you doing today?”

“Perfect, now that you’re here! Sorry I’m still shaking your hand, I was going to hug you but then I thought you might not like hugs. Anyway-” James finally seemed to notice everyone else huddled around the door, Sirius still holding the knob, Lily and Dorcas holding in their laughter. “Lily! It’s good to see you!”

Lily nodded, “I’m sure it is.”

James nodded back, a bit too long, then turned “You must be Dorcas! Thanks for coming! It’s nice to meet you! Anyway, there’s food in there, we’ve got pies and some bread and hummus and- ”

“James,” Sirius finally spoke, smiling softly, “Let’s just let them in.”

“Right, right, good idea Sirius, your mind is huge.”

Inside, Regulus was sitting a bit straight-backed on the couch, listening to a story from two redheaded boys who looked related, and by the fridge were a few others laughing and shoving each other back and forth, Marlene sitting on the carpet talking animatedly to someone about a television show. Brown boxes were stacked up in every corner, frames resting against the walls. The smell of bread and sweets snuck in like the evening light through the window. Winter was fast creeping upon them, and the sun had nearly set, but the apartment was, in every sense of the word, warm. 

Lily and Dorcas quickly gravitated toward Marlene, who gave a huge grin and threw an arm around Dorcas, shaking Lily’s hand with her other arm. James jumped in and took over narrating the seemingly epic tale the redhead boys were recounting to Regulus, leaving Remus and Sirius left standing beside each other. 

Suddenly feeling nervous, Remus looked at Sirius, only to find him already looking back. Cautiously, Sirius smiled. Remus found that he couldn’t look away from that smile, from those lips, but when he finally dragged his eyes back up, he thought he caught Sirius quickly glancing back upward as well. 

“So, uh-” Sirius said.

“So, how-” Remus said, at just the same moment, and in the moment after, the oven timer went off. 

Sirius smiled sheepishly, “I should get that.”

Remus nodded, and wondered if he was supposed to follow, but he just said “Yeah,” and let Sirius walk away. Breathing in, and breathing out, he sat down beside one of the redheaded boys, who he learned was Gideon, brother to Fabian, and let James tell the tale of some prank they’d pulled the year before, which ended in a frog infestation, several months without eyebrows for Gideon, and several months of detention for the rest of them.

After a while, the nerves died down and Remus lost himself in the flow of their stories, of laughing and bickering and poking fun at each other. At some point, Sirius emerged from the kitchen and sat beside Lily, in a heated debate about Lord of the Rings, and Remus felt him looking out of the corner of his eye, but he was too caught up in the story of the Prewett brothers’ first puppy to worry about it. 

An hour or so later, Remus got up and tried some of the apple pie sitting on the counter. _ I gave him the idea to make this, when we were talking this morning, _he thought, and it felt odd, his silent presence in an apartment he’d never been before. It felt like some evidence of a secret, even though everyone here knew that Remus and Sirius were friends and that they talked. It felt silly, but it also felt warm and valuable. Also, it tasted really, really good. Sirius had spent the last few days joking about what a brilliant chef he was, but Remus hadn’t suspected any truth to it. He wondered if Sirius had gotten to try it yet, if he knew how good it was. He thought about the apple filling getting in the corner of Sirius’ lips, just like the flour had. He thought about gently wiping away with his thumb, holding Sirius’ jaw. He thought about-

Sirius’ voice broke in, “So how was it?”

“The kiss?” Remus asked, and then, of course, realized. 

Sirius blinked once. Then he blinked twice. “I meant the pie, but that too. By all means, share your thoughts, honest feedback is appreciated. Your opinion is highly valued for quality assurance-”

Remus thought the best course of action was boarding a boat to a foreign country and changing his name, “Oh, shit, sorry- I didn’t mean-”

“Words? I love them. Love to hear them, specifically yours. I, myself, have never had a thought, but-”

“You were just trying to talk about some goddamn apple pie and I just like, couldn’t manage to think about anything else-”

Sirius froze, “You too?”

Two streams of nervous rambling came to a sharp halt.

“What?” Remus said, voice all too high.

Sirius breathed in, and when he lifted his hand to lean on the counter, it was shaking, “Today has been one of the most eventful, and arguably, most important days of my entire life and literally all I’ve thought about, every second, has been kissing you.”

“Oh.”

“I hope-” Sirius’ face flooded with color, “Sorry, I hope that’s not too much.”

“It’s not,” Remus said, before Sirius had even let the last breath of his sentence go. 

Sirius nodded, still blushing, “Oh.”

“I, um-” Remus looked about nervously at the room, “Do you wanna step outside?”

Sirius swallowed and nodded, leading them out onto the fire escape. The sudden muffling of the wall of sound startled Remus. 

After a bit of silence, Sirius went up to run his hand through his hair, “Listen,” he said, “You don’t, I know you-” he sighed and tried again, “I know you wanted to stick with being friends. Don’t feel like- like just because you kissed me you’re like, responsible for my feelings or something. It’s alright, it doesn’t have to be anything you don’t want it to be.”

Remus breathed in. He breathed out. “I want it to be something.” “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time. The whole time, really. I-” He breathed in, breathed out, “Can I take you out? On a date? I know we've only known each other like, two weeks, I'm not asking you to run off into the sunset with me or anything. But if you want, I'd like to take you on a date."

Sirius smiled, "I want that."

"Cool, cool, very neat."

"Great"

"Fantastic"

"Can I kiss you again?"

Remus laughed with all the air in his lungs, "Yes, please."

After a certain amount of time, Remus heard the squeak of the door and felt a warm burst of air.

James’ voice broke the silence, "Sirius, which box are the cups in? We ran out of the plastic ones."

"How did you run out of the plastic ones? We got a pack of a hundred-" Sirius turned around, taking his hand off Remus’ waist, saw through the door the gigantic solo cup castle, and sighed, "Second from the top, closest to the front door."

James smiled wide, and with a little bow and wave of his hand said, "My deepest gratitude, please carry on,” before shutting the door behind him.

"Hm," said Remus.

"I agree," said Sirius. 

"Something about James giving us his blessing . . ."

"Yeah, no, absolutely not."

Remus ran his fingers through Sirius’ hair as they leaned back into each other, "I take it back, actually, you _ should _ run away with me"

Sirius nodded, "That seems reasonable, anything to avoid that fool."

They laughed together, but did not run away to any distant kingdom. Instead, they kissed once more, then went inside and built a kingdom of plastic cups dug out of a brown box, along with their friends. It was a new home, and in it they built a new world, one that was safe and warm. 

_ Remus (tue, 11:36 pm): home safe :) _

**Sirius (tue, 11:37 pm): fantastic, thanks for letting me know**

**Sirius (tue, 11:37 pm): hey remus?**

**Sirius (tue, 11:37 pm): i had a great time w you tonight :)**

_ Remus (tue, 11:38 pm): i had a really great time w you too, thanks for inviting us :) _

**Sirius (tue, 11:38 pm): i’m uh, really looking forward to that date**

**Sirius (tue, 11:38 pm): if u still want**

_ Remus (tue, 11:39 pm): i do _

**Sirius (tue, 11:39 pm): afjkdalfjdfa neat, neat, v cool**

_ Remus (tue, 11:39 pm): aldfkj good to know you’re still gay _

**Sirius (tue, 11:40 pm): ya i renewed my permit just in time**

_ Remus (tue, 11:41 pm): ladfjalfjalj _

_ Remus (tue, 11:41 pm): i’ve got work tomorrow morning, so i’ve gotta sleep, but can i text you tomorrow to make plans for that date? _

**Sirius (tue, 11:41 pm): yes**

**Sirius (tue, 11:41 pm): sweet dreams, remus**

_ Remus (tue, 11:41 pm): sweet dreams _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update! here's some fanart of lily and james i drew when i meant to be writing to make up for it :)
> 
> this is the last official chapter in the story, the next chapter will be an epilogue. this has been so so much fun to write, and you guys have all been so kind to me :) thank you to every single one of you i can't express how much i appreciate it
> 
> anyway @novahainn asked if this fic had a playlist, which was the best question anyone could have asked me so [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0xRQAHfcOtKhWnRUr4O7oe?si=CuhNNbt5QnC_xxM_fRmkZw) it is, fair warning it's an absolute disaster
> 
> also if u wanna send some spare change to my bf's top surgery fund [here's](https://www.gofundme.com/f/msvdr-alex039s-top-surgery-fund?utm_medium=copy_link&utm_source=customer&utm_campaign=p_lico+share-sheet) the link
> 
> i hope everyone's doing well!!!! i love you all so much i'm wishing the best for u


	19. Epilogue: Puppy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 1/2 years later . . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is!! the final chapter!!
> 
> (for those of u wondering why remus is the only one graduating, i decided sirius graduated early bc i wanted to get to focus on remus getting to graduate university, which was an important goal for him) (if either of u have any other questions about my headcanons for these characters and where they go post chapter 18, hmu in those comments and i WILL infodump on u)

3 ½ years later

_ Remus (fri, 3:46 pm): i won :) _

**Sirius (fri, 3:49 pm): no**

_ Remus (fri, 3:50 pm): yes _

**Sirius (fri, 3:51 pm): u must've cheated**

**Sirius (fri, 3:51 pm): i bet u had lily help**

_ Remus (fri, 3:52 pm): ah yes, u caught me, i recruited a woman seven months pregnant to do the heavy lifting work involved in the ancient art of box packing _

**Sirius (fri, 3:52 pm): i knew it !! !! ! u forfeit all rights to the prize**

_ Remus (fri, 3:53 pm): i won fair and square, i get to name the goldfish _

**Sirius (fri, 3:53 pm): if u don't pick fishie mercury is2g**

**Sirius (fri, 3:53 pm): i refuse to live in a world where my goldfish is named something that isn't fishie mercury**

**Sirius (fri, 3:53 pm): what even would be the point**

_ Remus (fri, 3:54 pm): i'm not picking fishie mercury  _

**Sirius (fri, 3:54 pm): FIRST u veto a puppy **

**Sirius (fri, 3:54 pm): then when i finally talk u into a goldfish u won't even name it fishie mercury??**

**Sirius (fri, 3:55 pm): and here i thought it was love,,,**

**Sirius (fri, 3:55 pm): fine then, bathsheba. that's my final offer**

_ Remus (fri, 3:56 pm): i don't need to listen to ur offers, i won the bet, i have rights _

**Sirius (fri, 3:56 pm): i think ur bluffing. I demand proof.**

_ Remus (fri, 3:56 pm): [sent picture] _

**Sirius (fri, 3:57 pm): damn**

**Sirius (fri, 3:58 pm): u really wanna live w me, huh?**

_ Remus (fri, 3:58 pm): maybe so _

**Sirius (fri, 3:58 pm): that's p embarrassing, bud**

_ Remus (fri, 3:59 pm): according to my sources, u spent the majority of last night crying about how excited you were _

**Sirius (fri, 3:59 pm): were he not unfortunately the father of my godchild, i would have James's head on a platter**

**Sirius (fri, 4:00 pm): i was drunk**

_ Remus (fri, 4:00 pm): no u weren't _

**Sirius (fri, 4:01 pm): maybe i was, maybe i wasn't, u have no proof, what are u, a cop?**

_ Remus (fri, 4:01 pm): ew, stop, i'm gagging _

**Sirius (fri, 4:01 pm): ;)**

_ Remus (fri, 4:01 pm): NO _

**Sirius (fri, 4:02 pm): aldhaldha okay sorry i'll just sit back down**

_ Remus (fri, 4:02 pm): uhuh _

**Sirius (fri, 4:03 pm): hey who's hosting game night this week?**

_ Remus (fri, 4:03 pm): peter, i believe _

_ Remus (fri, 4:03 pm): i can't stay too late, i've gotta be up at like 7 tomorrow _

**Sirius (fri, 4:04 pm): gotta look pretty for those sexy graduation pics**

_ Remus (fri, 4:04 pm): p sure there is nothing less sexy than a graduation gown _

**Sirius (fri, 4:04 pm): no but u know what IS sexy?? celebrating your accomplishments**

**Sirius (fri, 4:05 pm): i've got a client coming in in ten minutes tho and i gotta prep, see you tonight?**

_ Remus (fri, 4:05 pm): yeah babe see you then _

_ Remus (fri, 5:12 pm): hey lily checking to make sure i can still borrow ur truck and ur husband's biceps tomorrow  _

_ Lily (fri, 5:16 pm): yes and u can also have my significantly larger biceps and the biceps of my unborn child _

_ Remus (fri, 5:17 pm): what does ur doctor think about that? _

_ Lily (fri, 5:18 pm): u will have my emotional support and the emotional support of my unborn child _

_ Remus (fri, 5:18 pm): akdhalfhak thanks, lily _

_ Lily (fri, 5:18 pm): also im bringing my good camera to your graduation tomorrow _

_ Remus (fri, 5:19 pm): u guys know there are purposes to graduation outside of photoshoots, right? _

_ Lily (fri, 5:19 pm): ya it's also an excuse to give you gifts _

_ Lily, (fri, 5:20 pm): i, for one, am baking u a cheesecake as we speak _

_ Remus (fri, 5:21 pm): is2g _

_ Remus (fri, 5:21 pm): dad keeps trying to throw me a party _

_ Remus (fri, 5:22 pm): oh also he took the whole day off tomorrow so he's gonna help us move after the ceremony too _

_ Lily (fri, 5:23 pm): nice!! i haven't seen him in a while _

_ Lily (fri, 5:23 pm): how's he doing? _

_ Remus (fri, 5:23 pm): aldjalfj he keeps getting emotional and talking about how i'm growing up _

_ Remus (fri, 5:24 pm): he says and i quote "it's unfair to throw graduating uni and moving in with your boyfriend all on the same weekend, give a poor man's heart a break" _

_ Lily (fri, 5:24 pm): i always knew u were a heartbreaker _

_ Remus (fri, 5:25 pm): shhhh don't tell sirius, you'll scare him off _

_ Lily (fri, 5:26 pm): lmaooooo u could come at that boy w a chainsaw and he'd still be browsing rings on pinterest, there's no scaring him off of u _

_ Remus (fri, 5:27 pm): akaldjalfjakf i have to leave Right Now talk later _

_ Remus (fri, 5:29 pm): i'm naming the goldfish chaucer  _

**Sirius (fri, 5:30 pm): ya i'm in love w u but at what cost???????**

_ **Regulus (fri, 5:32 pm): pleeaaaaase tell me u still have ur social work in schools textbook** _

**Sirius (fri, 5:33 pm): y on earth would i have kept it?????**

_ **Regulus (fri, 5:33 pm): bc ur prophetic and knew that i would follow in ur footsteps and need that textbook someday** _

**Sirius (fri, 5:34 pm): it's true,,, my powers ARE vast and my brain IS huge**

**Sirius (fri, 5:35 pm): just checked and i actually did save it for some reason, had to unpack a box special for u, i'll swing by the dorms before game night and drop it off**

_ **Regulus (fri, 5:35 pm): did u know??? that ur my hero??????** _

  
  
  


**James (fri, 6:18 pm): so marlene, what kind of pizza are u getting?????**

_ Lily (fri, 6:18 pm): nope _

Dorcas (fri, 6:18 pm): nuh uh

_ Remus (fri, 6:18 pm): absolutely not _

**James (fri, 6:18 pm): what????? ?? i am simply asking my good friend marlene mckinnon what sort of pizza she is getting for our game night tonight, seeing as she lost scrabble last week, and by the laws of the group she is responsible for the purchase of pizza this week**

Marlene (fri, 6:19 pm): that would be true, except for the fact that YOU lost

**James (fri, 6:19 pm): who???? me????**

_ Remus (fri, 6:19 pm): we all agreed that whomstve is NOT a word, and therefore, you lost _

**James (fri, 6:19 pm): i cannot BELIEVE this TOMFOOLERY**

**James (fri, 6:20 pm): whomstve is ABSOLUTELY a word**

**James (fri, 6:20 pm): sirius, back me up here**

**Sirius (fri, 6:20 pm): james, ur everything to me**

**Sirius (fri, 6:20 pm): ur my best friend, my brother, the love of my life**

_ Lily (fri, 6:20 pm): remus and i are RIGHT here _

**Sirius (fri, 6:21 pm): u've saved my life again and again**

**Sirius (fri, 6:21 pm): ur intellect is outmatched only by your kindness which is outmatched only by your beauty**

**Sirius (fri, 6:21 pm): but whomstve is so very much not a word**

**James (fri, 6:22 pm): WHAT**

Marlene (fri, 6:22 pm): THANK u

**James (fri, 6:23 pm): that leaves peter, the vote must be unanimous**

Dorcas (fri, 6:23 pm): p sure majority and like, common sense is sufficient in this situation

**James (fri, 6:23 pm): i will not surrender as long as i have allies**

**James (fri, 6:23 pm): @peter dearest friend,,,,, trusted companion,,,, come to my aid**

_ **Peter (fri, 6:24 pm): well language is constantly evolving, words falling in and out of use to suit the needs of each new generation** _

**James (fri, 6:24 pm): YEAH**

** _Peter (fri, 6:24 pm): but whomstve is simply bullshit_ **

**James (fri, 6:24 pm): traitor**

Dorcas (fri, 6:25 pm): james, be a dear and get some veggie for me and marlene :)

Marlene (fri, 6:25 pm): and some bread sticks :)

Marlene (fri, 6:25 pm): bitch :)

**James (fri, 6:26 pm): ,,,, ,,,, ,,, yes ma'ams**

**Sirius (fri, 8:45 pm): we should name it minnie**

**Sirius (fri, 8:46 pm): after my mom**

_ Remus (fri, 8:46 pm): what would we do when she comes over for dinner?? _

**Sirius (fri, 8:46 pm): we will simply delineate by referring to them as 'big minnie' and 'little minnie'**

**Sirius (fri, 8:46 pm): lil' minnie for short**

_ Remus (fri, 8:47 pm): is2g _

_ Remus (fri, 8:47 pm): try focusing on the game and maybe u won't lose so bad :) _

  
  


_ Remus (fri, 11:17 pm): okay okay compromise _

_ Remus (fri, 11:17 pm): bc i love u or whatever _

_ Remus (fri, 11:18 pm): since i wouldn't let u get a real puppy _

_ Remus (fri, 11:18 pm): we could simply,,,, name the goldfish,,,, puppy _

**Sirius (fri, 11:19 pm): !!!!!!!!**

**Sirius (fri, 11:19 pm): that's perfect!!**

**Sirius (fri, 11:20 pm): wow**

**Sirius (fri, 11:20 pm): ur perfect**

**Sirius (fri, 11:20 pm): everything is changing so fast**

_ Remus (fri, 11:21 pm): ya, but so are we _

**Sirius (fri, 11:21 pm): true**

**Sirius (fri, 11:22 pm): i am!! excited to change with you**

_ Remus (fri, 11:22 pm): i'm so excited to change with you, sirius _

**Sirius (fri, 11:22 pm): i'm not crying, ur crying **

**Sirius (fri, 11:23 pm): okay okay u've gotta get some sleep, ur getting up early**

_ Remus (fri, 11:23 pm): that's true _

_ Remus (fri, 11:23 pm): see you tomorrow, sirius _

**Sirius (fri,** **11:24 pm): sweet dreams**

_ Remus (fri, 11:24 pm): sweet dreams _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((here is,, a lil art,, if u want,,))  

> 
> friends thank u all so much for reading this silly lil fic of mine!!!!! every single one of u has been so good to me, and brought so much joy into my life. this fic has been an important way for me to work out thoughts while seeking comfort and joy this past year and i hope it's brought something similar into your life, or at least kept u company for a bus ride or two :) i love u all and i'm wishing you well, through all your changes now and all your changes to come


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